2023-10-07 06:27:06
I am from Simoca, a town near the capital of Tucumán. My birthplace, and where I lived most of my life, is in the countryside, at the intersection between Balderrama and La Rinconada, but my social life was always in Simoca; I went to school there, my friends were from there, and the folklore groups I started playing with as a child were also from there.
I tell this to put into context where I grew up and what my universe was. I was a very free child, who played a lot at being an artist, dancing, singing in imaginary scenarios, pretending that they did interviews with me, that I had radio programs. I also really liked dressing up, which was normal to me, and although sometimes I would receive the occasional joke from a friend or family member for how I moved, or for the things I did – which were very different from those of other children who They were hitting each other all day or playing soccer – I was still a very free child.
Until I started primary school, where the harshest teasing from my classmates began: bullying. As a consequence, I began to take care of myself little by little, being so little, of not being so free in front of them.
Already being eight years old I started playing instruments, more specifically guitar, and then violin. I began to take refuge heavily in music. I went from being the faggot at school, to the one who played the violin, and that saved me from the bullying becoming stronger.
My personality began to fragment, at school and in other areas I attended (places to learn folklore). He was shy, he barely spoke, he was embarrassed with everyone, except two or three little friends. In my house I was still that free child, who played at being an artist and who, luckily, had many cousins and aunts who played along.
Time passed and I entered other areas, and in all of them, I was the same shy boy who in the only moment I went forward without fear was when I was making music (always folklore, that was my context): that of music. folklore, clubs, festivals, sexist jokes, jokes regarding sexuality, the normal thing at that time. That panorama made me go deeper and deeper. He was fully aware of being gay, he knew it for sure, but that was not an acceptable option for me: I denied it to myself and everyone around me. The normal thing in those years was that the main joke was to make fun of someone for being gay, or to blame someone for being gay, and today, I realize that no matter how much I tried not to let it be noticed, everyone saw it: a giant elephant in the room.
The cultural issue at that time was stronger than what I felt.
Growing up in a context of such deep-rooted machismo created an increasingly harsh barrier for myself, and I refused to accept my sexuality for a long time. It was necessary for me to completely get away from everything that had to do with folklore, except music. I stopped frequenting festivals, clubs, and any context in which I felt I mightn’t be myself, but this only happened when I reached the limit of putting up with the character I created to not come out of the closet. It coincided with the release of the Equal Marriage Law, the debate everywhere made me start to question so much denial. I saw a little light in the midst of so much darkness, and I had reached a breaking point in my life, because I was looking to go far away to be myself, something that obviously didn’t help, because life doesn’t work like that.
One day, following leaving a job in which I did not feel comfortable, it clicked: without preparation, without any particular event, my mind changed and I was encouraged to return to being as free as I was as a child. Today I celebrate that everything has changed, and although there is still room for improvement, the environment of folk music is no longer that way, but the battle is still to talk regarding the issue so that no child stops being free because of the bullying of a few sexist gauchos.
*Musician
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#Return #freedom #existed #childhood #create