The difficulties at some US banks and the recent turmoil surrounding Credit Suisse are fueling fears of a new financial crisis. Many savers in Austria are also wondering whether their deposits are safe. With a reorganization of deposit insurance, the banks now want to restore customer confidence.
The previous deposit insurance protects assets up to a maximum of 100,000 euros per person. The new deposit insurance, on the other hand, guarantees that nobody will get flat feet in the coming bank crash if they desperately queue for several hours in front of a bank branch to get their money.
Thanks to the water-repellent, nano-impregnated anti-slip coating, possible liquidity problems in the event of a bank run are virtually impossible, even with sweaty feet.
Industry excited
“With the new deposit insurance, we are sending our investors and savers a clear signal that their assets are on orthopedically stabilized feet with us,” assures Reinhard Peer, No-Risk-No-Fun manager at the international TAB (Toxic Asset Bank ).
“Of course, something completely unforeseen can always happen that no bank expects. For example, a meteorite impact, a Godzilla attack or – even less likely – seven customers wanting to withdraw money at the same time. But that would then be force majeure.”
ÖNB reassured
National Bank Governor Robert Holzmann does not fear a total loss of savings either: “In an emergency, the state will of course step in. The savings deposits in domestic banks amount to around 800 billion euros and our economic output around 450 billion… So you don’t have to be a mathematician, which I’m not, by the way, to give the all-clear here.”
Governor Holzmann sees no reason for concern: “The leveraged pyramid scheme that we affectionately call ‘our financial system’ is completely stable. It’s not too late to get in! Join the group, AMG, brother, I drive AMG!”
Should it still go bankrupt, the financial institution can simply be bought up by a larger bank, and if that bank then goes bankrupt too, then that bank can simply be bailed out by the taxpayer. “And if the state goes bankrupt, then we can at least say: No, I do not regret anythingit was fun, thanks, ciao!”
Receive new articles by email.
