When the AI does strange things, but you expect it to get the attention you need for your topic.Image: Shutterstock
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22.09.2024, 12:2022.09.2024, 13:13
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It’s very important, the salad dressing. It’s easy to overlook that when you go through life like this. You get up and look at the weather app, you dress accordingly, you eat breakfast and think a little about the Roman Empire, about that one time in kindergarten when Damian had diarrhea and you secretly watched him go to the toilet through the crack in the door, WHY?!
Then you take the tram to the office, add wet wipes to the post office list, the pink ones with the puppy on them, what are they called again, if the old woman next to you at the window seat could stop adjusting her bottom several kilometers before you get off, that would help. Yes, we all have to get out at the next stop.
It is the final stop.
But what does she care? Now she slams her handbag onto her lap several times with increasing noise. If you want it to stop, you have to react. Otherwise she’ll jump over you.
You look at her, nod with a stiff morning smile, eyes and mouth shaped into sealed slits so that the reluctance stays nice and tight. Until it is finally replaced by the certainty that it is only your own future sitting there next to you. A few more years and your connective tissue will no longer bind anything and your bottom will be released unchecked into the tram cushion, where it will immediately start to do the same feverish scraping. That is why the seats all look so worn out, that is the old people’s fear of missing a stop, the old man’s FOMO, which will also affect you. Yes, we will all be lagging behind the times at some point.
First you fall out of step and then out of life.
Before that happens to me, I have to eat a few more awesome sauces. And do you know what the coolest sauce is?
The salad dressing.
And there you see it again. First you think of death, then you remember the salad dressing. She doesn’t deserve that. You should come to her from life. But to do that you have to drag her modest nature into the spotlight.
The salad dressing would never claim to be the best. Quite unlike the Hollandaise sauce, which, as soon as someone thinks of asparagus, floods the brain with its white, greasy force.
No, salad dressing doesn’t do that. The name says it all. It doesn’t have its own name, it’s just added to the salad as if it were nothing without it. But it’s the other way round. Without it, the salad would sink into insignificance, would lose its right to exist as a salad, would be seen as just a chopped herb without any connection. Quinoa and nuts notwithstanding.
The sauce is the common denominator and the real sensation.
The AI has understood the sensation thing. The gravity thing less so. And why does the sauce suddenly turn brown when it comes out? The mysteries of salad dressings are apparently unfathomable even for artificial intelligence.Image: Shutterstock
Because basically it’s like this: If someone wants to pour salad dressing on something, the resulting dish is immediately called salad. Potato salad, pasta salad, sausage and cheese salad. As if you needed the salad alibi to pour it over everything and everyone so that you can devour a feast.
So it’s high time to remove the sauce from the salad. She doesn’t need an alibi. There’s nothing to be ashamed of.
She deserves an independent life, a life in which she can freely and without limits indulge in all existing foodstuffs.
So when you get home today, do me a favor and make a great sauce. That’s what we’ll call the salad dressing from now on. Anything else would be beneath its value.
And if you don’t have a father like me who is your awesome sauce hero – that sounds unexpectedly Oedipal – who has turned the everyday salad experience of your childhood into a longed-for event, then get a shaker or other suitable container ready and fill it with the following treasures:
- 3 heaped teaspoons of Aromat (yes, you’re amazed, Oliver Baroni)
- 1 heaped teaspoon of your favorite Italian seasoning
- 1 pressed garlic clove
- 1 decent pinch of mustard
- 1 decent Pflitzli mayonnaise
- 6 ladles of apple cider vinegar
- 9 ladles of olive oil
Then shake or mix with a whisk (Austrians, please whip out your snow shovels) and enjoy it for weeks.
Of course you can also use balsamic vinegar or citric acid, maple syrup, agave syrup, cream or onions. Even Bruno does it. Mix in whatever you like, the main thing is that you say it’s a great sauce.
And pour it over your dinner. It doesn’t even need to stop in the gravy boat for that – it’s had to wait too long for its appearance – it doesn’t need to trickle down from a jug like its affected French sisters. It has always been convincing with its taste, we just didn’t know how to appreciate it properly for a long time.
More about salads that are only good because of the sauce…
Salad is so fun!
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Salad is so fun!
Just getting the ingredients for my salad out of the fridge almost makes me burst out laughing.
“Do Swiss people eat salad differently than Canadians?” Yes, they do!
Video: watson
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