Kelsey Combe was a stay-at-home mom for five years with her two children. Courtesy of Kelsey Combe
- Kelsey Combe is a 37-year-old wedding photographer from Naperville, Illinois in the USA.
- After five years as a housewife, she sent her five and three-year-old children to daycare full time.
- She said being at home all day was lonely and overwhelming at times.
This is a machine translation of an article from our US colleagues at Business Insider. It was automatically translated and checked by a real editor.
This essay is based on a conversation with Kelsey Combe. It has been edited for length and clarity.
I never thought I would be a housewife. When my partner and I lived in New York, I ran a successful wedding photography business. After fertility treatment, I became pregnant and gave birth to our first child in October 2019.
My plan was to send him to daycare after my maternity leave. Then the pandemic came. Weddings were canceled and daycare centers closed. Since I didn’t have a job, I decided to become a housewife.
We left New York and moved to California and then Illinois for my husband’s tech job and to be closer to family. Because of the many moves, I was unable to rebuild my business. During these years I became pregnant again and gave birth to my second child.
Five years after the birth of my eldest child, I sent my two children to daycare full-time for the first time. I finally feel like a human again.
I didn’t have any breaks while I was home with my kids
As much as I loved being my children’s caregiver and being involved in everything, those five years often felt overwhelming. As a housewife, there are no breaks, no time for yourself. It was really hard to be the one they were completely dependent on at all times. I felt “overwhelmed” because of course they wanted to be around me and on top of me all the time.
I’ve only showered once a week for the past five years — and when I did, I was always worried about what might happen in the meantime. While I was doing laundry, tidying up, grocery shopping, sorting underwear, or cooking dinner, I was also trying to manage and manage everything with the kids.
Even when I cut a banana wrong, I had a meltdown. Either the children were arguing and I had to mediate the dispute again – or they were sick and I had to take them to the doctor.
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There was also a lot to do at home and I felt like my brain never switched off. It felt like it was in 500 places at once: meal prep, groceries, snacks, diapers, clothing and diaper sizes, nap and crib transitions, nighttime sleep, nightlights, wake-up lights, nutrition, screen time limits, reading, development, activities, laundry , cleaning, dishwashing, disinfecting, vaccinations, illnesses, medication and laundry again. I was never able to sit back and relax.
The emotional labor was overwhelming
It was also really lonely. Even at playdates, I was always running after the kids and couldn’t really talk to the other adults.
I remember telling people that the situation was weighing on me. Some told me how quickly this time would pass and that I would regret wishing it away. That these were the best years and I should soak them up. I wish they hadn’t ignored the hard parts of parenting, but heard and empathized with my feelings.
We should stop telling women to be grateful and stop judging them when they talk about how hard and isolating being a stay-at-home mom can be.
Even though I had started rebuilding my photography business in 2023, both of my children were still at home with me. My parents raised me to do everything on my own. If I was able to care for my children and work, why should I pay for help?
During the day I might put on TV for a few hours to get my work done quicker. As soon as my husband got home, I would leave the house to meet a client or do a photo shoot. I often worked in the evenings.
I was exhausted. In June, my sister told me that it was time to put my kids in daycare — that I was working now and needed the space and time to build my business.
I sent her to daycare
I knew she was right. If I hadn’t sent her to daycare, I might have had a breakdown. Now that they’ve been in daycare for a few weeks, I feel human again. I can do a lot of things around the house without constantly being interrupted.
When my children return home, I love spending time with them – because I’m not constantly needed by them. Within these five years, I had the impression that my professional field had developed further – and that I still had a lot to catch up on.
However, you have to dig deep into your pockets for childcare. This is a big problem because if my children’s daycare wasn’t so expensive, I would have started working again much earlier.
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