Health problem of a spouse or friend, old age of the parents or handicap of a child… the accidents of life are all factors that can lead us to invest ourselves with a loved one.
To be what we call a helper, in other words someone who participates in home care and support for people with loss of autonomy.
But this – sometimes unconditional – devotion can create psychological suffering and even lead to “nurse syndrome”.
Hélène Brocq, psychologist in the department of physical medicine and rehabilitation of Professor Fournier at the University Hospital of Nice, deciphers this phenomenon for us.
Nurse syndrome… what does it mean?
This corresponds to the excessive need to save the other. These people do not seek recognition from those around them, they are purely altruistic and invest themselves to the point of neglecting and sacrificing themselves. Thus, they let the other pass before their own needs. This pattern can relate to any type of relationship: professional, romantic, family. But it is more particularly present in the case of caregivers.
Why are they particularly affected?
Because the duty of help requires the helper to put aside what he feels, to ignore his own affective dimension to be completely devoted to the one he helps. The companion becomes the arms and legs of the person losing their autonomy, sick or disabled. His moral support as well. It can be the parent helping their child or the wife supporting her husband. For some caregivers, and depending on their personal situation, it is very difficult, if not impossible, to distance themselves from the person they are caring for. Because the latter is their reason for living and the bond that unites them is stronger than anything. Remember that we are social beings and we build ourselves within the framework of a human relationship. It happens then that this attachment to the other is primordial. Caregivers can fall more easily into this syndrome because of their personal experience.
When can caregiver altruism become problematic?
When there are no limits. The caregiver then falls into empathic over-commitment. He completely blocks his own affective dimension. On a daily basis, he does not allow himself any moment of respite. He can even go so far as to silence his symptoms when he has them. He deploys incredible energy for the beneficiary of his care, but this altruistic impulse is not without consequences.
What impact on the caregiver?
This excessive need to save the other can create psychological suffering that sets in quietly. Often, the helper finds himself in great solitude in relation to his own suffering. He imposes barriers on himself, forbidding himself to talk regarding his feelings. He may find himself in a state of emotional, physical and psychological exhaustion. This is where rescue sometimes involves the sinking of the helper. The risk of burnout is real. Often caregivers don’t complain, but that doesn’t mean they don’t have a problem. Remember that helping a person is a heavy responsibility that tests both body and mind.
And for the caregiver who is still just a child…
A child’s excessive over-commitment to a loved one can have very serious repercussions on their future. First of all there is the risk of dropping out of school but also that of developing anxieties: fear of attachment, fear of death or illness.
What solutions?
It is necessary to hear and support the psychic work of these caregivers. The psychologist is there for that. It can identify risk factors and prevent them. Weakened by their situation, caregivers need financial support, but also moral and psychological support, information and training, and of course, means that will allow them to take respite. But, to date, there is no real support and that is the problem.
What would be the lines of thought?
It would be necessary to think of times of respite for caregivers, think of places to build community and get them out of isolation. For those who are still minors, it is absolutely necessary to prevent the risk of dropping out of school. As part of the local mental health council (CLSM) in Nice, of which I am a member, I would also like to raise awareness among all those involved in the psychological suffering of caregivers. Dr. Richard Chemla, the city’s health assistant, is also very sensitive to this initiative.
Where does the name of this syndrome come from?
The concept of “nurse syndrome” is a derivation of another concept from research in psychology: “The Florence Nightingale effect”.
The latter refers to the real story of a nurse strongly committed to improving medical care and the living conditions of patients and whose involvement in the field was considered excessively affective.
The Florence Nightingale effect points to a confusion of passions: the love of the profession mixes with the love for the people with whom it is exercised.
“He was the patient and I was his nurse”
For years, Pauline took care of her late husband Charles. “ He had had major knee surgery and was bedridden for a long time. I took care of his care, his medication. He sometimes fell out of bed at night, it was very distressing. He was the patient and I, his nurse. He was my priority.”, explains the retiree from Vallauris. On a daily basis, Pauline was able to count on the help of her children. Despite everything, she lived in constant anguish of no longer being able to take care of her husband. “I was always very afraid of falling
in the stairs. I always said to myself, don’t be stupid, you have to be there ».
Now a widow, Pauline admits that daily life is sometimes heavy. ” Charles was at the center of all my concerns. Our days were punctuated by the comings and goings of nurses and physiotherapists, visits to the doctor… When he left, I felt a void. It is as if a part of me had flown away. Today, I find it difficult to occupy my days. And above all, I still have trouble taking care of myself. »
