Many adult children maintain strong connections with their parents, but when that bond transforms into enmeshment, it can lead to significant challenges, especially within their romantic partnerships.
One woman is grappling with this situation, as her husband shares an “unsettlingly” close relationship with his mother. With the news of her pregnancy, she has chosen to keep it a secret from her husband, fearing that he would divulge the information to his mother, who tends to overshadow every moment with her own feelings and concerns.
The woman has concealed her pregnancy from both her husband and mother-in-law for months.
In a candid discussion on Reddit, the woman shared that she had previously experienced a pregnancy but tragically suffered a miscarriage. The way her mother-in-law behaved during that painful time has left her hesitant to reveal her current pregnancy to her husband or his mother.
She elaborated that she had been married to her husband, Joel, for three years, and although their relationship was generally solid, the involvement of her mother-in-law created complications.
“Joel’s mom, whom I will refer to as Amy, has always been excessively protective of him,” she recounted. “Despite the fact that he is a grown man, Amy affectionately calls him ‘[her] baby boy.’ In an unexpected move, she insisted on having the first dance with Joel during our wedding ceremony.”
The woman learned to be discreet after her first pregnancy loss.
“A few months ago, I discovered that I was pregnant with our first child, but unfortunately, I lost it just a few months in,” she shared, her voice heavy with emotion. “Amy was elated about becoming a grandmother, but her behavior throughout that time left me feeling uncomfortable and even angry.”
She detailed how Amy insisted on attending every single appointment and ultrasound with her. During the moment they heard the baby’s heartbeat together for the first time, Amy managed to shift the focus of the occasion squarely onto herself, even expressing a desire to throw a “grandbaby shower.”
“The final straw came after I lost the baby,” she confided, her eyes welling with tears. “I was heartbroken. Thankfully, Amy wasn’t present when I began to notice things were going wrong, allowing Joel and me to navigate the hospital visit alone. But after I called to inform his mom about the situation, she showed up unexpectedly at the hospital, crying so loudly that Joel had to escort her out and comfort her in the car, leaving me alone to deal with the heartache.”
“Once again, I was left there alone,” she recalled sadly, the weight of her experience palpable.
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After the miscarriage, her relationship dynamics shifted significantly.
“This moment shattered me,” she disclosed. “While Joel has deeply apologized and expressed regret for prioritizing his mother, I struggle to forgive him for that episode.”
She noted that prior to this painful experience, her marriage had generally been healthy, even with her mother-in-law’s interference. However, the miscarriage left her questioning the trajectory of their relationship.
“Following the tragic loss, I found myself sleeping in the guest room and taking time to process everything, seeking clarity on what my next steps should be,” she explained. “Things remained stable until a few months ago when I had too many glasses of wine at a friend’s wedding and ended up back in our main bedroom. That’s when I started to recognize the familiar changes in my body indicating another pregnancy, which filled me with dread.”
Now, at 18 weeks pregnant, she has successfully hidden her condition by opting for loose-fitting clothing. As she stands on the brink of motherhood once again, she’s uncertain about how to move forward, fearful of reliving the painful experiences of the past, yet finding solace in her ability to keep this news exclusively to herself.
It appears that this mother-son duo may be experiencing enmeshment issues.
The Attachment Project highlights that “Family enmeshment refers to the absence of emotional boundaries among family members, leading to a blurring of individual identities.”
This observation resonates deeply with the woman’s depiction of the dynamic between her husband and his mother, where it seems boundaries are virtually nonexistent.
“According to the psychology surrounding mother-son enmeshment, the son learns from a young age that pursuing independence is deemed unacceptable, which shapes his thoughts and behaviors,” The Attachment Project elaborated.
Many users on Reddit suggested that this couple should engage in therapy to address their issues, as it may be their best option for overcoming Joel’s lack of independence and preserving their marriage should the woman choose that path.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer for YourTango who explores various facets of entertainment, news, and human interest stories.
