2023-08-09 10:17:27
August 09, 2023
First stay away from parents, new school at the start of the school year… Here are some tips for understanding your shy little one and helping him to relate to others.
He does not seek the company of others… Is it because he is shy, or introverted? These two notions, often used interchangeably in everyday language, are however not similar. To simplify, introversion is manifested by “the orientation to the individual’s internal private world and inner thoughts and feelings, rather than to the external world of people and things”summarizes the American Psychological Association (APA).
“Introverts are relatively more withdrawn, withdrawn, reserved, quiet” than extroverts, and are sometimes shy. But this is not systematic: if introversion is a way of functioning, shyness is characterized by “anxiety and inhibition in social situations”. It generates physical symptoms (palpitations, sweating, blushing), fear of a negative evaluation by others… And sometimes suffering: “Extremely shy people are at increased risk of developing anxiety disorders such as social phobia”continues the APA.
Word weight
So what to do when a child shows a certain lack of ease and confidence in social relationships? How can you help him overcome his fear of reaching out to others? Begin by paying attention to how you evoke this tendency in the presence of the child, answers the pediatrician Arnault Pfersdorff in his book, “You, parent”.
By dint of hearing sentences such as “He’s shy, it’s always like that”or “he doesn’t dare go towards others, he stays in his corner”the child ends up thinking: “My parents say so, so it’s true”summarizes the pediatrician. “And, little by little, he can chronicle this tendency to stay a little apart, not to mingle with the group. And things are going to get worse. The weight of words is sometimes underestimated! ».
Encouragement and confidence
Another factor favoring a withdrawal into oneself which is anchored from an early age, the absence of messages of encouragement which leads to a lack of confidence “essential for good self-esteem”. So, “if the negative remarks (‘you’re slow’, ‘articulates, we don’t understand what you’re saying’, ‘leave it to me, you’re clumsy, you’re not going to succeed’) outweigh the encouragement ( …), then the bed will gradually become an unstable construction of the child, a feeling of disappointing ‘parental authority’, of not being up to it”.
To help your child in a concrete way to gain self-confidence, also avoid “to defeat it by imposing activities that do not correspond to it (sport, music, endurance). Conversely, do not protect him too much, because he might wallow in the culture of avoidance”. Regularly invite friends over, “and let them do it, don’t intervene all the time (…) Show him that you trust him”. Last but not least important tip: “never remonstrate with him in front of others, it would be humiliating him”.
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Source : APA – “You, parent” by Dr Arnault Pfersdorff (Hatier Parents editions, August 2022) – June 2023
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Written by : Charlotte David – Edited by: Emmanuel Ducreuzet
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