2024-07-17 12:47:29
Author: Isabel Rusuli/July 17, 2024/ 47 views
Dear friend, dear friend,
Over the past few years, I have seen articles in the media about “narcissistic perversions.”
The English-speaking world is happy to talk about “narcissists.”
In fact, the concept of perversion may not be appropriate.
Because it immediately gives a very pejorative connotation to a relatively common and ancient phenomenon.
A person’s narcissism is also difficult to assess.
original myth
The simple fact that the word “narcissism” comes from a thousand-year-old Greek myth seems to indicate that the problem is not new (1).
Greek mythology is often tragic. Tragedies often happen to those who are arrogant, excessive, and unreasonable.
Icarus tried to fly too high and burned his wings. Agamemnon sacrificed his daughter Iphigenia to gain favor with the gods, and was himself eventually murdered by his wife and her lover. ETC.
Narcisse was a very handsome young man. He is the son of the fairy Liriope.
He came from Boeotia. He is also a hunter.
The women loved him, and so did the men.
But he rejected everyone’s advances, especially his most famous suitor, the fairy Eco.
One day, as he was drinking water from the river after a day of hunting, he saw her image and fell in love with her.
Desperate at not being able to catch it, he died.
Since his death, his torment has continued into infinity as he continues to attempt to capture his image in the waters of the River Styx, which separates the world of the living from that of the dead.
Today’s narcissism
More than 2,000 years later, the myth was used to refer to human behavior (2).
It has even become a medical concept (2).
Doctors and psychologists talk about narcissistic personality disorder.
For some of them, the disease is on a spectrum like other illnesses. Some people are affected more deeply, while others are less affected (3,4,5).
Narcissistic personality disorder is defined as a mental condition characterized by a persistent feeling of superiority (2).
This results in a pathological need to be loved and admired, as well as some delusion of grandeur or hubris.
Therefore, this is not a defect but a pathology.
Some doctors even say it’s a personality trait of the person.
Dr. Durvasula Ramani, a clinical psychologist and recognized expert on narcissism, specifically points to this point (3,4,5).
She has written several books on the subject, which have become bestsellers. His words were widely heard(3).
There is no question to her that a narcissist will not change.
This is his deep nature.
Just like some behavioral disorders don’t change.
Hyperactive children with attention disorders are likely to become hyperactive adults.
And, upon closer inspection, almost everyone may have a flaw or disorder.
But I still believe that we can learn to overcome our relationship difficulties.
The key is to know how to identify them.
You are a narcissist if…
YouTuber Steven Bartlett conducted a lengthy interview with Dr. Ramini(4).
Psychology offers support to many people who suffer from the behavior of a loved one with a narcissistic personality.
She also tries to help narcissistic patients.
This interview was great but lasted almost two hours!
Movingly, while listening to a psychologist’s lecture, Steven Bartlett wondered if he might be a little narcissistic himself.
According to therapists, diagnosing this disorder, and personality disorders more generally, is not easy.
But she believes that if you (2,4,5) meet the following conditions, you are a narcissist:
Think of yourself as a very special person, to put it bluntly, outstanding, like to be constantly praised: this seems very logical to you, because of your uniqueness, feel that everything is owed to you, think that no one can come close to you level, sees others as incompetent, likes to be admired, is attractive to some and annoying to others, has no empathy but understands relationships well, likes to be a member of important institutions, believes in rules – such as the Highway Code – works for other people, but it’s different for you.
Others, on the other hand, find that you overestimate your talents, undervalue your talents too much, take credit for everything, and never question yourself.
And there is a lot of conflict around you.
When you have a problem, you present yourself as the victim.
Not surprisingly, no one really wants to be thought of as a narcissist!
However, there are advantages to narcissists.
If you are narcissistic, you are aggressive, persistent, and perhaps charming and talented.
Success is yours. But at what cost?
For Dr. Lamini, genius or great leaders are often narcissistic (4,5).
Do social networks promote narcissism?
Narcissism affects one in six people worldwide.
This is a fairly common disease.
Is there an increase?
This is not necessarily what Dr. Lamini had in mind, but social media may have helped make it more visible (4,5).
In addition, social networks also breed quite superficial narcissists.
To her, people who go around taking selfies to please others are more naive than the masters.
Dr. Lamini believes that narcissism is a personality trait that can be developed in childhood.
The narcissist’s initial trauma is insecurity.
This is a child who is constantly told that he is not good enough, or conversely, a child who is idolized excessively.
This may be a person who has suffered from repeated trauma or severe emotional deficits.
How does narcissism manifest itself?
Narcissistic people can have a very damaging effect on those around them.
In fact, they (4,5):
Easily angry, manipulative, altering reality, slandering others, not taking responsibility for own mistakes, blaming others, lying frequently.
What consequences does narcissism have for others?
When in contact with a narcissistic person, others may break down or destroy themselves from within.
These close people are unable or no longer able to speak out about their feelings for fear of being criticized.
They are unable to express their needs for fear of being seen as selfish.
They pushed themselves closer.
He is a young man who refuses to follow his dreams because his parents want something else.
Such people are constantly belittled as children and unable to form stable romantic relationships as adults.
It is the employee who is constantly slandered by superiors or colleagues and eventually loses all confidence in themselves.
For Dr. Lamini, patients who have lived or worked with a narcissist are survivors.
Sometimes they need time to recover, but they will come back stronger.
different types of narcissism
Dr. Lamini differentiates between different narcissistic personality types:
The grandiose narcissist, although successful, is cruel to those around him. A fragile narcissist filled with bitterness, jealousy and resentment towards the world. Malignant narcissists are the most manipulative, unscrupulous, and dangerous people there are. However, they are not psychopaths. Group narcissists who do good deeds: They want to be seen as good people, saviors, and their motivation for doing these good deeds is to gain approval from others.
These four types of narcissism can come in varying degrees and can be mixed.
Some people realize that they are narcissistic.
Still, it’s not easy for these people to change.
Who is attracted to narcissistic people?
Dr. Lamini’s answer is everyone, because narcissistic people are attractive.
They are charismatic and they are often talented.
Even vulnerable narcissists are attractive: they are the victims we want to comfort.
But for Dr. Lamini, the real question is why some people fall into the trap of being a narcissist.
His answer was that these people were optimistic, easily forgiving, and full of empathy, but they were ultimately confused.
They end up telling themselves that if the relationship doesn’t work, it’s their fault.
This is where things can get ugly.
How to deal with narcissistic people?
The thing is, sometimes the narcissist is someone close to you.
They can be family members, dependent parents, spouses, bosses, or even friends.
This is someone you don’t want to break up with but still makes your life difficult.
In this case, Dr. Lamini recommends:
1/ Accept that this situation won’t change: that’s what narcissists are; hopes for better days are bound to be disappointed.
You must mourn this dream evolution. She won’t come.
2/ Establish positive and healthy connections with other non-narcissistic people.
3/ Set limits on relationships; She gives the example of a woman visiting her narcissistic and dependent father. She sets alarm clocks to ensure these visits last only for the time she decides.
The Greeks were right!
Human character is complex.
Despite their classifications and data, therapists are still fumbling in this area.
Why do some people become narcissistic? Why do some people allow themselves to be destroyed or harmed by narcissists?
Therapists have some answers.
Whether you are a narcissist or a victim of narcissism, one of the keys to improving your situation is to understand yourself better.
The principle engraved on the frontispiece of the Temple of Delphi, “Know thyself, and you will know the universe and the gods,” is still relevant today.
What has changed is that we have new tools, experienced psychologists, and high-quality podcasts to better understand the torture of the human soul.
But in the end, the Greeks foresaw this: the safest path is the path that allows everyone to take their rightful place in humankind and life on earth.
Ulysses seeks out Penelope after rejecting Calypso’s promise of eternal youth.
It’s not necessarily an easy path.
But it’s the promise of a great adventure.
Of course it’s yours,
Augustine of Liva
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