2023-09-15 14:27:55
September 15, 2023
Finished high school, it’s time to leave the nest to start your student life. Which means for some, whose family home is far from big cities, learning to live alone. And while most students crave freedom, being in your studio is sometimes a complicated step to take. How can we pass this milestone peacefully? Aline Nativel Id Hammou, psychologist in Nanterre and professional in the student psychological health system, answers us.
Why can finding yourself alone in accommodation be a source of apprehension among young students?
Aline Nativel Id Hammou : We find among many of them this strong desire to leave the family home, for more freedom and autonomy. But as soon as they are confronted with the reality principle, they realize that they are alone in a new, often small, space. In many testimonies, we find this imbalance between this desire for freedom and reality. These young adults find themselves in a new home, which is also a new territory to conquer. With a whole bunch of new responsibilities that come with it.
That’s to say ?
You have to learn to organize yourself, manage your life, go shopping, carry out administrative procedures, pay attention to your electricity consumption, manage a budget. Sometimes it’s a tsunami of burdens to bear. Thus, following experiencing their ability to remain alone, some students experience an anxiety phenomenon because they are not as comfortable as they thought with this autonomy.
You talked regarding housing as a new space to conquer, how to do it?
We must not neglect the decor, the layout, the objects, the bedding. It might be a cup in a cupboard, a poster on the wall, cosmetics in the bathroom, these are things that matter. You have to do everything to create a pleasant cocoon that reflects your image. Entering an empty space and filling it, transforming it with objects you love, is a positive dynamic that really helps you make the place your own. You don’t necessarily have to recreate your teenage bedroom, it’s time to think regarding your new tastes and not copy old ones. What matters: creating a secure home that resembles the young adult we have become.
Finding and implementing your own habits also count?
Yes, it’s a new context, we need to test it. What works in family life may no longer work in the student studio. We grope, we test and we end up implementing our own rituals. This might, for example, be testing all the bakeries in your neighborhood, finding the one you prefer and making it “your” bakery. All this allows you to build your own life and feel secure.
Can we prepare to be alone?
Getting organized, thinking regarding what you need in your home, taking an interest in transportation to get to school or university can help. Thinking regarding this new life in advance will allow you to condition yourself to it little by little. We can also anticipate the fact that there will be moments of depression, of boredom but which are perfectly normal. It is important to standardize them to manage them as best as possible. We must realize that it will not necessarily be easy but that we will get there.
Being alone with yourself can also be distressing…
Yes, it’s not simple. This is often conducive to introspection which has not necessarily been chosen. But we are talking regarding young adults, they have choices to make, they need to take a step back from certain situations, to think regarding the changes taking place in their lives. In consultation, I try to make them understand that being alone with oneself can also be beneficial for thinking, finding solutions, making decisions.
You were talking regarding boredom. Is boredom a problem that many students encounter?
Yes. Family dynamics are often a life force, even if we don’t realize it. Many students find themselves unable to escape boredom. And they were not aware of it in the family home, with all their regulated, ritualized habits. This can also end up triggering anxiety.
What advice should I give to a student who feels this discomfort?
It is important to listen to yourself! If a student feels the need to call their parents, they should do so. I often observe this desire to no longer ask for help, to not confide when things are not going well. But it is a real support to remain in a process of dialogue with your educational advisors, your parents most often, or even other members of your family. For example, you can schedule a video with your parents once a week or a call every two days. To reassure yourself, you may also need, alone in your home, to leave a light on to fall asleep. It’s not a problem, you have to listen to yourself, I repeat.
And how long can this need for reassurance last?
The more we listen to our little fears, the less they will last. Students must keep in mind that this is a transitional passage. This does not mean that we are weak, vulnerable or too attached to our parents. Creating social connections is also recommended, for this you have to make the effort to go to the student office, push the door of associations… And you should not hesitate to talk regarding your difficulties because many students feel exactly the same thing. Realizing that you are not alone helps a lot.
What if the milestone is ultimately too difficult to overcome?
Students are now entitled to eight free sessions with a psychologist as part of the student psychological health system. They can also turn to university medical services or student helplines. Having an online psychologist can help you unload and take a step back.
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Source : Interview with Aline Nativel Id Hammou, psychologist, Thursday September 7
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Written by : Dorothée Duchemin – Edited by: Emanuel Ducreuzet
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