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HOROSCOPES IF TODAY IS YOUR BIRTHDAY
ARIES (March 21 – April 20):
Ah, Aries! You love being the center of attention, but beware—if you get too loud this weekend, you might just attract someone you’d rather dodge. Think of it as a game of hide and seek, except you don’t want to be “it” this time.
TAURUS (April 21 – May 21):
You’ve been bending over backward to help others lately, haven’t you? Well, congratulations! It’s payback time! Just ask your friends and colleagues for what you want—they’re like your personal ATM this weekend, though hopefully, without the withdrawal fees!
GEMINI (May 22 – June 21):
Gemini, you’re in the mood to kick back and chill—good for you! Embrace it! Just don’t forget that this lazy phase might be your secret weapon. Styling your weekend as a power-up session to face future challenges is basically modern-day wizardry.
CANCER (June 22 – July 23):
Cancer, trying to make sense of chaos is like trying to herd cats—hopeless and frustrating! Just leave it be for now; come back next month, and it’ll probably look as clear as a middle school science project.
LEO (July 24 – Aug. 23):
Hello, Leo! If you’re stumped on how to tackle a tough situation, don’t be afraid to ask for help. It’s not a sign of weakness. Even lions need a good old sheepdog to lead them back to the fold sometimes!
VIRGO (Aug. 24 – Sept. 23):
Avoid getting sucked into other people’s drama this weekend. Trust your instincts, Virgo. Just pretend you’re on a reality show: if it’s not your fight, don’t start throwing punches. Save your energy for something more useful, like organizing your sock drawer.
LIBRA (Sept. 24 – Oct. 23):
Libra, with Venus smiling down on you, this weekend is ripe for travel and social mingling. So, if you’re feeling the urge to escape your mundane routine—go! Your trip could turn into an adventure worthy of a rom-com plot twist!
SCORPIO (Oct. 24 – Nov. 22):
Focus on long-term goals, Scorpio! Distractions are like shiny objects for you this weekend. Stay the course! If you let your attention drift, you might miss out on that chance for financial glory—like stepping in dog poop when you were actually heading for the ball pit!
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 23 – Dec. 21):
Venus is encouraging generosity in you, Sag! This weekend could be your chance to shine with kindness. Forgiving others will probably trigger the universe’s cosmic “get-out-of-jail-free” card for your past mishaps—and let’s be honest, there are probably a few of those!
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22 – Jan. 20):
Capricorn, steer clear of unpleasant company! The planets are telling you to pick and choose your battles wisely. You don’t have to be a gladiator all weekend long; sometimes, just living to fight another day is the real victory!
AQUARIUS (Jan. 21 – Feb. 19):
Aquarius, if someone is pushing you to join their big cause this weekend, gently say, “Nah, mate!” Your input might not change the world today, so put your feet up instead and enjoy some well-deserved downtime.
PISCES (Feb. 20 – Mar. 20):
Pisces, don’t look back at others getting the accolades you think you deserve—just keep swimming! You never were one to chase after glory like a dog after its tail. Stay true to yourself, and the right recognition will come in its own time.
Discover more about yourself at sallybrompton.com
Overview of Our Starry Weekend
So, folks, it’s that time again! Whether you intimately believe in their celestial predictions or dismiss them as mere cosmic mumbo jumbo, horoscopes manage to bring a bit of fun and mischief to our weekends. As a mix of Jimmy Carr’s sharp wit, Rowan Atkinson’s brilliant physical comedy, Ricky Gervais’s observational style, and Lee Evans’s exuberance, I’m here to unravel this astrological soup just for you!
Let’s slice and dice the forecast shining down on each sign like a disco ball at a particularly dodgy wedding reception!
The Social Butterfly Effect
Aries – You love the limelight, darling, but this weekend, maybe keep the party tricks under wraps? No need to end up on someone’s “do not engage” list!
Taurus – Helping hands? More like helping hooves this weekend! Coworkers are basically your cosmic fairy godmothers. Ask and you shall receive—unless it’s a surprise party. Then just be suspicious!
Procrastination Level: Expert
Gemini – Feeling lazy? Good! This is not a moral failing; it’s tactical retreat! Sit back, take a sip of whatever potion fuels your spirit, and let the world happen without you for a bit.
Cancer – Trying to comprehend a confusing mess? Put down that mental magnifying glass; you’re only seeing the invisible ink currently! Better to come back next month when you can bring a proper decoder ring.
Ask for a Favor (But Only After Checking the Stars)
Leo – If you’re out of ideas, just ask! Looking for advice is like asking someone if they’ve seen the remote—you never really know how lost you are!
Virgo – Watch out! People are like those shifty characters in movies who promise huge returns but never deliver. Be judgmental and picky this weekend about who you engage with!
Feel That Venus Vibe
Libra – Ah, Venus is shining—your weekend should resemble a rom-com! Lots of travel and fun meetings. Don’t forget to bring your charming self; who doesn’t love a good bit of witty banter?
Scorpio – Keep your eyes on the cash, hun! Distractions could turn into dumpster fires. Stay focused, and who knows? That dollar might just multiply!
Generosity—Everything’s Coming Up Roses!
Sagittarius – Time for your inner Saint to emerge! Being generous this weekend might just pay off surprisingly, though let’s hope your “wrongs” are not too big to just play off as “last weekend’s erratic behavior.”
Capricorn – Dodge the drama, darling! You have a reputation for fighting battles, but don’t fret; staying calm may just be the crowd-pleasing play of the weekend.
Stay Loyal to Your Scattered Thoughts
Aquarius – If someone is nudging you to join a crusade, channel your inner rebel and decline! You don’t need to sign up for every “club” that pops up on your feed, even cosmic ones!
Pisces – Ah, feeling overlooked? Don’t say anything! Enjoy your solitary glory. You’re not the type to fetch accolades, and that’s perfectly fine. Just keep doing you!
Final Thoughts
And there you have it! Your cosmic guide to surviving and thriving over the weekend. Whether you’re rolling your eyes at someone else’s zodiac signs or totally bought in, one thing’s for sure—you’re going to have some stories to tell (and potentially some very humorous ones at that)!
Remember, if life gives you a lemon, just add a little vodka and call it a weekend! Cheers!
These horoscopes are for entertainment purposes only. Take them with a pinch of stardust and a whole lot of humor!
Scorpio.iStockPhoto / Getty Images
HOROSCOPES IF TODAY IS YOUR BIRTHDAY
ARIES (March 21 – April 20):
Being the center of attention can be fun, but excessive noise this weekend may draw the attention of individuals you would do better to steer clear of. It is essential to remain discreet when engaging with figures of authority to avoid complications.
TAURUS (April 21 – May 21):
Having extended your support to many people in the past weeks, you may now find those same individuals eager to give back. This weekend, your friends and colleagues are likely to rally around you, eager to assist you in obtaining your desires—don’t hesitate to ask.
GEMINI (May 22 – June 21):
If you find yourself lacking motivation, there’s no need to worry. Embracing relaxation now will reserve your energy for the challenges that lie ahead in the coming weeks, allowing you to tackle them with renewed vigor.
CANCER (June 22 – July 23):
Overanalyzing a perplexing situation may only intensify your confusion. It could be more beneficial to set it aside for now, so you can revisit it next month when clarity is likely to emerge.
LEO (July 24 – Aug. 23):
If you’re facing a challenging dilemma and don’t know how to find a solution, don’t hesitate to seek advice from someone knowledgeable. Remember, even the most confident Leos can benefit from outside assistance now and then.
VIRGO (Aug. 24 – Sept. 23):
It’s best to avoid scenarios where you lack complete control. The planetary positions suggest that not everyone you interact with can be trusted. Therefore, exercise caution and refrain from committing to others’ schemes.
LIBRA (Sept. 24 – Oct. 23):
With Venus positively influencing your chart, this weekend presents a wonderful opportunity for travel and social activities. Feel free to break free from your routine; the more you venture out, the more fascinating individuals you are likely to encounter.
SCORPIO (Oct. 24 – Nov. 22):
Remain steadfast in your focus on long-term ambitions this weekend, and avoid individuals with superficial distractions. Allowing your attention to stray, even momentarily, could cause you to overlook critical opportunities for improving your financial circumstances.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 23 – Dec. 21):
The presence of Venus in your sign nurtures a desire for generosity within you. This weekend, your willingness to forgive others can create a ripple effect, potentially leading the universe to grant you forgiveness for any past missteps.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22 – Jan. 20):
Ensure you distance yourself from unpleasant individuals and avoid contentious situations over the next couple of days. While it may appear that you lack the will to confront challenges, you can demonstrate your strength later; for now, maintain your composure.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 21 – Feb. 19):
This weekend, if someone tries to lure you into their agenda, remain firm in your decision not to engage. Your lack of commitment is not out of indifference; rather, you feel that your involvement wouldn’t substantively matter.
PISCES (Feb. 20 – Mar. 20):
While it may appear that others are receiving recognition and rewards that rightfully belong to you, resist the urge to complain. You’ve never been one to chase glory, and it serves you well to uphold that principle.
Discover more about yourself at sallybrompton.com
Kindness within you this weekend. Embrace this energy by being generous with your time and resources. Forgiveness might be in the air, so consider mending any bridges that were burned—this could end up bringing positive vibes and unexpected rewards in return.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22 – Jan. 20):
This weekend, Capricorn, it’s time for strategic retreat. Avoid engaging in unnecessary conflicts; instead, focus on what truly matters to you. Choosing your battles wisely will not only preserve your energy but could also lead to a more peaceful outcome.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 21 – Feb. 19):
Aquarius, if someone is enthusiastically trying to rally you to their cause this weekend, don’t feel pressured to jump in. It’s okay to prioritize your well-being and resist the urge to involve yourself in every movement that crosses your path. Take some time to recharge instead.
PISCES (Feb. 20 – Mar. 20):
Pisces, stop comparing your journey to the success stories around you. Focus on your own path and keep moving forward. Recognition will come naturally in time; stay true to yourself and trust your unique process.
Get more insights about yourself at sallybrompton.com
Conclusion
Your weekend horoscope reflects the cosmic forces at play. Each sign has unique opportunities and challenges ahead, and it looks like it’ll be a weekend full of laughter, self-reflection, and perhaps a little chaos! Remember to enjoy the journey, spice it up with a dash of humor, and don’t forget to indulge in a bit of self-care along the way. Happy weekend, everyone!
These horoscopes are for entertainment purposes only. Enjoy responsibly!
Be sure to politely decline. Your instinct to steer clear of commitments that don’t resonate with you is spot on. This weekend, prioritize your well-being and enjoy some time to yourself—after all, you deserve a break!
PISCES (Feb. 20 – Mar. 20):
Pisces, don’t waste your energy worrying about others receiving the recognition you believe you deserve. Instead of looking back and feeling overlooked, keep swimming forward. Your time in the spotlight will come when you stay true to your path and passions.
Explore more insights into your journey at sallybrompton.com.
Overview of Our Starry Weekend
As the stars align, they guide us toward some entertaining possibilities this weekend! Regardless of whether you trust the cosmic insights or simply enjoy the whimsy of astrology, consider this your playful reminder to embrace fun amidst the chaos of life. Let’s dive into what the zodiac has in store!
The Social Butterfly Effect
Aries: Enjoy attention but remember that discretion may serve you better this weekend. Oblivious party antics could leave you with unwanted company!
Taurus: The universe is ready to reward your generosity; don’t hesitate to lean on your friends for support. They’re eager to return the favor!
Procrastination Level: Expert
Gemini: Feeling a bit sluggish? Embrace it! Resting now will prime you for the exciting challenges that lie ahead.
Cancer: If confusion lingers, consider letting it go for now; revisit it next month when clarity resumes.
Ask for a Favor (But Only After Checking the Stars)
Leo: Don’t hesitate to seek advice; even the most confident of you may need some external support when wrestling with dilemmas.
Virgo: Maintain a cautious stance and avoid entanglements with those who lack sincerity; be selective about your alliances this weekend!
Feel That Venus Vibe
Libra: With Venus on your side, treat yourself to social endeavors and embrace the joy of new connections!
Scorpio: Stay disciplined about your financial aspirations; distractions may tempt you but could lead to missed opportunities.
Generosity—Everything’s Coming Up Roses!
Sagittarius: Your generous spirit can lead to delightful surprises! Embrace the warmth of forgiveness; the universe just might reward you for your kind-heartedness.
Final Thoughts
So there you have it! Cosmic breadcrumbs for a weekend filled with potential and stories to tell. Whether you’ll take heed of astrological advice or roll your eyes at its improbability, keep your sense of humor close and enjoy the ride!
Remember, if life serves you lemons, a splash of humor—and maybe a cocktail—can turn it into a weekend to remember! Cheers!
These horoscopes are meant for entertainment. Approach them with a sprinkle of stardust and a dash of good humor!
