2023-05-04 20:46:43
“I am suffering because I have a strong desire to be noticed”
Today is the 3rd day of our journey to Thimphu and the day we arrive in Thimphu. The monk had breakfast at the lodging.
After the meal, we departed for Thimphu at 7:00. The sun was coming out after the rain yesterday. The meandering scenery outside the window was as clear as the autumn weather in Korea.
On the way to Thimphu, I made a short visit to the Punakha Dzong in the Punakha region. The Punaka Bell was built in the 1600s and was partially destroyed by flooding in 1986, but was restored in 2003.
Punakajong was like a natural fortress built at the junction of two great rivers. Although it is called a temple, it was built as a structure surrounded by walls on all sides to defend against outside invasion. Entering the Punaka Bell, I saw a large Bodhi tree.
The monk entered the Punaka sect hall, bowed three times, and looked around the hall slowly. Inside the sanctuary, there were paintings of the Four Heavenly Kings, murals of Buddha’s life, and paintings depicting the reincarnation of the limpoche. Dozens of monks came to the temple and chanted scriptures. The courthouse was very large.
After leaving the temple, the monk looked around the dormitory of the monks and the small temple, and then set off for Thimphu again.
On the way to Thimphu, I looked at the mountain outside the window and saw a large group of eagles on the mountain. Tashi said.
“I’ve seen eagles one by one, but I’ve never seen so many eagles.”
Tashi said he would buy the monk’s favorite gobi and prepare a side dish for him. On the way, I stopped at a market to buy gobi, and drove another three hours to Thimphu BNF Center.
While having a dinner, the monk discussed the schedule of meeting with Tashi, the representative of the Nonnary Foundation, and government officials, and then entered the inn to do business. Tomorrow we are going to have a live broadcast of the ascetic practice. Since there was no Dharma talk today, I will finish the article by conveying what happened last week on Friday.
“I have a very strong need to be noticed. Since I was young, I had a strong desire to get noticed, so I even tried to become an idol singer. When I was in school, I wanted to be noticed, so I studied hard. Even today, I spend most of my day thinking that I want to be noticed. And then it’s painful when you feel the gap with reality. These days, I also have doubts about my chosen field. My obsession with wanting to be noticed continues, what should I do?”
“Everyone has desires, and when things don’t go their way, they become irritated or angry. Also, everyone wants others to pay attention to them or praise them. This is neither good nor bad because it can be seen as a universal desire that all humans have. However, it can be seen as a function of the human mind. Animals have relatively few such needs. That doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist at all. Most animals live their lives without paying attention to other animals, but when it comes time to give birth, the male looks or acts to attract the attention of the female, and the female looks or acts to attract the male. take action. If you look at this, you can see that the desire to be noticed is inherent in living things. However, human beings can see that such a desire is a little stronger than other living things.
But think about it. If everyone is trying to get the attention and not others, who will get the attention in the end? So if I want to be noticed, I have to be noticed by someone else. I have to pay attention so that someone else can get attention. If I ask others to pay attention to me while I am not paying attention, that is a request that cannot be fulfilled. The questioner’s desire for attention is normal, but listening to the question, it can be said that the desire is excessive. Anything in excess is a disease. So, if the monk gives advice, it would be nice to receive help from a neuropsychiatrist rather than living with the thought of wanting to be noticed all the time like now. If you go to the neuropsychiatrist and talk to him like you just talked to the monk, the doctor will diagnose you. Neuropsychiatrists have studied this field for 6 years at university and have clinical experience after studying for several more years as a major, so if you listen to the questioner’s story, you will find out whether such symptoms are caused by specific frustrations in childhood. It is possible to determine whether the symptoms are caused by over-secretion or under-secretion of a specific substance. Even if their judgment is not 100% correct, they can help a little because they have a long experience in diagnosis. If you consult them, listen to their advice, and receive treatment, you can solve it a little easier.
From the monk’s point of view, the current condition of the questioner appears to be in need of treatment. It’s not a very serious condition, but I would like to seek professional help and treatment. Instead, psychiatric treatment is not yet curative in many cases. Instead, it prevents worsening of symptoms or is effective for emergency treatment. So, it is better to seek help from a psychiatrist first. After treatment, if the interrogator wants to overcome these symptoms a little more, the interrogator must change his mind. Living in the world, there must be going to come, and there must be giving to receive. In a seesaw game, when one side goes up, the other side goes down. This is the ichi of the world. Even when it rains, it rains only when water evaporates, and it does not rain when water does not evaporate. When there is an effect, there is a reasonable cause for it.
Even in the case of the questioner, just because I want to be noticed first does not mean that others will pay attention to me. When people pay attention to something, it fits their needs, they like it, or they pay attention to it because they need it. People don’t pay attention to someone saying, ‘Please look at me’. Everyone pays attention for their own needs. So even when you pay attention to me, it’s not because I’m good at it. I only pay attention to them for their needs. If people need money from me, advice from me, learning from me, support from me, then they will take notice. Each person calls and makes requests according to their needs. But when people make such demands, my life actually becomes a nuisance. Popular celebrities may look good from the outside, but in reality, their lives are often tiring or difficult. People who are known like that find it difficult to go to a restaurant and have a quiet meal, and it is difficult to go to a public place. Even though I am eating, people come and ask for my autograph, and wherever I go, people come and ask for my autograph. So outside activities are not free.
Knowing these difficulties, the Jungto Society treats people well-known in society the same as ordinary people. Then, some famous people feel sad that they don’t recognize them again. When people recognize them, they get tired of saying they recognize them, but when no one recognizes them, they feel sad that they don’t. This is also a disease. If you recognize them and pay attention to them, then they will worry that life is becoming more troublesome. Then they came to the monk again and said, ‘People are making me poor. What should I do?’ You will be asking these questions. (laugh)
It’s up to them to pay attention or not. It’s not my part to be involved in. It’s not because I asked you to watch it, and it’s not because I told you not to pay attention. If they need it, they pay attention, and if they don’t need it, they don’t. It doesn’t matter what I do. Also, even if people pay attention, they usually show interest for a short time and then their interest fades over time. Because everyone is busy with their own lives. They only pay attention according to their own needs, and paying attention to the questioner is not necessarily a good thing. If the questioner gets too much attention, his life becomes difficult. If people listen and pay attention to the monk’s direct statement, is that because people are paying attention to Venerable Pomnyun? Are you paying attention for yourself?”
“For yourself.”
“Everyone pays attention to themselves. So the monk doesn’t care much whether people read more or less of his teachings. Seeing a lot means they need it as much, and seeing little means they don’t need it as much. If no one sees it, it’s something people don’t need, so you can just stop. Not too long ago, I met someone who was worried about the growing number of Buddhists. So I said this. ‘Why should you be concerned about that? If religious teachings help to live the world, people will increase, and if they do not help to live the world, it will decrease. If it doesn’t help people, I can stop doing it. Why do I need people in the world for Buddhism?’ If you listen to the stories of people who have a religion or do something related to religion, it seems like there must be worldly people for a church or a temple. Rather, shouldn’t there be moderation and a church for the sake of the people of the world?”
“Yes, it is.”
“Everyone in the world engages in religious activities for their own needs and visits others. So if people don’t pay attention to the questioner, it’s not necessarily bad for the questioner. Just because you pay attention to the questioner doesn’t mean you’re doing it for the questioner. Whether paying attention or not, people do it for their own needs, and they are not very interested in the questioner. So the questioner can just live the life of the questioner. Whether they pay attention or not, that’s their problem, and I have to have the perspective of living my life. If you pray, you must have this kind of heart. ‘I’m living a good life. I have no problem.’ If you keep praying like that, you will get much better. If you have any other questions, ask.”
“I get obsessed with the thought of wanting to marry a celebrity I like. What should I do?”
“It is an act of bringing misfortune on oneself. First of all, there are hundreds, thousands, tens of thousands of people who like famous celebrities. So, first of all, the probability of marrying that person is very low. Even if they get married, since there are many women who like their husbands, the questioner must always live with jealousy and suffering. So you should know that what you are thinking is as dangerous as a rat eating rat poison. First of all, you just have to know that the possibility is very low, and even if that low possibility does miraculously become a reality, it will only make things worse.”
“Yes, I understand.”
“I can understand the questioner’s mind. If you like the other person, you can have a wish to stay with that person. But in reality, there are so many other people who like that person that it is realistically very difficult for that person to establish a relationship with the questioner in the first place. Also, even if you are lucky enough to have a relationship, the other person will have numerous relationships with other people, so it is impossible for the questioner to monopolize such a person. In that case, the questioner will have to live with fear, jealousy, and suffering until he dies. That’s just as stupid as a rat eating a sweet potato with rat poison, which is only good for a few seconds and then dies quickly. Whenever I think of that, I have to keep thinking of the words, ‘Right now, the rat wants to eat food with rat poison.’”
“all right.”
“The most important thing for the questioner right now is to receive psychiatric treatment. Even tomorrow, if you voluntarily go to the hospital, get a checkup, and receive a prescription, you will feel much better.”
“Yes, thanks for the kind words.”
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#suffering #strong #desire #noticed