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Libra.
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HOROSCOPES IF TODAY IS YOUR BIRTHDAY
Well, well, look who’s got their birthday pants on! Today, you’ll be rolling with the punches, dear Libra. Get ready for a year filled with unexpected twists and turns. It’s like a soap opera, but without the melodrama – then again, what are soap operas if not melodrama with transaction fees? Just remember to keep your wallet handy; those changes could be financial goldmines if you play your cards right.
ARIES (March 21 – April 20):
Listen up, Aries! If you’ve been promising the moon and stars, now’s the time to deliver or brace for the wrath of your loved ones. They may start to think your promises are as empty as my fridge on a Monday night. Get it together and fulfill those commitments, or prepare for a few ‘friendly’ reminders!
TAURUS (April 21 – May 21):
The weekend’s here, Taurus, but you might be tethered to your tasks more than you’d like. Think of it as a chance to tidy up that mountain of half-finished projects. Sure, you can’t run wild, but once you wrap things up, reward yourself with a nice treat. Perhaps a slice of cake? Just don’t celebrate too hard – we still need you on Monday!
GEMINI (May 22 – June 21):
Attention, Gemini! This weekend, keep it simple. If you’re tempted to dive into meaningless activities, remember: not every social gathering is an episode of a mindless reality show. Use those last few days of sun to focus on what genuinely matters to you and stop wasting energy on the nonsense. Trust me, your sanity will thank you.
CANCER (June 22 – July 23):
Mars is in your corner, Cancer! This weekend, channel that inner warrior. If you want your way in a one-on-one, don’t be a push-over. Assert yourself without turning into a raging bull. Just remember: aggression isn’t the answer – assertiveness is. You can conquer your world without turning it upside down!
LEO (July 24 – Aug. 23):
Leo, darling, sometimes ignorance really is bliss. If you think the answers to those burning questions will only lead you to more confusion, let’s keep you blissfully unaware, shall we? Trust me, keep the curtain drawn – your peace of mind is worth more than knowing why your neighbor’s cat is staring at you!
VIRGO (Aug. 24 – Sept. 23):
Brace yourself, Virgo! Life’s about to accelerate faster than a toddler on a sugar rush. Don’t bite off more than you can chew this weekend. It’s okay not to be the life of the party. You’re not running for PM – just kick back and handle the chaos at your own pace. Remember, saying ‘no’ can be liberating!
Missed one of your horoscopes? Here are the most recent days’ forecasts
LIBRA (Sept. 24 – Oct. 23):
Ah, Libra! The recent changes have been kind to you. As the sun starts to leave your sign, get creative and do something that’ll make you proud. It could be as simple as trying a new hairstyle or as elaborate as starting a new life philosophy. Either way, own it!
SCORPIO (Oct. 24 – Nov. 22):
Slow down, Scorpio. If life offers you a moment to breathe this weekend, take it! Next week could throw you curveballs that feel more dramatic than your favorite thriller. Recharge those batteries, because you’ll need every ounce of energy to tackle whatever’s coming your way!
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 23 – Dec. 21):
Time for some soul-searching, Sagittarius! Lock the door, dim the lights, and connect with your innermost thoughts. Your mind holds the key to what needs changing in your life. Just make sure your housemates don’t think you’re staging a dramatic Twilight Zone episode in there!
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22 – Jan. 20):
Oh, Capricorn! Those past confrontations have left their marks. You won some, but you certainly don’t need to fight every battle. This weekend, remember: teamwork makes the dream work. Lean into cooperation; it’s way more fun than fighting, trust me!
AQUARIUS (Jan. 21 – Feb. 19):
The spotlight’s on you, Aquarius! This weekend, don your best outfit and strut like you own the place. Make that impression count because everyone’s watching. Show them that, come rain or shine, you’ve got the confidence to face whatever comes your way – even if it’s Aunt Edna’s fruitcake!
PISCES (Feb. 20 – Mar. 20):
Tempted to take risks this weekend? Hold on there, Pisces! Opt for caution over recklessness and save those bold moves until the sun is on your side. Those friends who urge you to dive in? Ignore them! They’ve been wrong before, trust me – like that time they thought pineapple belonged on pizza.
For more self-discovery and cosmic insights, visit sallybrompton.com. Remember, whether you believe in horoscopes or not, a little bit of guidance never hurt anyone – except maybe your ex after that sorry breakup!
So there we have it! We’ve traversed the cosmos with a kick in the astrological pants, from the feisty Aries to the dreamy Pisces, and all the while keeping it cheeky and observational. The horoscopes are life advice wrapped in a celestial burrito, spiced with some comedic flair. So keep those dates in your diary, folks, and ensure that even if Mars is in retrograde, your sense of humor isn’t!
