Talking to Teens About Sex: A Necessary Curiosity
The question of how to inform children and adolescents about sex is at the center of a heated debate. For thirty years, Professor Israel Nisand has been visiting middle and high schools, engaging with students on the complex relationship with sex, the dangerous messages conveyed by pornography, the realities of sexual violence and the crucial concept of consent.
In today’s world, pornography is more accessible than ever. On specialized websites or social platforms, adolescents, sometimes as young as nine or ten, can easily find themselves exposed to increasingly brazen and violent content. This, warns Nisand, creates a dangerous "scissors effect", where laws designed to protect minors are constantly struggling against the easy access to graphic content.
For many, their first encounter with sex education comes not from parents or teachers, but from frenetic strips of often violent online pornography. Its lack of any ethical grounding, showcasing violence against women, can leave teenagers with a distorted view of what constitutes healthy relationships and consent. Girls, confronted with this barrage of graphic content, often learn about sex through fear and harm.
Professor Nisand is adamant about the vital role playing schools must assume in addressing this delicate topic. Parents often struggle to thaw their own discomfort and open these conversations.
Traditional health primers on sexually transmitted infections alone are not enough, emphasizes Nisand. Daring to discuss these issues openly, with children as young as kindergarten, begins by equipping them with the basic vocabulary to understand their bodies and their feelings. Age-appropriate discussions about accepting or refusing touches, respecting personal boundaries, are the building blocks for healthy sexual attitudes.
But Nisand acknowledges that not all educators feel adequately trained to handle these conversations.
He advocates for mandatory training for all educators, the development of rigorous curriculum that speaks to the present day realities. Leaving it to chance, or attempting to combat the powerful influence of easily accessible online content, refuses to acknowledge the urgent need for comprehensive education.
For the boys pre-teen years are particularly crucial. They are seeking information, often turning to Barth disproven videos with adult men dubbed over the top.
openly discussing sex, teenagers, he says "sincerely want to know how to please a girl", and girls how to connect with boys, far beyond the simple infection avoidance.
These are not easy conversations to start. Educators may feel uncomfortable, parents may be bewildered, but the stakes are high. Ignoring these issues does not make them disappear; instead, adolescents are left to navigate a minefield of misinformation and potentially damaging messages. The consequences, for young people, and for society at large, can be vast.
The educational challenges are significant. Teachers might feel ill-equipped, parents might be reluctant, but Nesand’s message is clear: silence isn’t an option. It’s time to tackle the challenging but vital subject of sexuality head-on, equipping young minds with the knowledge and support they need to navigate the complexities of relationships and life in an evolving world.
What are effective strategies for parents to initiate age-appropriate conversations about sex and relationships with their children?
## Talking to Teens: A Necessary Curiosity
**Host:** Welcome back! Today we’re tackling a topic that’s often shrouded in taboo: sex education for young people. With us is Professor Israel Nisand, who’s spent decades educating middle and high school students about these complex issues. Professor Nisand, thanks for being here.
**Professor Nisand:** It’s my pleasure. This is a conversation that desperately needs to be had.
**Host:** You’ve spoken about the “scissors effect” of pornography being easily accessible to young teens. Can you elaborate on that?
**Professor Nisand:** Absolutely. While laws try to protect minors from explicit content, the reality is that pornography is rampant online, often just a click away. This creates a dangerous situation where young people, sometimes as young as nine or ten, are exposed to graphic and often violent material before they have the emotional maturity or context to understand it. [[1](https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/14681811.2024.2338275)]
**Host:** And what impact does this have on their understanding of sex and relationships?
**Professor Nisand:** It can be incredibly damaging. Pornography often presents a distorted view of sex, lacking any ethical grounding and frequently depicting violence against women. This can lead young people, especially girls, to learn about sex through fear and harm, rather than healthy intimacy and consent.
**Host:** So what’s the solution?
**Professor Nisand:** Schools need to step up and play a vital role in sex education. It can’t just be about STIs. We need to have open and honest conversations, even with younger children, about healthy relationships, boundaries, and respecting consent. Parents often struggle with these conversations, and schools can provide a safe and supportive space
for these discussions to take place.
**Host:** It sounds like you believe it’s never too early to start.
**Professor Nisand:** Exactly. By equipping children with the knowledge and tools to navigate these complex issues from a young age, we can empower them to make healthy choices and build respectful relationships.
**Host:** Professor Nisand, thank you for sharing your insights with us today. This is a conversation we need to keep having as a society.
