Self-love is sorely lacking in some people. When you don’t love yourself, you don’t take care of yourself, and we can suffer, make ourselves suffer, engage in toxic relationships because we will not have learned to listen to each other. We asked the following question “How to love yourself?” To Véronique Kohn, psychologist, specialist in couples and romantic relationships.
The article below is the transcript of the video embedded in this article.
Self love, how to
Véronique Kohn: This is the question that I call self-love, instructions for use. Everybody talks about it. You have to love yourself, love yourself. Sometimes it’s a bit excessive too. It’s really about self-love, and what is self-love? The answer is: it really is, first of all, to meet. It is an encounter with oneself.
To meet, you have to take time, spend time with yourself, have life experiences that make you say that – yes – I have done too much for others.
But to meet, you have to take time, spend time with yourself, have life experiences that make you say yes, I’ve done too much for others. For example, I gave too much and have symptoms that will show that we don’t love each other enough. Or we adapt too much to others. We are too much at the service either one wants to love too much, or one believes that others are indispensable. In the love relationship, for example, we will fracture, we are going to fall and at that moment, we are going to say Ah! Maybe I don’t love myself enough. Yes, it’s not wrong.
Listen to his “part of child”
So how to love? We come back to ourselves and we come back to being in contact with what I call the child part. What does my child feel and want now? So until I do this check, I’m busy distracting myself with lots of other things, so I’m out of touch with myself.
So for self-love, if I get back in touch with myself and with my desires, then I get back in touch with life in fact. And I will, as far as possible, satisfy my desires provided it is plausible in terms of reality. Maybe there, for example, I’m in a meeting. Here I would sit on my sofa to sip a cup of tea. Well no, there, I can’t right now. No, but I know I need it, so I’ll keep that in mind. And then as soon as I can, hop, I’ll do what it takes to satisfy this type of need. But I do not lose contact with me, including when I am with the other.