2023-11-21 19:35:07
The idea is not to look for nervous tics, but rather language tics. (Photo: Drew Hays for Unsplash)
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Q. – “I have the unfortunate feeling that a member of my team often lies to my face. But I can’t figure out what it really is: he always has the answer to everything, even if it’s sometimes a little far-fetched. How can I know once and for all if he’s a champion liar, or if it’s me who’s too suspicious? – Zakary
A. – Dear Zakary, exposing a liar is never easy, especially since it is easy to make a mistake. This is a perilous exercise, which can have serious consequences in the event of an error on the part of the person trying to see clearly: accusing someone of being a liar when he or she is not Nothing can be enough to spoil the atmosphere within the work team, and considering a person who lies compulsively as a good person can be catastrophic for the team and its performance.
That being said, there are tips for identifying a liar. These tips are not infallible, but they can help you see the truth regarding someone’s words, or even get the wrongdoer to confess their lie. They come from a book entitled “Mind Reader” and signed by David Lieberman, an American psychologist who became an expert in lying to the point of advising on this subject, among others, professional interrogators from the FBI, the CIA and the NSA.
David Lieberman’s first piece of advice is not to try to detect bodily signs that would betray the core of your interlocutor’s thoughts. Especially if you are not a professional interrogator. You know, those little unconscious gestures like scratching your nose at the precise moment when you’re lying like a tooth puller, or like avoiding the other person’s gaze when you get caught up in your lie.
“Two reasons for this,” he explains. First of all, because compulsive liars know these little signs and prevent themselves from sending them to the person they are lying to. Then, because it is very easy to misinterpret them: if you have an honest person in front of you, but anxious simply because they feel that people are trying to find out if they are lying, they will unconsciously send you a lots of these signs, like scratching the back of the neck or having little nervous tremors.”
Better, in truth, to focus not on the “how”, but rather on the “what”. That is to say on the way the liar expresses himself, on his turns of phrase. “Because lying requires a lot more mental energy than telling the truth,” says David Lieberman. Which leads the liar to unconsciously resort to language shortcuts which allow him to avoid having to think too deeply, to draw too much on his mental energy.
Three simple and effective tips can help you see a red flag go up when your interlocutor is lying to your face:
– A liar likes to pontificate and philosophize. Any pontificating statement that expresses a sense of fairness or justice may be a sign of a lie. Pay attention to phrases like “It shouldn’t be like this” and “We didn’t work like that before.” Because they betray the unconscious desire to justify oneself, even if only to oneself. “No one considers themselves a bad guy,” explains David Lieberman. Even a bad guy considers himself, deep down, a good guy who did something bad.”
– A liar uses self-reference statements. These statements occur when a person refers to what they said or wrote with expressions such as “As I mentioned before” and “As I explained earlier.” The liar often uses them because they prevent him from giving incorrect information, from getting bogged down in his lie. They allow him to keep the story simple and clear, and therefore to save his mental energy or, as the author likes to say, to “lighten his cognitive load”.
– A liar happily relies on simplicity. Honest statements often involve complex sentence structures, with prepositions such as “except,” “without,” “but,” and “aside.” Because the person wants to be precise, to “prove”, if you will, that what they say is true. A liar, on the other hand, has the reflex to rely on simple sentences, without too many details and information. Because his brain is already eating up a lot of energy in developing and maintaining his lie, so much so that he will not try to consume more by adding a bunch of details likely, basically, to reveal the pot of roses.
Note, however, an important point: a liar can use convoluted terms, or even launch into sentences full of details, but you will then notice that these terms and these details are totally insignificant, even useless; his idea then is to drown the fish in lots of details that his brain does not have to worry too much regarding (if you come back to it later, it may very well be that the liar does not even remember this or that detail given, however, barely five minutes ago!).
There you go, Zakary. Focus on language tics, not nervous tics. This should allow you to finally see if your colleague is a complete liar, or not.
By the way, the Persian poet Abolghassem Ferdowsi said in “The Book of Kings”: “Lying is the work of the weak.”
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