Nollywood Actress Jayesimi on Choosing Not to Have Children at 60+

Nollywood Star Dupe Jayesimi Opens Up About Marriage,Childlessness,and Finding Strength at 60

Veteran actress Dupe Jayesimi shares her deeply personal journey of love,loss,and resilience,offering insight into the cultural pressures and personal struggles surrounding childlessness.

By Archyde news Staff | Published: march 22,2025

A Candid Conversation

Dupe Jayesimi,a celebrated actress in Nigeria’s Yoruba Nollywood cinema,recently shared a poignant and deeply personal account of her life,focusing on her experiences wiht marriage and the challenges of childlessness. Now in her 60s, Jayesimi’s story, initially revealed during a heartfelt conversation on the “Talk-to-B” podcast, resonates with many who face similar societal pressures and personal disappointments. Her bravery in speaking out sheds light on a topic frequently enough shrouded in silence, particularly within certain cultural contexts.

Early Dreams and Disappointments

Jayesimi’s journey began with hope and anticipation. She married on October 22, 1988, already involved in the vibrant world of theatrical works. Though, the path to motherhood proved to be fraught with challenges. “I got married on October 22, 1988. I had started theatrical works then. In our marriage, we had no child for several years despite conceiving before the wedding ceremony.After the ceremony, I had a miscarriage, which was when our problems started.” This initial miscarriage marked the beginning of a series of heartbreaks.

The couple endured numerous tests and fertility treatments, but their efforts were unsuccessful.the strain eventually took a toll on their marriage. Jayesimi recounted, “My husband and I had a misunderstanding when he left me for months without checking back when we were already five years into our marriage. The problem lingered that he would begin to use a pillow to demarcate the bed.” the emotional distance grew, culminating in the end of their relationship.

“He began to make plans to make me leave the marriage.I had to pack out when I could no longer bear it. Two weeks after I left the house, another woman moved into the house, pregnant. I resorted to taking alcohol and sobbing for years. I had to move on when the problem was becoming unbearable. I summoned the courage to say that I wouldn’t get married again, but my parents rejected the plan, urging me to remarry.”

Dupe Jayesimi

Navigating Cultural Expectations and societal Pressures

Remarriage brought new hope,but also new trials. Jayesimi met an Alhaji who supported her in pursuing further fertility treatments. she underwent IVF twice, without success. Then, unexpectedly, she conceived naturally, only to face another devastating blow. “So I met one Alhaji who tried his best to make me conceive. I did IVF twice, and it didn’t even work. So one day, I conceived, without even knowing. At the point that I wanted to urinate when I came back from a location one night, I couldn’t, it was too hard, I had to call for a nurse who gave me pain relief and advised that I head for the hospital the following day. When I got to the hospital, the doctor said I was pregnant, but it was an ectopic pregnancy.”

An ectopic pregnancy, a life-threatening condition where the fertilized egg implants outside the uterus, required immediate surgery.”I cried hell. Then I was already 40 years old. I was operated on and since then, I haven’t conceived. I had to leave the Alhaji as his wife began a war with him,” she explained. This experience, coupled with the pressures from the Alhaji’s existing family, led to the end of that relationship as well.

The Stigma of Childlessness and the Dream of Adoption

Jayesimi’s story highlights the important stigma associated with childlessness, particularly in cultures where children are highly valued and seen as a measure of a woman’s worth. This pressure can lead to feelings of shame, isolation, and depression. In the United States, while cultural attitudes are evolving, similar pressures can exist, especially within certain communities or families. According to a 2023 Pew Research Center study, while most Americans believe that being a parent is “very significant” to feeling fulfilled, a significant minority (around 20%) feel that society places too much emphasis on having children.

One potential avenue for Jayesimi to fulfill her desire for companionship was adoption. However, her mother strongly opposed the idea. She recounted her mother’s harsh words: “If you adopt any kid, I will feed them to death. It was then I knew that I was in for a long ride.” This rejection closed off a path that could have brought her immense joy and companionship.

“There are several men who would lie that when you marry them, you will conceive. It is a lie. They want to sleep with you. Not that I don’t think about it, but I know God’s time is the best. I have taken a lot of steps to conceive. Those whom I trained their children mock me ultimately.”

Dupe Jayesimi

Jayesimi now expresses a desire to adopt, despite her mother’s past objections. “What I want to do now is get a child who will be my company.If I had not listened to my mum, I would have adopted a long time ago.I am not fighting with my mum, but I want her to stay clear of me as she’s the cause of my childlessness.” In the U.S.,adoption is a complex but viable option for many seeking to build a family. According to the National Council for Adoption, over 135,000 children are adopted in the U.S. each year.

Finding Purpose and Strength Through Acting

Despite the personal challenges,Jayesimi has found solace and strength in her acting career. Her work has provided her with a sense of purpose and a platform to connect with others. “This acting job is just a blessing in disguise. It has helped me sustain the watered ground of mockery.” By focusing on her craft, she has been able to navigate the societal pressures and personal disappointments with grace and resilience.

Coping Mechanisms for Childlessness: A U.S. Perspective

in the United States, individuals and couples facing childlessness often pursue various coping strategies, including:

• Therapy and Counseling: Seeking professional help to process emotions and develop coping mechanisms. This is readily available across the U.S. with varying price points depending on insurance coverage.
• Support Groups: Connecting with others who share similar experiences through organizations like Resolve: The National Infertility Association.
• Focus on Career and Personal Goals: Channeling energy into professional achievements, hobbies, and personal growth.
• Travel and Experiences: Exploring new places and engaging in enriching experiences.
• Building Strong Relationships: Nurturing relationships with family and friends to create a strong support network.
• Advocacy and awareness: Raising awareness about infertility and childlessness to reduce stigma and promote understanding.

Looking Ahead: Hope and Resilience

Dupe Jayesimi’s story is a testament to the power of resilience and the importance of finding purpose and meaning in life, irrespective of societal expectations.Her willingness to share her experiences provides comfort and inspiration to others facing similar challenges. While her journey has been marked by heartbreak and disappointment, her unwavering spirit and determination to find happiness on her own terms serve as a powerful reminder that life’s value is not solely defined by motherhood.

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What coping mechanisms do you beleive are underutilized in supporting women facing childlessness?

An Interview with dr. Evelyn Okoro on Childlessness, Resilience, and Cultural Expectations

Archyde News: Welcome, Dr.Okoro. Thank you for joining us today. Your insights as a cultural sociologist will be invaluable as we discuss the recent interview with Nollywood star Dupe Jayesimi and her experiences with childlessness.

Dr.Okoro: Thank you for having me.I’m happy to contribute to this critically important conversation.

Archyde News: Ms. Jayesimi’s story highlights significant cultural expectations and societal pressures. From your viewpoint, how do these pressures impact women, especially in the context of marriage and childbearing within Yoruba culture, as it is depicted in the article?

Dr. Okoro: In many cultures, including the Yoruba culture of Nigeria, a woman’s identity and worth are often intricately tied to her ability to bear children. Marriage is frequently seen as incomplete without children, and the pressure to conceive can be immense. This pressure often originates from family members, the broader community, and even religious beliefs, as we saw in Ms. Jayesimi’s experience. Failure to have children can lead to feelings of shame, isolation, and even marital instability, as emphasized in her account.

Archyde News: ms. Jayesimi’s struggles also included infertility treatments and the challenges in her relationships. How do Western medical approaches like IVF interact with traditional beliefs and practices in such situations?

Dr. Okoro: The intersection of Western medicine with traditional beliefs can be complex. While many couples embrace modern fertility treatments like IVF, they frequently enough simultaneously seek traditional remedies or spiritual interventions, demonstrating a desire for all possible solutions. This reflects a deep-seated belief in both scientific explanations and the influence of the spiritual realm. The emotional and financial burdens of these treatments can be considerable too, as Jayesimi’s story implied.

Archyde News: The actress also discussed the dream of adoption, but facing opposition from her mother. In the United States,where this option is common,why might there be resistance to this decision?

dr. Okoro: Adoption, though a viable option, is a complex decision influenced by cultural values. Some families might resist adoption because of the perceived importance of biological ties and the desire to continue the family lineage.Concerns might also arise about the child’s background and integration into the family. While adoption has become an increasingly accepted practice in the U.S.and other Western countries, cultural biases can significantly impact attitudes toward it, especially for women already facing social pressures around childbearing. The resistance Jayesimi faced underscores the importance of biological children in some cultural settings.

Archyde News: Jayesimi highlights the value of finding purpose beyond traditional expectations. What coping mechanisms do you see those facing similar situations adopt to sustain their inner strength?

Dr. Okoro: Many women find strength thru various avenues: career achievements, as Ms. Jayesimi did with her acting,personal growth endeavors,supportive relationships,and engagement in their communities. Therapy and support groups have helped them navigate emotions and societal expectations, helping them find a new meaning in life. Finding a sense of purpose and resilience against the pressures of having biological children are frequently enough used as sustaining and positive ways for women going through this.

Archyde News: Ms. Jayesimi’s openness is inspiring. What do you think can be done to reduce the stigma around childlessness and enhance support for those experiencing it?

Dr. Okoro: Open conversations like this one are essential. It is important to promote increased awareness through public health campaigns, educational programs, and by sharing personal stories.We can show how to promote empathy and understanding within families and communities; we can foster a more inclusive society where individuals are valued and respected regardless of their reproductive status. Policy changes that guarantee access to affordable reproductive healthcare, including assisted reproductive technologies and easier adoption processes, can also make a significant difference.

Archyde News: Reflecting on Ms. Jayesimi’s journey, and similar experiences. What message would you give to women who may be struggling with similar challenges?

Dr. Okoro: Embrace your strength and agency. You are not defined by your ability to bear children. Seek support from your network, engage in activities that bring you joys, and remember that your worth is inherent and unconditional.What coping mechanisms do you believe are underutilized in supporting women facing childlessness? Share your thoughts in the comments below.

Archyde News: Dr. Okoro, thank you so much for your invaluable insights. It has been a pleasure speaking with you.

Dr.Okoro: The pleasure was all mine.

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