Hans de Borst’s hands trembled as he leafed through the memorial service program.
Her 17-year-old daughter, Elsemiek, was on flight MH17, 10 years ago.
Hans became the first family member to arrive at the small amphitheatre at the heart of the MH17 national monument.
“How do I feel?” Hans repeated my question. “A little nervous.”
He pointed to the rows of benches where 1,300 relatives and officials from around the world, including Dutch King Willem-Alexander, would soon be seated.
A total of 298 people were killed on July 17, 2014 when a Malaysia Airlines passenger jet en route from Amsterdam to Kuala Lumpur was hit by a Russian Buk surface-to-air missile, fired from territory in eastern Ukraine seized by Russian proxy forces.
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Former Dutch Prime Minister Mark Rutte was among the guests who passed through a field of sunflowers on their way to the heart of the monument.
Rutte, who is set to become NATO’s next secretary general, was asked by the BBC whether he and his government had done enough to bring justice to the victims.
“I don’t know. I really don’t know.”
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Two Russian citizens and a Ukrainian citizen were convicted of murder in absentia by a Dutch court in 2022.
Igor Girkin, Sergei Dubinsky and Leonid Kharchenko all face life in prison. But the three remain at large because Russia has refused to hand them over for trial.
The Buk missile system belonged to Russia’s 53rd Anti-Aircraft Missile Brigade, based in Kursk, and the three men were found guilty of transporting the missile to Ukraine.
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The Kremlin has always denied responsibility for the air disaster that left an indelible mark on the collective memory of the Dutch nation.
Rutte noted the difficulties in pursuing justice and said he was moved by the tributes paid ahead of Wednesday’s 10th anniversary.
Some relatives of those who died hugged and chatted with the man who was prime minister at the time of the disaster and resigned about two weeks ago.
“I think he did everything he could,” said Silene Frederiksz, whose son, Bryce, was on board MH-17.
“And I am optimistic that Dick Schoof [perdana menteri Belanda yang baru] will continue to push for justice and accountability. He was involved in the MH17 investigation; he understands.”
A decade later, the family is still searching for the truth and acknowledgment of responsibility.
“MH17 keeps coming back to haunt me,” said Piet Ploeg, whose nephew, brother and sister-in-law were all killed on July 17, 2014.
Of the 298 victims, 196 were Dutch, but there were also victims from various countries including 43 from Malaysia, 38 from Australia and 10 from the UK. Eighty children were among the dead.
Australian relatives also took part in a separate memorial service at Parliament House in Canberra.
The war in eastern Ukraine, which had only been going on for a few months at the time, erupted in February 2022 into a full-scale Russian invasion.
Many Dutch relatives believe that the current hostilities could have been avoided if the international community had taken a stronger stance in response to the shooting down of flight MH17.
The passenger jet exploded at 33,000 feet (10,000 m) and bodies and debris landed in a sunflower field near Hrabove in eastern Ukraine.
Sunflowers have since become a symbol of the tragedy and relatives carry them past half-mast flags at the Dutch monument not far from Schiphol Airport.
Robbie Oehlers was one of the few relatives who traveled to the crash site after the disaster, to search for his niece, Daisy, and her boyfriend Bryce.
Occasionally, planes rumbled overhead at the somber ceremony. Bryce’s mother, Silene, was among those reading out some of the 298 names.
Australian Attorney-General Mark Dreyfus, representing his country at the Dutch event, said those caught up in the MH17 tragedy shared their struggle for justice, truth and accountability, but no words could ease their suffering.
Further legal action is underway at the European Court of Human Rights and the Council of the International Civil Aviation Organization to hold Russia accountable under international law for the attack.
Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky said it was inevitable that everyone guilty of this and other war crimes would “hear the punishment they deserve”.
“They will never admit it,” said Robbie Oehlers of Russian leaders.
“Yes, I just want them to apologize, but Putin, he will never do it. And now with our change of government. Today they are thinking again about MH17, but tomorrow they have other priorities.”
For many families, the MH17 national memorial has become a place of solace.
There are 298 trees planted at the monument to commemorate each victim. At each tree, relatives gather to place flowers, candles, and photos of their loved ones who never returned.
“Love is the strongest emotion. Today reminds us, we are not alone in our sadness,” said Prime Minister Schoof.
Piet Ploeg, speaking on behalf of the family, said it was very touching to see everyone come together and thank Mark Rutte for his efforts.
“The most important thing,” said Pak Ploeg, “is that this dark day in our history is not forgotten.” (BBC/Z-3)
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