Depositphotos, Twitter (M)
The Silicon Valley Bank is saved! The ailing financial institution subsequently applied for Corona help in Austria today. This means that enough cash is available not only to continue operations, but even to expand. Experts speak of a brilliant move.
SAN FRANCISCO / VIENNA – “Your application has been approved,” smiles Finance Minister Magnus Brunner in the video call. “Uh, but we haven’t even sent off the application yet,” explain the puzzled Californian managers.
Brunner shakes his head: “Now is no time for stupid formalities. From the cradle to the grave: forms, forms. What is your account number? I saw that you have a vending machine with cola and chocolate bars in the foyer, so your institute is also considered a system-maintaining gastronomy business, so you can submit an application right away. Wait a minute, this application has already been confirmed. Congratulations!”
doer mentality
A bank manager smiles, Brunner opens his wallet. “Do you want it in cash? Bitcoin? flowercoin? Or you know what, I think it’s easier if we send you that instead of the money,” Brunner smiles and picks up a money printer.
“We in Austria have a saying, it goes: What cost the world? 89 euros at Media Markt.” That’s what the HP Geldscheißer 4000 inkjet printer costs, which is already being used by numerous well-known restaurants and gondola operators in Austria.
It is this efficiency, this unbureaucratic, down-to-earth doer’s mentality that makes Austria’s state apparatus so successful and that has pushed inflation in the country up to an unbelievable 11 percent. A value that other European countries can only dream of. “Only two more crises, then we’ll be in three figures,” smiles Brunner.
Sodexo Coupons
However, the bank rescue package has a small catch: around half of the 200 billion euro package will be paid out in the form of Sodexo vouchers for logistical reasons. These must be picked up at an Austrian post office. A delegation from California arrived in Vienna early this morning, but contact was lost following entering the post office. They are currently assumed to be somewhere between Mars bars and Hinterseer CDs.
imminent bankruptcy
The Austrian government is relaxed regarding a possible state bankruptcy. “Failure is part of it, that’s the spirit of Silicon Valley and COFAG, as the saying goes: Fail, Fail better, Fail once more, Fail always“, laughs Chancellor Nehammer.
“Now we are first of all optimistic, over there at the Amerigana our goodbye will be made,” says Nehammer, who has a deep understanding of the subject – he has seen several documentaries regarding Silicon Valley as part of his NLP studies and during his school days secretly studying photos of silicone breasts with friends.
Investment in Innovation
The cash injection comes at the perfect time for the ailing Silicon Valley bank. The first quarter of 2023 is likely to be the most profitable in the company’s history. They want to invest the rain of money in innovation. “We are building a new call center in India, where thousands of Indians can submit up to a hundred corona applications per minute,” explains a manager. Silicon Valley once once more lives up to its reputation as an innovation hub.
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