Wikimedia – Gugerell / Michael Gruber / EXPA / picturedesk.com
After the Brunnenmarkt scandal and the big revelation of favorites, the world public hoped for relaxation. But now Vienna’s ÖVP boss Karl Mahrer is following up! Today he discovered the next social hotspot: the Türkenschanzpark in the notorious problem district of Währing.
VIENNA/ANKARA – “As the name suggests, Turks are holed up everywhere, they’ve been here since the Turkish siege,” Mahrer whispers, checking his bulletproof vest and ducking into the popular park. He seeks shelter behind the massive trunk of an oak. His pulse is racing, his hands are shaking – following the fountain market, this is his second potentially deadly assignment abroad this month.
“Turks are running around, they’re already sitting on five or six park benches and say they want a seventh one,” Mahrer sighs, watching a garden party. Mahrer has to cope with these conditions first and sits down on one of the 37 other free benches.
“Why do these social parasites even have time to laze around here?” Mahrer asks while licking an ice cream cone, playing Angry Birds on his iPad and enjoying the midday sun on his skin. He gazes judgmentally following a single mother plays unproductively with her children in a playground while he dutifully does his part once once more.
Headscarf Alert
An old woman with a Dior handbag walks by regarding 100 m away. Mahrer watches them through binoculars. “She has a headscarf that she wears as a neckerchief to disguise it… Hermés? That’s Turkish, isn’t it?”
Suddenly Mahrer collapses, rolls over the meadow and yells: “Ahhhhh, falafel!” The post-traumatic stress disorder from Brunnenmarkt still has the extreme politician in its grip.
“What’s your name, speak up!” Mahrer yells at a woman who seems suspicious to him. “I’m Desirée Treichl-Stürgkh.” Mahrer triumphantly pulls out his cell phone and goes live on Instagram. “I’m reporting from the Türkenschanzpark, which is being overrun by Turkish women like this one.” “Stürgkh, not Türk!” screams Treichl-Stürgkh, but Mahrer can no longer hear her – he has already fled the life-threatening hotspot.
Passers-by unpack
Mahrer wants to hear from the local population how they endure the madness on a daily basis. “Hey, you who happen to be sitting on the bench and whom I’ve never seen in my life, how do you survive that?” He asks a man who works as an ÖVP district councilor due to a coincidental twist of fate.
He takes a piece of paper out of his pocket and reads it: “It’s terrible. You can no longer move freely there. Hopefully the ÖVP Vienna will win the next election. And now look at them with concern – uh, whoops, haha”, he laughs and then looks into the camera with concern. They are images that make you think – are we already strangers in our own country?
Update:
Karl Mahrer has just confirmed to us that he is currently at Schwedenplatz, where he suspects a parallel Scandinavian society. “Oh god, the Vikings have landed on the Danube!” he yells, staring at the Twin City Liner in horror. Then the telephone connection breaks down, according to eyewitnesses, Mahrer was apparently hit in the head with a Köttbullar.
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