Kamala Harris: A Health Report Worth Its Weight in Gold… or Maybe Just Paper
Well, folks, it looks like we’ve just received the latest episode of “As the Vice-Presidential Health Turns.” Yes, US Vice-President Kamala Harris is in “excellent health,” according to Dr. Joshua Simmons, her personal physician. It seems Dr. Simmons took a break from treating the world to drop a letter that reads like a press release for a new protein shake. What a time to be alive!
In his two-page letter, Dr. Simmons stated that Ms. Harris, despite her busy schedule, maintains a “healthy, active lifestyle.” Shocker! So, she’s not binge-watching “Love Island” with a pizza on her lap? Who would have thought? Apparently, she engages in vigorous daily aerobic exercise and core strength training. Which, for the uninformed, means she’s a lot more dedicated than your average citizen considering the amount of ice cream we all slap down after a long day!
The letter was released just in time for Harris’s presidential campaign to take a not-so-subtle jab at Donald Trump. They intend to use her clean bill of health as a tool — a bit like using fresh basil in a dish when all you really want is a pizza with extra cheese. After all, with Mr. Trump being 78, and let’s face it, not exactly winning any ‘focus’ contests lately, the campaign sees an opportunity. Suddenly, the narrative becomes “Look at us with our medical transparency!”— a stark contrast to Trump’s health reports that could practically come with a side of ‘mysterious’.
Dr. Simmons doesn’t just leave us with a vague endorsement of Ms. Harris’s health; he does manage to sprinkle in a bit of drama for good effect. Yes, she has a history of allergies and hives, which sounds like the start of a sitcom: “Kamala and the Allergies”! But hold onto your hats, folks; she’s also on allergen immunotherapy. If anyone’s qualified to create a successful pharmaceutical ad, it’s Dr. Simmons after this letter!
Additionally, while Trump’s medical background reads like a note slipped into a 5th grader’s science project, Harris’s report comes replete with details about contact lenses and a family history of maternal colon cancer. Look! A responsible adult in a high position! Someone who believes in good eye care and regular check-ups! The debates just got a lot more interesting — will “how well do you see” be a new debate segment? And let’s not forget her healthy diet — no tobacco and drinking in moderation, so she’s essentially a walking PSA. Your move, Trump.
Now, let’s not ignore the elephant in the room. Trump’s record of health reports reads like a poorly scripted movie plot twist. We’ve got one where he’s “the healthiest individual ever elected to the presidency
