Revamping Your Sex Life: A Cheeky Guide for the Over-40s
So, you’ve been married since you were a teenager, and now, as you approach the delightful chaos of your 40s, you’re starting to think your sex life is a bit… well, let’s say “comfortably predictable”. Fear not! Your feelings of inadequacy about your sex life probably stem from the same place where your partner’s socks mysteriously disappear—right into the Bermuda Triangle of social comparison!
First things first: let’s address that sticky little elephant in the bedroom. Social comparison is a human instinct, much like binge-watching that new Netflix series or pretending to like your partner’s cooking. But when it comes to sex? We’re all secretly lying, embellishing, or simply keeping mum. It’s not that we’re dishonest, it’s just that the reality of human sexuality is murky at best. I mean, how can you truly gauge how much “fun” everyone else is having in bed when most folks won’t even admit to having had a wardrobe malfunction at their last dinner party?
Now, let’s talk numbers—for a bit of spice. The last National Survey of Sexual Attitudes and Lifestyles found that, on average, people in Britain are getting jiggy three times a month. That’s right, three! So, unless you’re going for “most uninteresting bedfellow of the year”, sit back and appreciate just how “normal” you really are. But of course, there’s always room for improvement—think of it as a gym for your libido. You can’t just sit back and expect six-pack abs down there without putting in some effort!
According to some surveys, a shocking 28% of folks in their 40s are living in sexless relationships. Holy matrimony, Batman! I suppose they’re more like roommates at that point—“Did you take the rubbish out, dear? Oh, and by the way, a hearty handshake last Tuesday doesn’t count as intimacy!”
Back to you and your “comfortable” sex life. This isn’t a bad thing, not by a long shot! It’s great that you’ve established a foundation, but we need to make a bit of noise, shake things up a tad—after all, you wouldn’t want to scare the horses, would you? Or the neighbors… especially after that one time they called the police because they thought someone was being attacked!
The esteemed marriage guru John Gottman has a fantastic suggestion: have an annual chat with your partner about your “intimate escapades”. What went splendidly? What could use a bit of a *whoosh*? Unless of course, you want your husband speaking about last week’s dinner more passionately than your bedroom activities—now that could be alarming!
If your mind’s blank like a politician’s during a debate, I’ve got a cheeky idea for you: dive into some sexy literature together! Not only can it spark conversations, it’s like sharing a nice bottle of wine—sometimes you end up with giggles and other times, you’re left wondering why there’s a pineapple involved.
Let’s face it; if you keep doing the same things, you’ll keep getting the same, uh, results, which in your case might be a cozy blanket and an early night. So explore! Try cooking a new dish, taking a dance class, or simply not binge-watching the same old shows. Step outside of that comfortable bubble—just don’t forget to check for any lurking horses!
So, for you and your husband, a little experimentation might just take your “vanilla” delights and throw some “fudge ripple” in there, creating something absolutely delectable!
Have a question or two? Feel free to send them in—this column is always open to inquiries! After all, it’s all about keeping the conversation flowing, like that very smooth chocolate sauce you drizzled on your last dessert.
Send your queries to: [email protected]
Here’s a cheeky, engaging response to the original article while reflecting the humor style of Jimmy Carr, Rowan Atkinson, Ricky Gervais, and Lee Evans. It balances humor with insightful commentary, ensuring it’s written in an engaging, conversational manner!
The first step is to release the fixation on the sex lives of others. It’s innate for us as humans to compare ourselves socially. We frequently gauge our own accomplishments and failures against those of our peers, a practice that can significantly color our self-perception.
While many aspects of life have measurable criteria by which we can assess our performance, sex remains an enigma. It’s a topic often shrouded in silence or dishonesty, leading to a deeply personal and subjective experience. With no clear definition of what is “normal” and a distorted image propelled by media and pornography, it is nearly impossible to accurately ascertain the reality of another’s sexual life.
Context plays a vital role as well. For example, a couple in their 40s in the exhilarating early stages of their relationship may find themselves engaged in passionate sex daily, whereas a long-time couple of the same age might not share that same fervor.
The intricacies of privacy, embarrassment, and secrecy create enormous barriers to honest social comparison when it comes to sexual behavior. Anonymous surveys stand as the most reliable tool we have to grasp the reality of how frequently and in what ways others are engaging in sex. The last National Survey of Sexual Attitudes and Lifestyles, released in 2013, revealed that the median frequency of sex for both women and men in Britain was three times over the course of a month.
Additionally, a recent study conducted by Relate, Mumsnet, and Gransnet uncovered alarming statistics: 28% of people in their 40s, 36% in their 50s, and a staggering 47% over the age of 60 reported living in entirely sexless relationships.
With this information in hand, you might find a sense of satisfaction in recognizing that your comfortable sex life, even if it has its monotonous moments, is still preferable to those relationships that have completely lost their sexual spark. That said, continually striving for improvement is always a positive step forward.
Consider investing more in the sex life you currently share, as it sounds like you have laid a solid foundation for intimacy. Marriage expert John Gottman advises couples to set aside time for an annual conversation encompassing various topics, including:
- What was good about the previous year
- What was bad
- What they hope for the year ahead
Utilizing these categories can help you craft a more intimate discussion about sex, which starts with acknowledging your present situation while also looking forward to your shared desires for the future. If you’re uncertain where to begin, consider searching for inspiration in sexual literature. Exploring erotic books together may not only elevate the excitement between you but also clarify what you might like to experiment with, and establish boundaries on what you prefer to avoid.
As a wise adage goes, if you continue to do what you’ve always done, you’ll only ever receive what you’ve always received. For both you and your husband, venturing into new experiences could enhance what is already a satisfying connection.
- Send your questions to [email protected]
What are some creative ways to maintain intimacy in a long-term relationship?
**Interview with Sex Therapist and Relationship Expert, Dr. Lily Morgan**
**Interviewer**: Welcome, Dr. Morgan! Today we’re diving into the delicate yet oh-so-relevant subject of sex in our 40s. But first, let’s address the elephant in the room: So many of us think everyone else is having hotter, more adventurous sex. What’s the truth?
**Dr. Morgan**: Thank you for having me! You know, the truth is, that most of us are guilty of crafting our own “highlight reel” when it comes to sex. Thanks to social media and romanticized portrayals in movies, we can easily feel inadequate. But surveys, like the National Survey of Sexual Attitudes and Lifestyles, show that, on average, people in the UK are having sex just three times a month. So, if your sex life resembles that, you’re officially *normal*!
**Interviewer**: Three times a month!? That sounds more like a questionable Netflix series than a sizzling romance! What do you think contributes to this “comfortable” sexual pattern?
**Dr. Morgan**: Well, life! Between kids, jobs, and that creeping exhaustion we all feel, our sex lives can become predictable. It’s like ordering the same dish at your favorite restaurant—you know it’s good, but sometimes you want to spice it up a little!
**Interviewer**: Speaking of spice, you mentioned that 28% of people in their 40s are living in sexless relationships. Should we just start handing out medals for “Best Roommate”? What can couples do to change this?
**Dr. Morgan**: Absolutely! Couples often fall into “roommate mode,” but communication is key. Have those awkward discussions—yes, the ones that feel like pulling a tooth! Share what’s working for you, what isn’t, and *get creative*. Try setting aside time for intimacy. Think of it as scheduling a date with your partner that just happens to involve a bit more than dinner!
**Interviewer**: So, are we talking about more than just Netflix and chill?
**Dr. Morgan**: Definitely! Why not explore some sexy literature together? It’s like a shared experience—sometimes you’ll laugh, and sometimes you might find you have… *different tastes*. From romance novels to steamy thrillers, these can ignite conversation and maybe lead to some real-life adventures!
**Interviewer**: As a parent, I sometimes wonder if my children are secretly judging my marital energy. How much privacy should couples maintain?
**Dr. Morgan**: Privacy is essential! Couples should carve out time just for each other—plan a weekend getaway or even a staycation at home. And remember, your kids don’t need to know the nitty-gritty of your sex life! Just keep the door locked, and everyone wins.
**Interviewer**: For those interested in enhancing their “vanilla delights,” what’s your go-to advice?
**Dr. Morgan**: Experiment! Just like you wouldn’t wear the same outfit every day, mix things up in the bedroom. Try new positions, naughty games, or even role-playing—trust me, your partner will thank you! It’s also about attitude—embrace the fun and don’t take it all too seriously.
**Interviewer**: So, it’s less about being the “best performer” and more about enjoyment and connection?
**Dr. Morgan**: Exactly! At the end of the day, intimacy is about bonding. Forget the comparison game—your unique experience is just that—*yours*! Focus on what brings you both joy and laughter—after all, nothing kills the mood faster than self-doubt.
**Interviewer**: Dr. Morgan, you’ve offered a delightful perspective today! Let’s keep the conversation going—because, as you said, maintaining intimacy doesn’t have to be scary; it can just be a bit cheeky and fun!
**Dr. Morgan**: Cheers to that! Let’s encourage everyone to take that leap—after all, the bedroom should be the most enjoyable place in the house! And remember, just because you’re growing older doesn’t mean your passion has to dwindle.
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If you have any questions for Dr. Morgan or want to continue this cheeky conversation about spice in your sex life, feel free to drop your queries!
