NEW YORK (HealthDay News)—It’s natural for a parent to want to protect their children and keep them away from harm. But sometimes this understandable desire turns into “helicopter parenting,” an overwhelming need to be a part of a child’s every decision and dilemma.
“A helicopter parent is often fueled by anxiety, and that anxiety can come in different flavors: anxiety about their child being safe, successful, or not emotionally harmed, as well as anxiety about keeping up or what their family or culture they expect from him,” said Dr. Laurel Williams, professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at Baylor College of Medicine in Houston.
A helicopter parent usually does not allow their child to behave normally on their own. Your instincts ask you to make the path easier for your son.
But this can actually hinder a child’s development, Dr. Williams warned. The child may not learn to handle failure or disappointment, or to interact better with other children his age.
It would be best for parents to model how children should handle disappointments, including failing to make a sports team or getting a bad grade.
“Help him plan how this won’t happen again, but if you don’t let him handle it on his own it can delay his development,” he said.
It is important to identify when a child is able to do things without adult supervision, such as walking to school or going to the mall.
If you show that you can be responsible and follow multi-step instructions without losing track, you may be ready for greater independence, Dr. Williams said.
If he is unable to complete tasks on his own, he may still require more adult supervision.
Williams recommended drilling, that is, asking a child to remember to do things at certain times while a parent is nearby to watch over them and intervene if things go wrong.
“If this goes well, do more drills where you do the activity with them, but don’t tell them what to do and just walk alongside them to see if they follow the steps you’ve discussed, like getting to school on their own,” he explained.
Dr. Williams also suggested that parents ask children about things that worry them to gauge their response. If the child gives sensible answers, it might be time to give him a chance to deal with those things on his own.
Parents should also be prepared to respond reasonably to teens’ complaints that they are authoritarian compared to their friends’ parents.
A mom or dad can explain why they made certain rules and see if their teen can handle a mature conversation about them. Ask your teen why this situation should change: Such a conversation can help teach your teen how to negotiate and better understand the risks and benefits.
“It doesn’t have to be an emotional decision that you give up on right away, so make sure you have the conversation at the right time so you can sit down and talk to your child. This will teach the child patience and delay gratification,” said Dr. Williams.
One last piece of advice: Another adult should avoid calling a parent a helicopter for their behavior. “Don’t tell someone they’re a helicopter parent, but approach them in a way that doesn’t make them feel judged.”
“Support him first and see if he’s willing to compromise: ‘I notice you often intervene when there’s a disagreement on the football field, can you help me understand why?’” Dr. Williams suggested. “They could have a good reason or be willing to listen to why their behavior should not continue.”
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2024-09-30 21:22:25
