Interview with Iuli Tsakalou
Birth gender, repressed sexuality, family and social background, religion and the dark world of some of its representatives on earth act as a trigger for a book of multiple readings that keeps the audience interested with its plot and quirky literary language .
What is the need of writing the book with the suggestive title “Mom, I am not me”? Is there a story behind the… story?
On my path thus far I have often felt like I was walking a tightrope with no safety net underneath, both from the anxiety of making a living and being accepted. I was questioned from a young age regarding my ability to coexist both in school and in the community. So I lived next to what was generally accepted, I was there of course, while at the same time I felt like I wasn’t.
This is true even now as I speak to you. The result of this was that I mentally fraternized with the world that in my judgment lived on the side street of the socially acceptable avenue. The need therefore arises from the fair right of every person to be accepted for what they are and not for what they would like the socially acceptable course of the many to be. As for the title, I am not hinting at anything more than what I felt and said to my mother when I was still very young, because I felt desolation even in my own body. I am not me, however, does not mean something unequivocal, it has many aspects and parameters.
How did you manage to listen to the peculiarities and needs of the LGBTI community, while not being part of it?
As you know or imagine, the night has many faces. I also found myself in this world, at first as a musician and later as a singer. I met and socialized with people with various passions, desires, weaknesses or quirks according to others, most of them on the side of the avenue, as I said above, as I do for my relatives. This comforted me that I was not alone. We are not unambiguous, nor black and white, as they try to convince us.
The soul commands, the body weakens, where is the redemption?
There is always the best and in this the path to redemption is a constant struggle. He is given to us in the depths of heaven. The outside may be forgiving, but we ourselves are forgiving, which means accepting who we are. Then I think comes the quiet that makes our presence accepted by others.
The protagonist of your novel is a “boy” with a desirable body, who often walks on the edge of the cliff and claims his right to love. He believes in God. From what it seems, however, God has turned his gaze elsewhere! Far from those who let their soul lead them! An example to avoid?
In my sense, we contain what contains us and the embrace of what contains us is infinite. I define this hug as love and I don’t think he waved a critical finger at all of our bad writings. Examples in general I perceive as dogmatism wherever they come from, which I deeply dislike. We are gifted, let’s not forget this, with free will, and here I say that the lost in life is not the one who is lost in his passion, but the one who loses the passion.
In our country gender issues are not resolved, and a large portion of our fellow human beings are treated as pariahs… When do you think we will have the strength to actually go further and accept diversity?
Indeed, dogmatic selfishness, individualism, keep us closed in front of truths that we cannot bear, as our worn morality reacts, this invisible prison of ours that withers us without realizing it. Psychoanalysts, look around us, are doing golden jobs. But if we succeed and break this invisible shell, we will see the acceptance of diversity waiting for us and suddenly then we will see our world expand, grow.
What role do gender transition and love play in your book?
Love for me is a transcendent state, it transcends us when it appears, that’s why it recognizes no gender but I am you.
As a true Alexandrian, I can’t help but ask: Why did Cavafy inspire you?
For me, Cavafy is the wise old man. I set several of his poems to music, not out of a need to promote, but out of a need to comfort. He is my comforter and singing him in the Library of Alexandria was a momentous moment for me that reconciled me to myself.
As difficult a burden it is for a LGBTI+ child and, in general, for a child from other countries, his difference is another for his parents based on their own data, and this can only be appreciated by maturing, not at an age when they are “on bars” . Things have changed, haven’t they, for the better?
I think that lately something good is going to happen in society in general. I know parents who embraced their children’s idiosyncrasies from their first steps with affection and love. These children flourished offering fragrances rare in the community. I have met great people who fought for their sacred right to co-exist as equals and succeeded. Sometimes I can see something shining on their face.
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