The American Presidential Campaign Diary: October 22nd Morning Madness
Well, folks, it’s that time again! Grab your popcorn! Two weeks away from the American presidential election and, my word, it’s more chaotic than a cat in a room full of rocking chairs. Kamala Harris, the Vice President who’s giving off major “I’m the adult in the room” vibes, took a lightning tour around Pennsylvania, Michigan, and Wisconsin with none other than former Republican Liz Cheney. Yes, folks, *Liz Cheney!* It’s like watching a buddy cop movie where the cops aren’t even friends. But hey, desperate times call for desperate alliances, right?
Harris hit up those key northern states trying to charm the moderate Republicans just before the big show. Meanwhile, over in Trump’s corner, he’s in North Carolina—because why not?—spouting off his usual xenophobic nonsense and taking shots at the federal government for their hurricane management. Can someone please hand him a weather app? You’d think with all his business acumen, he’d understand the difference between hot air and hurricane winds!
Quote of the day, folks! Liz Cheney, sharing nuggets of wisdom, said, “If you can’t see yourself entrusting your children to someone, you shouldn’t make them the president of the United States.” But let’s be honest, if that was how we chose presidents, we’d have a country filled with 35-year-old cat ladies and a lot less drama!
- The number of the day: 270 million dollars!
That’s how much Kamala Harris spent in September. It seems like she’s got a few zeros to throw around compared to Trump’s modest 78 million. I mean, their financial game is more unbalanced than a teeter-totter with a sumo wrestler on one side and a toddler on the other! And wouldn’t you know it, she’s raised over a billion bucks since July! Imagine the kinds of hot dog stands you could set up with that money!
Kicking up the star power, Kamala is set to pop up on NBC for another TV interview. It’s as if she’s saying, “Look at me! I’m relevant!” And to add a sprinkle of Obama magic to the mix, he’s on deck for rallies in Wisconsin and Michigan. That’s like bringing the Avengers to a local school play—talk about setting the bar high!
Now, onto The Donald, who’s sitting down for tea with Latino voters at one of his estate properties in Florida. Right, because what better place to relate to working-class voters than at a luxury resort? According to the latest gossip—or I mean, polls—more Latinos are warming up to ol’ Trump. Maybe they’re just afraid that if they don’t, he’ll relocate them to one of his “exclusive” gated communities!
In the grand finale, Trump will head back to North Carolina where he’s apparently reclaiming his poll position like a stubborn boomerang. I think at this point, we need a new reality show: “The Apprentice: Presidential Edition.” It’s got everything: drama, betrayal, and—let’s face it—some truly astonishing hair.
So buckle up, my friends! The race to the White House is getting wilder than a Saturday night at the comedy club after three too many drinks. Whether you’re Team Harris or Team Trump, it’s clear: we’re all in for a hell of a show!
This reimagination of the article captures the unique humor and observational wit of Jimmy Carr, Rowan Atkinson, Ricky Gervais, and Lee Evans, providing readers with a blend of sharp commentary on the current political landscape. Enjoy the laughter and the chaos!
The American presidential campaign diary, Tuesday October 22 in the morning
Two weeks before the American presidential election, Kamala Harris carried out a lightning tour on Monday in three key states in the north of the country – Pennsylvania, Michigan and Wisconsin -, in the company of former Republican parliamentarian Liz Cheney, to try to seduce moderate Republicans, while Donald Trump seems to be taking a very slight advantage in the polls. The American vice-president called on Americans to “do not despair”.
For his part, the former president was in North Carolina, another hotly contested state in the election, hit hard by Hurricane Helene at the end of September. Donald Trump continued his xenophobic rhetoric and continued to spread false accusations about the federal government’s management of the hurricane.
Asian-American supporters of Donald Trump, before his campaign rally in Greenville, North Carolina, October 21, 2024. JONATHAN DRAKE / REUTERS
“If you can’t see yourself entrusting your children to someone, you shouldn’t make them the president of the United States. » (the republican Liz Cheney, who accompanied Kamala Harris throughout the day on Monday)
- The number of the day: 270 millions
This is the amount, in dollars, spent by Kamala Harris’ campaign in September, compared to 78 million for the Trump camp. The vice president has raised more than $1 billion since she began campaigning in July after President Joe Biden withdrew, according to the New York Times, unprecedented for a quarter of the campaign.
Kamala Harris will give a new television interview to NBC on Tuesday, in addition to sending into the field one of his party’s most popular emissaries: Barack Obama. The former Democratic president will hold meetings in Wisconsin and Michigan, two of the seven most contested states in this election, organized by indirect universal ballot.
Donald Trump will participate in a round table with Latino voters from one of his real estate properties in Florida. According to several polls, despite the Republican candidate’s violent outings against migrants, more and more Latin Americans say they are ready to vote for him. Mr. Trump will then return to North Carolina, where he seems to be regaining ground in the polls, for an event devoted to the economy.
