2023-12-18 18:08:56
Par Masked Oval
Published on Dec 18, 23 at 7:08 p.m. See my news Follow Rugby News
Last week, I offered you a report on the clash between La Rochelle and Leinster, and unfortunately we were all disappointed by the quality of the match. As the weeks go by, it seems more and more obvious that the game of attacking rugby is perhaps the only thing Ronan O’Gara hates more than referees.
Fortunately, for the show, we can always count on Stade Toulousain! Because as everyone knows, Toulouse invented the beautiful rugby and holds the rights to it until the end of time. After a victory once morest Cardiff which was only a formality, this week the Rouge et Noir challenged a much more serious team, the Harlequins.
Harlequins are the kind of team that would almost make us love England. First there is the Twickenham Stoop: we are 20km from a megalopolis, and yet we have the impression of being in the depths of the English countryside. With its rotten locker rooms and old people with red faces emptying pints into the stands, this stadium looks stuck in the 60s. You might almost film a video for a Kinks song there.
Then there is also this filthy inimitable jersey, which embodies good British taste so well (that said, it is not sure that we can give lessons, the Toulouse residents having chosen to play under the colors of Clermont).
We are so cramped, we have the impression of being in Vianney’s skull. (©France 2)
And finally there is the Quins game, also resolutely focused on the offensive, like a man: Marcus Smith, the YouTube player par excellence. The fantasy of Carlos Spencer, the head-slap of Gavin Henson and the consistency of Frédéric Michalak: the kind of player regarding whom we can have the debate “genius or overrated scam?” » for another 10 years.
Personally I want to defend him, already because the poor guy gets beaten up in every match. (©France 2)
In short, two great teams, a beautiful English stadium, all the conditions were met for a great match! And this time, we were not disappointed.
This match was so beautiful that Adam Jones thought he would lose his beard… (©France 2)
The match film
However, everything did not start very well for Stade Toulousain. Shock from the first seconds of play: Antoine Dupont is treated like a common human being by the refereeing body! Worse, like a vulgar Maxime Machenaud.
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The #BestPlayerOfTheWorld is in fact penalized for taking too long to clear a ball. “Hey, we are not at the pieces” the Toulouse man tries to negotiate but unfortunately Mr Busby is not familiar with 19th century French expressions.
We’re going to have to speed up a little in rugby sevens, my little friend… (©France 2)
A few seconds later, it was Meafou who made the mistake. Fortunately for the Rouge et Noir, Marcus Smith does not find the touch, in a beautiful tribute to his French version Matthieu Jalibert.
Dupont, for his part, finds the touch: but direct. The scrum-half is clearly experimenting with a new style of play which involves doing shit for 5 minutes only to make opponents let their guard down and say “oh that’s okay actually”. Then for the next 75 minutes, he becomes Le Antoine Dupont once more.
Dominated and imprecise at the start of the match, Ugo Mola’s men will nevertheless strike first. With a little success. A ball hangs at the edge of a ruck, and Pierre-Louis Barassi does what we all do when we see a lonely and sad ball: he hits it hard.
The center manages to recover it, then following a slightly confused action, Pita Ahki makes the difference and makes a decisive pass for the same Barassi, who is already scoring his 4th try this season in the Champions Cup.
Very badly Ahki takes advantage sometimes. (©France 2) I was going to say “what class this Barassi is” and unfortunately the English production decided to capture this moment. (©France 2)
The match therefore started at a crazy pace. On the dismissal, the Toulousains are unable to get out of their camp effectively, and the Harlequins’ response is immediate thanks to André Estheruizen, the South African world champion (that always hurts to read, eh?).
If you don’t know this player, he is Damian de Allende’s understudy. More precisely, it is 2 Allendes: almost the same size, and the same pass to go big straight into the mouths of his opponents. After Gaël Fickou last week, it is Thomas “Tisseo” Ramos who plays the role of the metro turnstile, 7-7.
Ramolos tries to tackle… nothing happens! (©France 2)
The match continues at 1000 miles an hour, Pita Ahki, the classiest man in the world, once once more makes the difference by stopping an Englishman who is the author of a somewhat suicidal offensive surge. Having made a mistake on the previous try, Ramos made up for it by taking the interval.
Dupont is in the relay, then Arnold throws a nice concrete block, but it doesn’t even matter, following a last pass from Mauvaka, Dimitri Delibes can go and flatten it in the in-goal. Ah that’s for sure, when we’re used to La Rochelle, this concept of bringing the ball to life is a bit strange.
Ok that’s a lot of free balls on La Rochelle but it’s the only other French team trying to win this competition so… (©France 2)
7-14. The pace of the match will end up dropping a little following a head-to-head clash between Ahki and Dino Lamb. The Quins second row will remain on the ground for many minutes before being evacuated on a stretcher. The interruption is so long that we fear that the end of the match will be broadcast around 10 p.m. on Gulli.
Images that we really don’t like to see……. (©France 2)
Ahki receives a yellow card and the game resumes in a slightly more disjointed manner. The English obtain a long period of possession in the Toulouse 22, without managing to score. Then Ramos attempts a drop.
It probably wins points for Gaelic football, but not for rugby at the moment. (©France 2)
After this period of hesitation, the Stade finally managed to accelerate once more: Antoine Dupont did something like Antoine Dupont, Kinghorn passed his arms and Delibes escaped. Before finding Mauvaka at the conclusion, since Mauvaka is still there anyway.
While Kinghorn has fully begun his metamorphosis from Jauzion to kilt. (©France)
7-19. Is the break over? Well no. Because once once more, the Quins responded almost instantly. They also know how to do post-contact passes, and the second line replacing Irné Herbst is at the end of a beautiful movement.
Marcus Smith rate la transformation, 12-21 at the break. 4 good tries, play in all directions, a score still relatively close… we then say to ourselves that we are going to witness a thrilling second half. And it’s going well. On a nice combination in touch, Mauvaka (yes, him once more) launches Matthis Lebel perfectly.
Lebel doing what he does best: running straight ahead very fast with the stride of a cartoon character. (©France 2)
12-28, and already an offensive bonus for the visitors. But who says Stadium test, says Quins test in the process. Herbst goes to score a double following an English ball carried. 19-28. In fact, this match is super boring to talk regarding, there are tests all the time, we don’t even have time to make stupid mistakes or make GIFs of Marcus Smith’s hair.
Fortunately, there is still Adam Jones… (©France 2)
50 minutes into the game, that’s the moment Stade Toulousain chose to say “well come on, let’s stop the bullshit and finish the job badly”.
Everything starts once more with a revival from Blair Kinghorn who, it must be admitted, has already achieved more in two matches than Melvyn Jaminet in 1 year. Behind, Delibes, Ramos, Dupont and Roumat do their thing, and even Rodrigue Fucking Neti has a moment of genius, with a superb serve for Barassi’s double. An essay too beautiful and too long to fit into a GIF.
From this point on, the match turned one-sided. The Quins may remain faithful to their philosophy and make some nice game launches, but things are no longer progressing much. In defense, they are more and more overwhelmed: the Toulouse bench hurts, especially when you’ve already had Meafou in the face for an hour.
And once more, if it was just Meafou. (©France 2)
The end of the game turns into a massacre: Rodrigue Neti then Ramos will try once more.
Matthis Lebel is so bored that he decides to change teams. (©France 2)
Ramos’ try, however, did not help him solve his nervous problems, since he distinguished himself at the end of the match with a very bad move on Marcus Smith. Maybe a little offended to have been sat down by a 77 kilo Billy Crawford lookalike…
Well it’s true that he’s a little drunk with his goose step… (©France 2) 78th minute of a match that you win by 40 points, relax Thomas, go touch some grass. (©France 2)
A gesture which will escape the referee (and the disciplinary committee), because the famous anti-French plot of the EPCR was over the weekend.
This competition is always more exciting, isn’t it? (©France 2)
Score final, 47 to 19 for Stade Toulousain which, as they say, “sends a message to Europe”. Well, here, it’s more of an SMS, but downright a dick pick to clearly show who has the biggest one. Come on, see you in May for the final once morest Leinster!
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