2023-07-29 11:04:58
Now two manipulative practices have merged into one even more toxic one.
Now two manipulative practices have merged into one even more toxic one. We are talking about the so-called “ghostlighting” – a combination of “ghosting” and “gaslighting”.
Hosting (from ghost – a ghost, a ghost) – a method of manipulation, implying that the person with whom you meet or are in a relationship, suddenly, without any apparent reason, warnings and explanations, starts ignoring you, does not answer messages in chats, calls and eventually disappears from your life. This situation is confusing and confusing. When confronted by a ghost, you can spend a lot of time wondering what you could have said or done wrong.
Gaslighting – another manipulation technique, with the help of which one person makes another doubt his own normality and adequate perception of reality. The gaslighter achieves complete control over his victim, denying obvious facts, devaluing her feelings, words, actions, constantly emphasizing her complete failure and incompetence.
Ghostlighting – a combination of these two toxic practices: a person suddenly, without explanation, disappears from the radar, and then suddenly one fine day, just as suddenly, as if nothing had happened, reappears. At the same time, not only does he not apologize or explain his disappearance, but, on the contrary, declares that there are no problems, or even accuses you of the fact that you did not try hard to keep in touch with him.
For example, he claims that you did not write or call, although you did this repeatedly.
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How to protect yourself from manipulation?
As American psychologist Carolyn Rubenstein told the Daily Mail, in the past three months, many of her 20-30-year-old clients have experienced ghostlighting both on dating apps and in long-term relationships.
“That is, a person returns, but not only does not take responsibility for what has disappeared, but also blatantly denies the very fact of his disappearance. This completely knocks the ground out from under the victim’s feet. This is some new, completely terrible level of manipulation that scares me personally, ”says Rubenstein.
Having once become a victim of a guestlighter, a person begins to think that something is wrong with him, loses self-confidence, ceases to trust a new partner, all the time subconsciously expects him to repeat the past situation, which destroys the relationship, Rubenstein explained. In her opinion, guestlighters are by nature narcissists who do not think about the feelings of other people and enjoy the opportunity to manipulate them with impunity. And online dating provides a particularly wide field of activity for this.
See also: “You make everything up”: what is gaslighting and how to protect yourself from it
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