I was orphaned at a young age, but I had the will to strive, so at the age of 32 I had a solid career when I set up a small company. Now I’m thinking regarding starting a family.
My wife is not too beautiful but sincere, gentle and a filial daughter who cares for her family and I appreciate that. I believe that marrying such a girl, we will have a happy and fulfilling married life.
Because I lost my parents at a young age, I consider my wife’s parents as well as my biological parents, I don’t regret my wife’s family anything, I will help with whatever I do. But, it was that enthusiasm that accidentally “killed” my 10-year marriage. Now, when I sit down calmly, I painfully draw a lesson that in order to have a happy marriage, a son-in-law must sometimes learn to refuse the requests of his wife’s family, especially in these two aspects.
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1. Do not arbitrarily interfere in conflicts at the wife’s house
Any family has times when the rice is not healthy and the soup is not sweet, my family is no exception. Because I consider myself a family member, in matters of my wife’s family, I enthusiastically participate and give suggestions. Even when my wife’s parents quarrel or my in-laws are in conflict, I take some time to come out and make peace.
The first time, the second time, my parents-in-law still listened to me, but the next times they were annoyed. There was a time when my parents-in-law quarreled, my mother-in-law blamed my father for drinking with friends who did not know the way back, he blamed her for not caring, the meal was on time, he was bored, that’s why.
It’s not a big deal, I stood up to dissuade but no one would give up. When the conflict reached its climax, my father-in-law vented all his anger on me: “You know what, don’t interfere in my family’s affairs, outsiders like you. Men don’t talk like that, they put their mouths on everything.”
I was stunned by that statement. I consider my wife’s parents as my biological parents, so I gave my opinion, but I never expected to be considered an “infidels”. After that, I suddenly realized that I should not arbitrarily participate in the conflicts of the wife’s family.
What’s too serious or I want to suggest something, I just tell my wife to let her speak. Or unless someone asks for my opinion, I just say it. Although this behavior is somewhat polite, but following that I am “more relaxed”, rarely having conflicts with my wife’s family anymore.
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2. Do not meet all requirements from the wife’s family, especially regarding money
Although I am a son-in-law, I do not mind anything, anyone who asks for help will help. For example, my sister-in-law gets a job, I help. My wife’s uncle asked to buy medicine for me, I also helped. My wife’s uncle went to the city to play, asked me to drive a car to pick them up, I also helped… In general, anyone at my wife’s house who relied on me enthusiastically helped.
To be honest, I’m a bit annoyed when I’m constantly asked like that, I have hundreds of thousands of work to do, but I’m not free. But because I respect my wife, I still help, I don’t know how to write the two words refusing to write.
Until one day I found out that my wife secretly paid my brother 2 billion for gambling debt. Being discovered by me, the wife’s family not only was not ashamed but also reproached her. They told me to plan, waste money with my wife’s family, get married to help my wife’s family, it’s natural, or as a brother, paying for my brother’s debt is my responsibility, what I should do, etc. Sadly, my wife is also responsible. cheated on me and because of this we got divorced.
I was really “out of words” before the unreasonable arguments of the wife’s family. But in the end, maybe it was because I was wrong in the first place. If I didn’t meet all the requirements and receive help with everything from my wife’s family, they probably wouldn’t have relied on me, considering helping as my responsibility. That’s it, it took me a lot of effort, effort, and time, but people weren’t grateful.
So guys, it’s not always good to be too enthusiastic, sometimes you need to learn how to say no. If not, that enthusiasm will gradually create bad habits for others, causing you trouble, even broken family happiness.
