When Therapy Seems to Make Things Worse
It’s been a long 20 years of marriage, filled with moments of connection, but lately, it feels as though we’re living separate lives. My husband decided to retrain as a therapist, a decision I supported given his unhappiness in his corporate job, where he insisted he wasn’t being given the promotions he deserved. He has always lacked self-awareness when it comes to his impact on others. Now, instead of being supported by colleagues, he spends hours talking about himself and how “he’s doing the work.”
The problem is, he hasn’t acknowledged the burden I’m carrying. I absorbed all the financial responsibility when he decided to retrain, picking up the slack around the house and caring for the children. I’m exhausted. When I try to express my needs or frustration, I’m met with resentment.
Is it normal to feel resentful? Am I wrong to feel ignored?
He’d said he wanted to become financially independent, to contribute. But now he’s mentioned wanting to do pro bono work after qualifying. I’m the one working long hours, dealing with the financial stress.
Is this normal behavior for someone going through therapy, or is this a deeper issue?
It’s Get Expert Advice on휘
It’s not uncommon to find that a partner’s journey of self-improvement can sometimes exacerbate relationship dynamics. While therapy ideally fosters introspection that benefits both the individual and the relationship, it sounds like your partner’s journey might be focused predominantly on his own needs and neglecting the impact this shift is having on you and your family.
## Is Wholeheartedly
It’s understandable to feel frustrated and unseen. A healthy relationship thrives on balance and reciprocity. Suggesting doing pro bono work while being entirely dependent on your financial support signals a lack of fairness. It appears the concept of shared responsibility hasn’t truly been absorbed in this process. You’re not wrong to feel hurt and resentful. Communicating your needs clearly and directly.
## Communication Breakdown
Think of it like this: He chose this new path. That path requires open, honest dialogue
It’s not you, the therapist’s answer isn’t translating into real life.
What Can You Do?
It’s essential to prioritize your own well-being. Consider seeking individual therapy. He’s grown accustomed to your silence. So You Need to Speak now
Start by scheduling a serious conversation where you clearly articulate the toll this is taking on you mentally and emotionally. Explain how you’re feeling unheard and how his pronouncements feel dismissive of your contributions. Emphasize that your support was contingent on him stepping up in other areas. A genuine partner listens and adjusts, not you. Be prepared to stick to your boundaries.
If his response lacks empathy or shows no willingness to change, injecting some reality into the situation. Therapy can bundle together.
How can couples effectively communicate their needs when one partner’s pursuit of self-improvement creates strain on the relationship?
## When Therapy Seems to Make Things Worse: An Interview with Dr. Emily Carter
**Host:** Welcome back to the show. Today we’re diving into a difficult topic: when a loved one’s pursuit of self-improvement seems to make things worse.
Joining us is Dr. Emily Carter, a licensed clinical psychologist specializing in couples therapy and communication.
Dr. Carter, thank you for being here.
**Dr. Carter:** It’s my pleasure.
**Host:** We received a heartfelt letter from a listener struggling with her husband’s decision to retrain as a therapist. Though she initially supported the move, she now feels overwhelmed and ignored. She’s carrying the financial burden and feels her husband dismisses her concerns.
Is this a common experience when a partner embarks on a journey of self-discovery?
**Dr. Carter:** It’s not uncommon for changes in a relationship dynamic to be challenging, even when initiated with good intentions. While therapy can be incredibly beneficial, it can also bring up underlying unresolved issues.
In this case, it sounds like the listener’s husband may be focusing inwardly on his own processing and development without fully acknowledging the impact his choices are having on his wife. This lack of consideration can understandably lead to feelings of resentment and being unheard. [[1](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/being-awake-better/202405/the-wisdom-of-resentment-from-toxic-to-tonic)]
**Host:** Our listener feels Brücke direct communication with her husband has been met with further resentment. What advice would you offer her in navigating this situation?
**Dr. Carter:** It’s important to remember that open and honest communication is key, even when it’s difficult. I recommend she try expressing her feelings *specifically* to her husband, focusing on the impact his actions have on her, rather than accusations.
For example, instead of saying “You’re always talking about yourself,” she could say, ”I feel lonely and overwhelmed because I’m managing everything alone while you’re focusing on your studies.”
**Host:** Those are excellent points. what guidance would you offer couples facing similar challenges?
**Dr. Carter:**
Seek professional help. Couples therapy can provide a safe space to explore these complex issues and develop healthier communication patterns.
Remember that self-care is crucial. Both individuals need time and space to process their emotions and recharge.
Be patient and compassionate. Change takes time, and it’s important to be understanding as your partner navigates their personal growth.
**Host:** Dr. Carter, this has been incredibly insightful. Thank you for sharing your expertise.
**Dr. Carter:** Thank you for highlighting this important topic. I hope our conversation encourages open and honest dialog within relationships.
