And in this case, the war helped her a lot.
Hello, dear Evolution and commentators!
I beg you to parse my letter.
My story is regarding an attempt to unfreeze Onegin, which came to a standstill.
I am 31, I have two children from my first marriage, which lasted 10 years (1.5 years ago I went nowhere from a rotten default, with my ex-husband on good friendly terms), a doctor by profession.
I met I at SZ at the end of August. A handsome young man, my same age, worked at that time in IT, communication was easy and fun. He was very warm and open, he said that I was his ideal, fell in love almost immediately. At first he was active, he wanted to meet, but I had to finish an urgent project, I also had a blockage with work. Then he stopped writing, I wrote a couple of times, he did not answer.
After 3 weeks, she wrote once more, it turned out that he had a coronavirus. We talked regarding health, films, books, laughed. I sadly realized that he didn’t really need him, but yes, I had a lot of motivation, so I decided to try to arouse at least sympathy for myself. Fortunately, there were more than enough common topics for conversation. I tried to be aware of his interests, as well as bring something of my own. I sincerely admired him, he is a very cool specialist in his field. Periodically, I wanted to, there were erotic correspondence, called, invited me to watch a movie at my house, but at that time I was in the hospital with my child, and then I myself came down with a crown. Finally, all the stars came together and there was regarding to be a meeting, but he cancels it at the last moment. I write that I am very sorry, because I really wanted to see you. I remain without an answer and … there’s no way to unhook and leave him alone, I put on a cap of a poor thing distraught with passion and write to him in a couple of weeks that I can’t do anything with myself, I really want him. He reacts animatedly, we communicate nicely and it turns out that Yi went to his parents to help with field work and at home. I was sincerely happy for him, seeing relatives is a great blessing, and then we continued to communicate as usual.
He gradually opened up, spoke regarding his first love, which ended in tragedy (the girl had an accident), regarding spiritual hardships, regarding relationships with parents, etc. The second and last relationship ended in betrayal by the girl and her subsequent attempts to return everything, with a harsh refusal on his part. In the course of communication, I fell in love more and more, wrote him a poem on emotions, when he told regarding the first girl, I somehow very vividly felt all the pain that he then experienced. She was silent regarding her feelings for him, because she saw that he only had sympathy for me and periodic sexual desire, but I think he already guessed that.
On December 31, following I celebrated with the children and put them to bed, I went to chat with I. He didn’t celebrate this holiday, like many others “no one needs the fuss imposed by society”, we talk regarding video games and other things, suddenly he sends me a screenshot of his correspondence, wanting to show what a cool theme he installed in the telegram. In the screenshot, a conversation with some girl, it is clear that they are old acquaintances, just chatter during which, he asks where is his photo of “holiday boobs?” …. it was disgusting when I closed the image, he already deleted it and sent it screenshot of our correspondence. I did not answer and stopped writing, he was also silent. So 1.5 months passed, it was his birthday and I wrote him a congratulation. He thanked, the correspondence began once more, said that he was bored, answered that she was also bored.
Very warm following the break, calls, correspondence, he was still with his parents, I didn’t ask anything for that screenshot, I later wrote that it was his cousin and they communicate like that, they joke. And then the war began. I’m in the east, under fire, he’s in the west, where it’s quiet. He calls every day, worries, asks regarding his well-being, what he ate, etc., offers to move in with his children. In response, I am grateful and caring, I ask regarding his well-being, regarding his family, I am terribly afraid that he will be taken to the front. I imagine how I come to him and his parents on the neck with two children, having never even seen each other before and politely refuse. I decide to leave the country so that the children are safe (the youngest is 3 years old). While driving, he is always in touch, terribly worried, says that the pressure is 190. He writes poems to me from which it becomes clear how much he was afraid that I might die. I confess my love to him, he tells me too.
A new country, mess in my head, running around with documents and other things, we communicate constantly. Caring, supportive, I do too (he lost his job and hung in the expectation that he might be called upon at any moment, I try to focus on the present together with him, we communicate on the topic of life, cooking and everyday affairs), I no longer hide my feelings and often write how much I love him. He reciprocates, says that he wants to live together, sleep in an embrace and not let go all night, that he will come to me when this is all over (his house is destroyed to the very foundation).
Apparently, I relaxed, appropriated … claims began on my part, such as not emotionally reacting enough to the photo, whining how I miss you, once he didn’t answer for a long time, I wrote in a panic that I was worried regarding him and whether everything was fine with him, it turned out that he just slept longer than usual. I began to write every day, as soon as I woke up (thank God for a long time it was not enough). I tried to adapt, justified that he was an unemotional person and had never spoken regarding love before, and what I see now is his once done great work on himself. I even managed to milk him through correspondence, since from time to time excuses began to appear that he did not recognize himself, before he was so depraved. He joked that we switched places.
Then Yi himself began to add, taunts began to appear, I felt that I was annoying him, but he steadfastly continued to write, to be interested in me, they planned that I would come to visit him for a week in the summer.
I mightn’t manage to pull myself together, I finally turned sour and last week asked directly:
Me – Do you love me?
And – Oh, it begins)
And – in general – yes. There are feelings, there are emotions. But I don’t know if it’s love. Well, something like this.
My crown falls, I fall silent for a day. In the evening And disgustedly inquires “Emmmm … is this an insult?”. I answer that I had a terrible migraine (it was true, my head ached following a whole day of sobbing), I ask how he is, then we communicate as usual. So a week goes by, I try to distract myself, I learn how to bake his favorite cake. He calls on Friday, we talk, we laugh, everything is fine, until he remembers the story of how he almost died because of his ex. I went to pick her up drunk from a nightclub, she began to scream that she didn’t know him and wouldn’t go anywhere with him, then there was a fight, he was cut off, he fought back, took the girl and took her home, and then he went to the hospital to be sewn up. I ask how it was, how did the relationship last? (this is not the only trash story regarding her) … she says, she just felt that it was mine. I am silent because I was covered very much, I feel like a fool who has been pulling all this time on the relationship that he agreed to, seeing how much I need it. He asks what happened and why I am silent, I say that I am sad that he was sure of his feelings for the girl who treated him this way and does not know what she feels for me, while I love him with all my heart . He says he has changed a lot since then. That he would like to hug me, caress and soothe. I dryly say goodbye, put down the phone, go to sob.
The next day he writes:
And – Such things … and what’s next?
Me: Hey, what’s next? Life goes on, no one seems to have died, no tragedy.
And good
Me: Have you asked yourself this question?
And – I did not ask
I – Then ask yourself first of all … what’s next? What do you want?
And – Here I can not answer you, because there are too few arguments
I – What arguments?
And – Simply, even words
I – If translated, it will turn out “What do you want? – nothing”
And I don’t know anything. In general, think what you want.
I’m fine
And good
I – You know, this morning I tried to look at the situation soberly, without emotions. And it seemed to me generally strange to expect some strong emotions or feelings, given that we had never seen each other. Have not lived together a single real emotion. We don’t really know each other at all.
And yes, in general
It was on Saturday, I didn’t write anything else, neither did he.
Dear Evolution, please help me understand, am I a fool who ruined everything because of the hungry crown and I have to apologize for all that inadequate or am I a fool who was chasing an indifferent man and should I take care of restoring my own figure? Perhaps there is another version of the fool that I do not see?
Thanks for your blog and everything you do!
