2023-05-11 13:18:00
“Thou shalt honor thy father and thy mother!” This is not only the fourth of the Ten Commandments in Christianity and Judaism, but also an important point in the moral code of many non-believers. For them it is a matter of course to honor their own parents and to give something back to those who have often done a lot for them. So why should days celebrating just that be questioned?
Traditional role models anchored
For example, to break up traditional role models. In the opinion of family counselor Stephan Fuchs, renaming “Mother’s Day” to a general “Parents’ Day” might make sense. “Traditional role models are anchored on Mother’s Day. He encourages stereotypes. The picture is sold by the ‘perfect mother’,” said the social worker from the Federal Association of Single Mothers and Fathers on Monday. “A ‘Parents’ Day’ would raise awareness of equality between mothers and fathers in a different way.”
Fuchs was reacting to the suggestion by family researcher Wassilios Fthenakis to rename Mother’s Day to Parents’ Day. “Mother’s Day puts pressure on women who don’t have time to look following the children during the day,” Fthenakis said. With Mother’s Day, society dictates to women how they should be.
Family consultant Fuchs further explained that a “parents’ day” would also include the possibility that same-sex couples might also be parents: “That would be a day for parents, no matter where they come from.” He also wishes one for the single fathers, whom he advises as a teacher such “parents’ day”. At the same time, he pointed out that such a day should not ignore reality: “90 percent of single parents in Germany are women.”
100 years ago Mother’s Day was celebrated in Germany for the first time. The roots lie in the USA, where it has existed since 1914. It was founded by women’s rights activist Anna Marie Jarvis (1864-1948) from Grafton in the US state of West Virginia. She wanted to commemorate her mother, who campaigned for better medical care for mothers and their children as well as for those returning from the war. She opposed the later commercialization of the day with calls for a boycott – ultimately unsuccessful.
Sisters Jule (4) and Kiki (6) surprise their mother with breakfast and a bouquet of flowers for Mother’s Day. Mother’s Day is an international success story – also commercially. Mother’s Day has been celebrated on the second Sunday in May for 100 years. (Photo: Detlef Heese)
This point of criticism is regularly mentioned a few days later, when instead of flowers and chocolates, alcoholic beverages in particular are consumed more frequently. Also, some people don’t really understand the aspect of the honor when the honoree always spends the day as a “real man” with his buddies on a boozy men’s tour away from mother and child. So wouldn’t it be good to start thinking regarding alternatives for Mother’s Day and Father’s Day?
With a handcart, a shopping cart and beer bottles in their hands, young people parade through Hanover on Father’s Day. (Photo: Peter Steffen)
For example, there are suggestions that the family should concentrate entirely on the relationship between themselves on a parent-child day. This might be a day when children honor their parents in a special way – and vice versa. Or you can celebrate a family day right away, which would have the advantage of also including people who have no parents, whose parents have already passed away or who have a difficult relationship with their parents.
Idea: Parents’ Day instead of Mother’s and Father’s Day
The family and education researcher Wassilios Fthenakis takes exactly this line with his proposal for a “parents’ day as a day of love, togetherness, understanding and respect.” No society can exist without parents, says Fthenakis. “We will not depict the entire diversity with one model, but the spirit behind it.”
A heart with the inscription “For Mother’s Day” is in a flower shop in a pot with the plant Flaming Katy. Consumers in Germany are expected to spend a total of almost one billion euros on Mother’s Day gifts this year. (Photo: Robert Michael)
Parenting researcher Désirée Waterstradt from the University of Education in Karlsruhe sees things differently. Regarding the idea of a parent’s day, she said: “For a while I also thought it was a good idea. But the big danger with this today is that you want to feel very modern and therefore simply obscure the evolutionary, historical and current differences between motherhood and fatherhood.”
Kita no longer wants to have gifts made
A father can choose to be cooperative, caring, and child-centered—and if he chooses not to, there will be no social resentment. “It’s completely different for mothers,” said Waterstradt – and that’s why Mother’s and Father’s Day are still important.
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A daycare center in the district of Marburg-Biedenkopf (Hesse) recently assessed things differently. The day care center had sent a letter to the parents advising that their children would no longer be making gifts for Mother’s and Father’s Day. The team decided this, according to a letter published by the “Bild” newspaper. In response to the reporting, the diocese of Fulda acknowledged “irritations and misunderstandings” in connection with the letter
The daycare center wanted to do without stereotypical gifts such as “flowers for the mother or tools for the father”, the letter said. The constellation mother-father-child is no longer the norm in today’s families. A Father’s Day gift without a father in the family is not only of no value, but can also call into question a child’s identity. “In today’s time, in which diversity is becoming increasingly important, we want to set an example and not exclude anyone,” said the letter, to which many parents reacted outraged.
Mother’s Day is still very popular
When asked, the diocese said on Tuesday that the daycare team had “already responded with a second letter and asked for an apology”. The day-care center team and the parents’ council are in dialogue: “It is agreed that the original letter was unfortunate and therefore incorrectly formulated.” The day-care center and the diocese made it clear “that the day-care center continues to have a Catholic profile and is committed to the Christian family picture that includes the role of father and mother”. However, other life models and realities are not excluded.
In Germany, Mother’s Day is still very popular. According to various surveys, at least three out of ten Germans give their mother presents on Mother’s Day – presumably also because the word “mother” is not a neutral term for anyone and is very emotional. Responsible for this are my own experiences and countless narratives – albeit not only positive ones. Mothers can be annoying or push their own children ambitiously like the much-cited “ice skating mom”. Greek mythology even knows “Medea” who killed her own sons to make their father childless.
Nevertheless, the image of the “good mother” still prevails in Germany, explains the Dresden sociologist Anne-Laure Garcia. She refers to research according to which the origin of the German mother ideal can be located in Martin Luther’s Protestantism. The most important task of the Christian woman was the care and upbringing of the children. “Physical motherhood, which was previously considered a manifestation of original sin, was not only upgraded, but actually became a virtue,” says Garcia, who researches motherhood at the TU Dresden. This image of the “caring mother” still dominates in Germany, albeit in a secularized form.
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