Questioning bisexuality is violent

© Provided by Paula
Third

Journalist Tamy Palma has memories of expressing her bisexuality from a very young age. Since elementary school, she says, she wrote intensely in her agenda Pascualina when she liked a classmate. “I was afraid of what I felt, but I wanted to leave a record.” As she grew older, she sensed more and more that what she felt was “wrong” socially, until one day she was so ashamed and afraid of having this and other evidence of her sexual orientation that she ended up throwing away that Pascualina with her first bisexual accounts. She then decided to drop the subject. “I grew up hearing that bisexuals were people who didn’t make up their minds. Then I started talking to my friends regarding men and forced myself to be with them so as not to be weird. Initially I went through stages where I felt like I was in a closet thinking I was a lesbian, other times when I felt more straight than ever. Only very recently did I reconcile myself to that duality, when I understood that it didn’t have to be one thing or another, that I might like a man or a woman or whoever, because it’s not definitive or decisive.” Even today, at 31 years old, the issue continues to generate chaotic reactions in Tamy’s social environment. Every time she brings up the topic with someone for the first time, she faces a lot of doubts and questions that lead to other conversations regarding her sexuality. “I receive comments of all kinds, it is like always being exposed. They ask me the same question regarding what I like more, men or women. When I’m with men they tell me I’m straight, when I’m with women they tell me I’m a lesbian. Those comments inevitably get into my unconscious and make me much more aware of my behavior, as if I did something wrong.

That it doesn’t really exist, that it’s just a fetish, that they are promiscuous and hypersexualized people, in a phase of confusion or they just don’t want to come out of the closet. Even in the 21st century, with all the advances in gender issues and sexual dissidence, bisexuality continues to be the subject of numerous myths, caricatures and prejudices, even from the LGTBIQ+ community itself. Specialized activists and psychologists speak here of the importance of “bi” visibility and demolish the myths and prejudices that perpetuate their discrimination.

It seems incredible, but just less than five years ago the RAE was still using the word “hermaphrodite” to define bisexuality. Fortunately, today the definitions circulate more fluidly. Rodrigo Figueroa, Director of NGO CERES, an organization that has a psychology team with specialists in sexual diversity, defines bisexuality as a romantic, emotional and/or sexual attraction to more than one sex or gender. “It is important to note that different attractions can be felt by different genders at different times in life, there is no rule because we are referring to constructs.” The North American bisexual activist Robyn Ochs defines it in a similar way: “the potential to feel attraction – romantically or sexually – for people of more than one sex or gender, not necessarily at the same time, not necessarily in the same way and not necessarily to the same degree. Thus, various professionals and bisexuals themselves mostly ascribe to this way of cataloging bisexuality, but it is still defined and everything is still being questioned. For the Doctor in Psychology and CEPPS UDP Researcher, Alemka Tomicic, bisexuality is a sexual orientation that has historically been less visible and understood and, in this sense, the object of particular discrimination. “It presents the complexity that in terms of sexual behavior and establishment of a couple, the person is not necessarily one day with a man and another day with a woman, and that in our culture, which tends towards the binary and only recognizes what is homosexual and lesbian. , it is very difficult to understand. That creates discrimination.” According to psychologist Nik Mac-Namara Barrenechea, a specialist in gender perspective and the LGBTIQ+ community, this discrimination even extends to therapeutic spaces. “From psychology, bisexuality has also been associated with “erratic” sexual behaviors, it has been seen and defined as a promiscuous, unhealthy expression of sexuality, and even as a sign of indecision. Today there are many mental health professionals who continue to replicate this violence and biphobia. Bisexual people are often treated as “a woman who wants attention” or “a man who doesn’t want to accept that he is gay.” So too, she assures, it would happen in the medical field in general: “They ask you for a huge battery of tests for sexually transmitted infections if you mention that you are bi, and they also explain that you are perhaps very confused and that you need therapy.”

Ambiguous and promiscuous.

Rodrigo Figueroa points out that one of the main judgments that revolve around bisexuals is viewing them as promiscuous people, who do not know what they really want, confused or afraid of a partner commitment. Nik Mac-Namara also agrees: “Promiscuity is the first thing that is usually associated with bisexual people, who supposedly would have very little filter when choosing our sexual partners and who, in addition, would be constantly sexually active. It is a very moralistic judgment, very Catholic. The reality is that bisexual people, beyond the fact that they may be monogamous or polyamorous, do not always have an active sexual life. Bisexuality is also strongly associated with a lack of commitment, or an “unserious” stance regarding relationships. It seems that there is this idea that being bisexual is being a person not suitable for a formal bond. Alemka, for her part, also notes as something recurrent the fact that bisexuals are branded as promiscuous people, who are not capable of establishing formal relationships, but adds that deep down all these conceptions lead to the most important discrimination : make it invisible. “Suggesting that bisexuality does not exist means denying the existence of that identity aspect of a person, and that is tremendously violent.”

double discrimination

Alemka Tomicic also points out that there would be double discrimination once morest bisexuality “On the one hand from a heteronormative culture, but also from the LGTBIQ+ community for not considering themselves “really” gay or lesbian, and therefore not really belonging to sexual diversity. . Also in some extreme lesbian feminist approaches, it is heard that there is a gender betrayal in the case of bisexual women for being with men”. This is also confirmed by Felipe Figueroa: “I would love to say no, but as an LGBTQIA+ community we also sometimes reproduce the same heteropatriarchal discourses in which we are immersed as a society, where grays are difficult to consider and normalize. Possibly it has to do with the little understanding in relation to the collective misconception that there is regarding being bisexual, being rather a spectrum where different types of attractions, intensities, contexts, etc. fit.”

Regarding violence data, a report from the Open University of England found that rates of depression, anxiety, self-harm and suicide were higher among bisexuals than in heterosexual and homosexual groups, and 27% of bisexuals and 18% of bisexuals have experienced biphobia within their LGTBIQ+ community. Furthermore, nearly one in two bisexual women in the United States has been a victim of rape, which is triple the rate of victims who are heterosexual and lesbian women, and 75% of bisexual women have been victims of rape. of other forms of sexual violence. Likewise, bisexual women are twice as likely to be subjected to rape, physical violence or criminal harassment by their partner than heterosexual women. Finally, as an example, in Scotland, 48% of bisexuals are subjected to biphobic comments and 38% have been subjected to unwanted comments of a sexual nature related to their bisexuality. In the words of the UN, bisexual people suffer many of the same abuses as gays and lesbians, including widespread criminalization and discrimination as they must lead with an additional set of negative stereotypes, leaving many people “bi” feeling misunderstood, isolated and at risk of abuse, especially women, who experience disproportionately high rates of violence, including rape. They are also at increased risk for bullying, homelessness, depression, and suicidal thoughts. As a result, most “Bi” people fear “coming out,” even to their closest family and friends, the organization notes.

“Biphobia has many more effects on mental health even than in gay and lesbian people, precisely because of the invisibility,” adds Tomicic. “In terms of restoring rights, care and recognition, we must be very clear that bisexuality is a sexual orientation, it is not a phase, it is not a moment of searching, questioning, it is something that exists. The first step in moving towards pride -the antidote to stigma- is visibility. As a society, we must recognize the existence of different sexual orientations; all of them are legitimate, healthy and worthy of being celebrated”.