2023-11-15 19:09:13
My personal life was not working out. I am a workhorse in life. Wherever I got a job, they shamelessly took advantage of my kindness. At the age of 30, I realized that it was time to give birth, otherwise I would be left completely alone. I had an affair with a man. When I got pregnant and told him, he didn’t want to get married and gave me money for an abortion. I didn’t do it and kept the pregnancy.
During pregnancy I fell ill with rubella. The gynecologist spoke regarding the expected consequences for the child and offered to get rid of the fetus. But I was afraid, having read how late-term abortions are performed…
I went to the maternity hospital with the thought that I would leave the baby there. The decision was difficult. It was very painful. But what might I give the child? I don’t have my own home, my salary is low, my dad died, and my mother herself needs help… Perhaps if she had a husband, she would have left her son. His optic nerve is damaged, he is completely blind, and it is impossible to fix it. She just looked at him, but didn’t take him in her arms. I remember that he quickly stopped crying following giving birth. The nurses tried to persuade me to think carefully, but I refused.
Two years have passed. During this time I fell in love and got married. Yura is a very good person, he supports me and loves me. Unfortunately, she lost the baby from him – the pregnancy was not developing. After this I became depressed. I had to go to the neurosis department because a condition arose that I didn’t eat anything for several days and stared at the wall. And under the influence of medications and doctors’ conversations, she told Yura regarding her past. He honestly said that he did not expect me to abandon my own child. I found my son through friends. I visited him several times myself. He said he looked a lot like me. He persuaded me to go and look at my son. I didn’t agree for a long time, because this is abuse of a child. I drank some sedatives and went.
Vanya immediately recognized Yura by his voice, ran to him, and began to cuddle. It was painful to watch… He is small, his speech is still unintelligible, but he understands how to behave so that potential parents pay attention to him. He didn’t really come to me, he talked more with Yura, because he came to him several times. Vanya even asked him to take him to his home.
I thought I would lose my mind following this meeting. I didn’t want to live, I wanted to punish myself, to cause physical pain. I don’t know how Yura withstood two days of my hysterics. She herself persuaded him to take him to the neurosis department once more and leave him there.
Now my husband is offering to take Vanya home. For some reason he decided that we would not have a child until we took my firstborn. Like, I will subconsciously punish myself for abandoning my son.
But I’m not ready… I can’t… Yes, my living conditions have become better, but how can I live if Yura leaves us? I alone cannot handle a disabled child who needs constant care. What to do until maternity leave comes? Yura is ready to hire Vanya a nanny. But this is not his son, and over time he will get tired of the disabled person at his side.
And it hurts for Vanya. The other kids literally walk all over him because he falls because he can’t see. During the meeting, he asked Yura 5 times to take him home. But he was not at all interested in sweets and toys. It will be cruel if we take him into the family, and then the husband wants to get rid of his stepson-inv
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