Dealbreaker nr. 1
At regular intervals, studies show that housework is among the most common conflicts and causes of divorce in couples.
– I don’t have numbers on that, but in general conflicts about the tasks in shared homes are widespread, especially in families with smaller children, where the total amount of work exceeds the resources, says Ulla Hinge Thomsen.
The problems arise, of course, because people have different standards and each thinks they are right.
– Unfortunately, it is rarely something that couples have a conversation about when they move in together, says Ulla Hinge Thomsen.
Ulla Hinge Thomsen, Valby, is a couples therapist, sexologist, author and journalist. Photo: Morten Andersen
When it goes too far
Ulla Hinge Thomsen does not want to “diagnose” either cleaning madness or the opposite, but has an idea of when the standards will be for high or too low:
– This is when you are so affected by it that it is difficult to live a normal family life with talking, chores, playing, meals, caressing and other activities, because you are either preoccupied with cleaning or because you live in so much dirt and mess that it drains one of energy and overview.
Cleanliness or cleaning frenzy?
- According to the psychologists Johansen & Kristoffersen’s website, there are two types of “real” cleaning madness.
- *Sick fear of dirt and bacteria called mysophobia or germophobia.
- *OCD for bacteria and infection can lead to compulsive actions such as excessive washing/cleaning.
- *Both parts can be treated with cognitive behavioral therapy.
Psychologists Johansen & Kristoffersen
Cleaning expert would rather be in the woods
Cleaning expert Louise Grønhøj, Terndrup runs the company Basic Clean.
– I would like to say I have a cleaning obsession, but I actually don’t. I’m crazy about living my best life, and that’s not going to scrub toilets. If you spend three hours on Saturday morning cleaning, you cannot spend those three hours in the forest with your horse and your daughter, she points out.
– This is why I make a living selling cleaning products. People must have effective products so that they can get away from housework as easily as possible, she adds.
Three reasons to clean
Louise Grønhøj believes that arguments about cleaning are rooted in people not being clear about why they are cleaning.
There are three reasons for cleaning and tidying up at home, she says:
1. Aesthetics.
– It must be clean and nice. No greasy fingers on the fridge door and dead flies on the windowsill.
2. Health.
– It’s about fighting bacteria, viruses and house dust mites.
3. Sustainability.
– Things last longer, so you don’t have to build a new bathroom every 12 years but only every 32 years.
Cleaning expert Louise Grønhøj, Basic Clean Private photo
Sermon on health
– People should live as they wish, but I would like to preach a little about No. 2 – the health issue. We want to live so clean that we don’t get sick from it, advises Louise Grønhøj.
Cleaning, which is necessary for health, should not give rise to quarrels. It just needs to get over it.
– But I am not sure that this is what is prioritized in the Danish homes. When discussions arise, I think it’s often because of No. 1. When it means more to one person than the other, how nice and clean you live.
Louise Grønhøj is not afraid to divide housework into “need to” and “nice to”.
Necessary cleaning
All contact surfaces must be kept clean. These are things like the kitchen table, the fridge, sockets, handles, remote controls, taps and the flush button on the toilet.
– There is a great benefit in cleaning those things often, because otherwise you can really end up moving bacteria and viruses around, says Louise Grønhøj.
Then there are the house dust mites that need to be fought.
– You can go a long way if you are reasonably quick-tempered and efficient with your vacuum cleaner where you spend most of your time. In, under and around beds and sofas. Also vacuum or wash cushions, blankets and heavy curtains.
Unnecessary cleaning
The unnecessary housework is a better source of conflict because one standard is not better than the other.
– It doesn’t really matter if there is dust on the baseboards, and you can also take it easy with door moldings, door frames, ceilings, walls, mirrors, lamps and windows. It’s mostly about how beautiful it looks, says Louise Grønhøj.
– It doesn’t matter that you have dirty windows. It means nothing in terms of health, she elaborates.
It can get a little dark over time, but then you might be happy that the neighbors can’t look in.
She does the cleaning
Louise Grønhøj and her husband are probably quite ordinary in this area: it means more to her than to him that things are nice and clean.
– I can think that he must be blind, but I really just think that he is focused on other things, and it is not at all something that we become friends over. I’m in charge of the cleaning, and I’m fine with that. He does other things, and we have a nice balance, she says.
Family life
Women spend so much more time on housework than men
– I would be lying if I said I didn’t make sure it looked right. With my work, I also have to muster a certain level, acknowledges Louise Grønhøj.
As a starting point, she vacuums and wipes the most important things every single day.
– It is very much about having some routines that work. I spend half an hour every morning before I go to work, she says.
Private photo
If you want something done right…
Ulle Hinge Thomsen thinks it is a good idea that the person who has the highest standards for a household task takes responsibility for it.
– Your partner, on the other hand, can stand for something else. It is primarily about talking about it together. And by talked together, I mean being told how each one feels and listening to each other.
I certainly also experience men who have their very own standard for order and cleanliness, which their female partners do not live up to.
Ulla Hinge Thomsen
Instead of scolding and scolding, she suggests saying:
“It’s really important to me that this place is clean. Will you help me by taking on some of the other tasks and I’ll take care of the cleaning?”
And instead of answering again with accusations of cleaning madness, you can answer:
“I can hear it’s important to you. It’s not that important to me, so I probably don’t see it. But is there anything else I can do to relieve you?”
2024-11-08 18:02:00
#Love #conquers #common #quarrel
The discussion about household responsibilities and cleaning standards. Ulle Hinge Thomsen emphasizes the importance of communication between partners regarding household tasks. She points out that when one partner has higher standards for a specific cleaning task, it may be beneficial for that person to take charge of it, while the other partner can manage different responsibilities. This approach fosters a sense of balance and teamwork within the household.
Louise Grønhøj also shares her experience, revealing that, for her, maintaining a clean and aesthetically pleasing home is a priority. She manages the household cleaning routines, dedicating time each day to ensure that the essential tasks are completed. Although her husband may not pay as much attention to cleanliness, they maintain a harmonious balance by dividing responsibilities according to their strengths and priorities.
Both perspectives highlight the significance of discussing expectations and preferences within a partnership to ensure that both parties feel heard and valued in the division of household chores. Ultimately, it’s about finding an arrangement that works for both partners, leading to a more enjoyable home environment.
