2023-06-21 18:30:59
A popular saying is considered reasonable – do not build castles in the air in advance. But in fact, it only harms our psyche, says psychologist Denis Dolgov.
The saying “hope for the best and prepare for the worst” has been around in Britain for over two centuries. Now almost the whole world knows it in similar interpretations. It would seem that everything is quite logical and understandable: we must hope for a positive outcome of the event, because it is the most favorable. But anything can happen, so expect the worst. And in this thought lies the main danger.
Denis Dolgov, Clinical psychologist, hypnologist, NLP master, candidate of medical sciences:
“Many people consider it the right strategy to always internally prepare for the worst. Then, allegedly, all the surprises in life will be pleasant, you will either be right and not disappointed, or positively surprised. And in general, there is more opportunity to say “I warned you”. And, it seems, a rather rational scheme, but there is one flaw in it, ”the expert says.
When you are preparing for the worst, in any case, you are more or less intensely experiencing the emotions and states that this worst can lead to.
This, firstly, “burns out” your psychological resource, and secondly, these are the laws of the psyche, if you experienced something unpleasant inside yourself, even if this trouble did not happen later, a “scar” on the psyche, a kind of mini PTSD remains. But nothing has really happened yet. It turns out, in fact, that you are suffering from self-injurious behavior.
“That doesn’t mean you have to be a mindless optimist. Bad things happen and it’s best to have some kind of plan in case they happen. But you don’t have to live in a state of inner confidence that everything will definitely be bad, ”explains Denis Dolgov.
Let’s look at a specific example, the expert suggests. Let’s say a person you care regarding falls ill. He became seriously ill, with a 20 or even 30% chance of dying. This is a very high lethality. You decided in advance that everything would be bad, “buried” and “mourned” him. At the same time, they received the whole range of emotions due to this.
But the man survived. You have, in fact, experienced the death of a loved one that did not occur. For what? Because they were preparing for the worst, because it’s so “prudent.” Wouldn’t it be better to direct all the internal resources spent on experiencing a potential loss (and they will be spent, this is how the brain works) to organize assistance to a loved one, thinking that, most likely, he will survive? After all, the probability of this is 70-80%. Even if the irreparable happens, why relive it repeatedly? In fact, God knows how many times in advance? Be realistic, but let the glass, following all, be “half full”, concluded Denis Dolgov.
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