2024-11-23 11:22:00
“I blame myself a lot,” shyly says Jeanne*, 64, just retired from a career as a school teacher. This woman, who lives in the Paris region, was the victim of a feelings scam – also called “Sentimental scam” – by a man met on Let’s say tomorrowthe site for “over 50s”. In total, in one year, she lost more than 100,000 euros, “her entire life’s savings”. “When all my reserves were emptied, I took out two loans”, specifies, “ashamed”, this retiree.
“If someone had told me that this could happen to my mother, I would not have believed it,” says her son. He describes her as someone “very pragmatic”, “anchored in reality”, “naturally rather suspicious” and who is “careful about what she spends”. “I always saw her take promotions to save even the slightest bit,” he says. So the fact that she sent 100,000 euros to a stranger was amazing to me. »
A well-established life script
This story began in October 2023. Jeanne, who is in the process of separating, decides to use a dating site for the first time to “find love”. A few days after registering, she fell under the spell of a certain “Harry Evans”. A smiling, dark-haired man with glasses who seemed “good in every way,” she says. According to his profile, he was born in 1959, and is an architect.
“He told me that he was born in New Caledonia but that he had spent his life in London, adopted by his godfather after the death of his parents,” recalls the sixty-year-old. He also says he was married to a woman and had been the father of twin girls, but all three died in a road accident in 2016. After this “tragic event”, he decided to come and live in Paris, in the 6th arrondissement. . From the first exchanges on the site, the scammer asks for Jeanne’s email assuring that she “only wants to communicate with her”. “We had a lot in common,” explains the retiree. He reassured me, gave me advice after my breakup. »
The beginning of requests for money
Two weeks later, they exchanged phone numbers and started calling each other. “I didn’t suspect anything,” assures Jeanne. One day, Harry Evans announces to the teacher that he has to go to Rome for a construction site. “He even sent me photos…” she remembers. But another “tragic event” disrupts his journey.
“He called me completely upset, telling me that his godfather was hospitalized in Albania, also on a business trip, and that he was going to his bedside,” she says. The godfather dies and on the way between the hospital and his hotel, “Harry Evans” is attacked and has everything stolen (credit card, identity card, architect card, etc.). He then makes his first request for money from Jeanne to pay hospital bills. “The beginning of the end,” she says, still disappointed. Then it was for the transfer of the body, then for the hotel nights. “In one month, he received four transfers of 14,000 euros,” summarizes the victim’s son.
“I was in a kind of tunnel”
And this unfortunate “Harry Evans” continues the stories of “bad luck”. His problems with papers and money also postpone a possible meeting with Jeanne. “At the beginning, I had a lot of pity for this man to whom I had become attached,” she assures. But very quickly, I started not feeling well, stressed all the time, not sleeping. And when I had moments of lucidity, the way he spoke to me or what he told me made me start again. I was in a sort of tunnel, I couldn’t get out. I was like bewitched. »
To reassure her, the scammer uses “strong means”: letters of “recognition of debts”, bank “letters”, sending a bank card… He assures her that he will reimburse her once his godfather’s inheritance released, i.e. 2.5 million euros. “I got into the picture. I can’t understand how I could have stayed in this situation for so long,” she says looking back.
“Feeling scam” in search results
It was Jeanne’s former companion who realized that “something was wrong” last October. He warns Jeanne’s son who initially believes in a “kind of revenge” because of their breakup. And his mother “reassures” him, confiding that she had met this man during a party at a friend’s house and that they had seen each other several times in “real life”. “I had a feeling of shame and guilt, so I didn’t tell anyone,” explains the retiree. But a week later, this same ex sent “very suspicious” documents to Jeanne’s son. “My sister and I said we needed to talk to our mother. And quickly,” he says. The latter ended up “confessing” and followed her children’s instructions.
“It’s unfortunate because my mother was the perfect target, not necessarily being comfortable with technology,” remarks her son. The reflex I had was to do a reverse search with the photo of this man and the first result that came out was ‘feeling scam’. »
The responsibility of dating sites
For Jeanne’s son, dating sites must act to “protect their users”. According to Céline Boudière CMO Meetic Europe, spokesperson for Disons Demain, “personal safety” is “the priority” of the application. “We try to be irreproachable on this subject,” she assures. “For that, we invest a lot,” she explains. We have tools based on machine learning which helps us moderate profiles, detect suspicious language and, thus, delete these fake profiles. » A fraud and moderation team is also available “24/7” if a user ever has any doubts about a profile.
“The problem often is that these scams take place outside the application,” notes Céline Boudière. She then recommends to people who register to “read carefully safety tips » who warn about “digital scams”, to stay on the platform as long as possible. “As long as they are there, we can protect them,” she assures.
“There is clearly a lack of advice from the bank”
Jeanne, unfortunately, “only has her eyes to cry with,” exclaims her son. “I called the police to find out what attitude to adopt,” he adds. They told me to block it and advised me not to try to get money back because it had a lot of personal information about my mother and it could be dangerous. And the possible remedies end there. » He regrets the lack of consideration of the organizations, also responsible for these scams, according to him. “What do the conditions, the amounts, the situations matter: it’s no one’s problem in the end, it’s only the victim’s fault,” he laments.
More information on “romantic scams”
Before adding: “However, there is clearly a lack of advice from the bank. My mother was a teacher, and over the last year, just withdrawing cash, her average monthly expenses fluctuated between 7,000 and 9,900 euros. No one was worried that a primary school teacher was spending these amounts, it didn’t raise any red flags. Neither with the bank nor with organizations, like Sofinco, from which it took out loans. It’s crazy! »
*The first name has been changed.
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What are the common psychological tactics used by scammers to manipulate vulnerable individuals in online relationships?
7” to assist users and respond to reports of scams. However, despite these measures, users can still fall victim to sophisticated scams, as seen in Jeanne’s case.
Absorbed in her emotional turmoil and seeking connection after her separation, Jeanne did not recognise the red flags. Her son described it as being in a “tunnel,” where Jeanne’s rational judgment was clouded by emotional manipulation from the scammer. This scenario highlights the psychological tactics employed by fraudsters, who often exploit vulnerabilities in individuals looking for companionship.
Ultimately, Jeanne’s experience serves as a cautionary tale about the importance of vigilance and skepticism, particularly when engaging with people online. It underscores the necessity for dating platforms to enhance their security measures and education for users. Education, awareness, and the willingness to share one’s experiences can help others avoid the same pitfalls.
