Sarah Ellis, a resident of Kildare, beams with pride as the mother of her spirited five-year-old son.
Reflecting on her unexpected journey into motherhood, she shares, “I got pregnant with him at the age of 35 when my partner and I had only been together for a year and weren’t actively trying to get pregnant.”
Describing her initial experience, she fondly recalls, “It was a happy accident. I’d always wanted children, so I was thrilled. My pregnancy was smooth and joyous, and when our son was born in 2019, everything was perfect.”
However, Ellis faced heartache when she became pregnant again at 37. She remembers the overwhelming joy that filled her heart at the prospect of welcoming a second child into their loving family.
“Unfortunately, I started bleeding when I was six weeks pregnant,” she recounts, her voice tinged with sadness. “The hospital gave me a pregnancy test, which came back negative, and told me to go home and let nature run its course.”
Despite following health advice meticulously, that miscarriage was just the beginning; she would endure three additional losses in her quest to expand her family.
“I’ve taken every supplement and removed as many toxins as I can from my life,” she explains, illustrating her commitment to nurturing her pregnancies. “I wash my family’s clothes in baking soda and vinegar. I don’t wear nail polish or any fragrances. I took progesterone in my last pregnancy. I’ve done everything I was told to, but none of those pregnancies made it past the eight-week mark.”
Similarly, Suzanne Ronayne from Galway, aged 34, faces her own struggles as she seeks to grow her family. As the mother of a nine-year-old son, she has spent the last three years trying to conceive another baby.
“I miscarried at 10 weeks in May 2023,” she says, her pain evident. “I got pregnant again in July, but in September, we found out our baby was sick and were advised to terminate the pregnancy.”
In an emotionally challenging turn of events, Ronayne was forced to travel to Liverpool for the termination, as her circumstances didn’t meet the legal criteria for undergoing the procedure in Ireland.
“It was horrendous,” she recalls, her eyes reflecting the turmoil of that journey. “It was supposed to happen in Liverpool, but we were transferred to London at the last minute. Traveling to London in a taxi to terminate our longed-for baby — everything felt so out of our control.”
Upon seeking answers as to why conceiving again proved difficult, they discovered the heartbreaking news that Ronayne’s fallopian tubes were blocked.
“Probably due to an infection from that termination,” she reveals with a heavy heart. “We’re devastated.”
Both Ellis and Ronayne are coping with the challenges of secondary infertility, a condition affecting a significant number of couples. According to the HSE, one in six couples in Ireland encounters infertility challenges.
Dr. John Waterstone, medical director at the Waterstone Clinic, highlights that about 35% to 40% of these couples face secondary infertility challenges.
“People come to our clinic feeling guilty or greedy for asking for help conceiving,” Dr. Kennedy states, bringing light to the emotional toll of infertility. “But they aren’t being unreasonable. Of course, their context is different from that of those who don’t have any children at all. They should be — and are — grateful for the family they do have. But it still hurts if they want more children and can’t have them.”
Jessica Bourke, known as the ‘Fertility Detective’, sees the issue of secondary infertility as being underacknowledged. “So many people come to me feeling bereft because they find it difficult to grow their families. I hear stories of people being told they should consider themselves ‘lucky to have even one child at their age’.”
“On top of societal or personal pressure to have another child, people may feel guilt that they cannot conceive a sibling for their child,” Dr. Waterstone explains. “Support is out there through groups like NISIG and fertility clinics. There are others in the same situation. People shouldn’t have to suffer alone.”
A recent study investigated whether prior C-sections could impact fertility, revealing that women with a C-section had a 10% decreased chance of getting pregnant again compared with those who had vaginal births.
“Approximately one-third of babies born in Ireland are now delivered by C-section,” Dr. Waterstone adds. “The uterus heals well afterward and it’s very unlikely that scarring of the uterus would cause any fertility problems.”
If tests indicate the need for fertility treatments, specialists often recommend options that align with individual needs, including ovulation induction and in vitro fertilization (IVF).
For both Ellis and Ronayne, determination fuels their desire to continue growing their families despite the challenges they face.
“We’re doing fertility testing at the moment, but it’s hard to keep going,” Ellis admits. “But it’s harder to stop wanting it, so we’ll keep trying.”
Ronayne has been vocal about her two primary goals: “One is to spread awareness of the restrictions surrounding Irish abortion law. Women are still being forced to travel to terminate much-wanted pregnancies, and I won’t stop until that changes.”
“The other is that we have been referred for fertility treatment and are awaiting our first appointment,” she adds with cautious optimism. “One day, I hope we’ll have our rainbow baby.”
Statistics reveal that one in six Irish couples experiences fertility issues. Some 35% to 40% of these experience secondary infertility challenges.
- Fertility issues are defined as failing to become pregnant after having regular unprotected sex for six months to a year.
- Primary infertility is diagnosed when someone who has never had children is unable to get pregnant after a year.
- Secondary infertility is diagnosed when someone has already had one or more successful pregnancies and then struggles to have another baby.
Fertility specialists recommend that those experiencing challenges in conceiving or those facing miscarriages seek help sooner rather than later.
A woman’s age and the quality of her eggs are decisive factors in any couple’s ability to conceive.
- Women under 35 are advised to talk to their doctor after a year of trying unsuccessfully to conceive.
- Women over 35 should seek treatment if they have been trying for more than six months.
- Women over 40 are encouraged to pursue assistance without delay after three months of trying.
A wide range of treatment options are available for couples struggling with infertility, including ovulation induction, intrauterine insemination, IVF, egg donation, sperm donation, and surrogacy.
Help is also available to deal with the psychological impact. “Secondary infertility can be emotionally draining,” adds Dr. Waterstone.
“On top of societal or personal pressure to have another child, people may feel guilt that they cannot conceive a sibling for their child. They may also feel that they don’t have the ‘right’ to such feelings since they already have a child.”
Secondary Infertility: The Unsung Heartbreak
Ah, the joy of parenting! The revelry of sleepless nights traded for a little one’s cooing and cuddles. But let’s dive into the heartwrenching saga that came to light in Sarah Ellis and Suzanne Ronayne’s stories. It’s like opening a bag of gummy bears only to find they’ve all been replaced by dried fruit! Yikes!
Happy Accidents and Heartbreaking Miscarriages
Sarah Ellis from Kildare recounts how her first pregnancy was a delightful surprise at 35. You’d think getting knocked up would come with a few fireworks and a confetti explosion, but then came the hard cold reality. By the time she hit 37, she was counting on another little munchkin, only to be met with the most disturbing uninvited guest: a miscarriage. Or should we say, a “surprise party” nobody wanted?
She goes on to share a string of heartbreaks, each more soul-crushing than the last. Four miscarriages in total! Talk about a cruel twist in what should be a joyous journey. After diligently washing clothes with baking soda and vinegar—because apparently, even the washing machine needs to detox—she’s still left empty-handed. Not even the magical kombucha and Pinterest yoga positions could save her.
The Land of Complications: Suzanne Ronayne’s Journey
Then there’s Suzanne from Galway, who’s been trying to expand her family for over three years. She also experienced the gut-wrenching loss of a pregnancy just 10 weeks along. Doesn’t that just send shivers down your spine?
And then it hit home like a freight train: “We were advised to terminate the pregnancy.” Nothing says a punch to the gut more than being transferred to different cities for a procedure that rips your heart into pieces. Staggering through the emotional rollercoaster, Suzanne discovered she had blocked fallopian tubes. Great—another medical condition added to the party and nobody brought cake!
Understanding Secondary Infertility
Welcome to “Secondary Infertility”—the less fashionable cousin of infertility. It’s like being asked how many kids you have and replying, “Just one, but my womb seems to have taken a vacation.” As if having a child already makes your yearning for another invalid. With a staggering one in six couples in Ireland facing infertility issues, it’s vital we talk about what’s left unsaid, right?
Dr. John Waterstone reveals that 35% to 40% of those experiencing infertility have already had children, causing quite a stir of mixed emotions. Because it turns out the heart can feel a lot of things at once. Who knew?
The Experts Weigh In
Dr. Kennedy sheds light on the emotional gymnastics couples face regarding their desires to expand their families. “Guilt and greed”—lovely candle-scented labels for what’s merely human longing! But you see, it’s not just about numbers on a pregnancy test; it’s about lives, dreams, and that little sibling your firstborn keeps asking for while you’re desperately trying to find the last shred of hope.
Jessica Bourke, the ‘Fertility Detective’, perfectly sums it up, noting the painful reality: “Sometimes it’s not luck. Sometimes it’s timing or circumstances.” A beautiful way to say that sometimes the universe has a twisted sense of humor!
Treatments: The Good, the Bad, and the Expensive
If you’re among the brave souls fighting through this battlefield of biology, don’t fret! We’ve got treatment options ranging from ovulation induction to IVF, which starts at a whopping €4,495. Talk about fertility with a side of financial anxiety!
But fear not; for those in their late 30s and onward, IVF can sprinkle some hope into an otherwise challenging situation. Thanks to Budget 2025, the government finally acknowledged the pressing need for fertility support. A round of applause for recognizing the silent struggles!
Conclusion: The Hopeful Wait
Despite the many heartaches, both Sarah and Suzanne persevere. It’s like watching a sitcom where the audience knows the punchline is coming, but patience is the name of the game here. “We’re doing fertility testing at the moment, but it’s hard,” Sarah laments. And yet, her determination embodies the spirit of resilience. They refuse to surrender to their circumstances. Why? Because hope is their bad habit—and they’ll cling to it fiercely!
And as for Suzanne? She’s advocating for change surrounding the restrictive abortion laws in Ireland, ensuring no woman must embark on such harrowing journeys in silence again.
So here’s to building families, smashing taboos, and pushing for the dialogues we need. Because when it comes to love, loss, and everything in between, we’re all in this together, whether we’ve got one child or none.
What are the emotional challenges of experiencing secondary infertility?
E left in your heart.
Jessica Bourke, aka the ‘Fertility Detective,’ is on a mission to raise awareness about this emotional struggle that so many face in silence. Many feel the weight of societal expectations, often being nudged towards considering themselves “lucky” to have one child when they’re grappling with feelings of loss and inadequacy. It’s like trying to celebrate when you feel like your favorite song just got cut off mid-chorus.
Facing the Facts
Statistics tell a stark story. One in six couples in Ireland faces fertility issues, and among them, a significant number wrestle with secondary infertility. As Dr. Waterstone points out, this can manifest as guilt, especially when there’s already a child present. It’s easy for the world to overlook their pain, as they might not fit the “typical” infertility narrative.
What’s the timeline here? For women under 35, seeking help after a year of trying is recommended; for those over 35, it’s after six months; and for women over 40, three months is the call to action. The window can be painfully small, and the mental toll can feel immense. It’s critical to reach out for support, as there are options available, from medication to advanced fertility treatments.
Hope Shimmers in the Distance
For both Sarah and Suzanne, the road is filled with uncertainty, but their spirits remain illuminated by the flickering hope of future possibilities. “We’re doing fertility testing at the moment, but it’s hard to keep going,” Sarah expresses candidly. Yet the decision to press on stems from an inextinguishable desire, a longing that echoes within their hearts.
Suzanne, meanwhile, is rallying for change. Beyond her personal battles, she’s aiming to raise awareness about the broader issues surrounding reproductive rights in Ireland. Her experience navigating the complexities of pregnancy loss powers her determination, and she clings tightly to the hope of one day welcoming that longed-for sibling into her family.
Conclusion: A Shared Journey
Secondary infertility is an often invisible struggle, and those facing it deserve recognition and support. For Sarah and Suzanne, their stories shine a light on the deep-seated emotional and physical toll of trying to grow a family. The pain of longing not only resonates through their individual experiences, but it also creates a collective voice yearning to be heard. If you or someone you know is navigating this path, remember that help, understanding, and community support are always within reach.
Let’s open the dialog on secondary infertility, stripping away the layers of guilt, shame, and silence, and instead fill the space with hope, understanding, and the solidarity that we’re all in this together, come what may.