When Dogs, Trespassers, and Law Degrees Collide
Welcome to the courtroom drama you never knew you needed! A plot twist involving a barrister, a deceased trespasser, and some rather enthusiastic lurchers has unfolded on the hallowed grounds of Hazelgrove Farm, which, let’s not forget, used to be a golf course. Talk about an afternoon tee-off!
Now, before we dive into the juicy bits, let’s set the scene. Picture a peaceful farm in Tallaght, Dublin. A calm day, sunshine glinting off the tractor as it patiently waits for more chicken drama. But, oh no! It turns out three men are ducking and diving through the bushes—the kind of action you’d expect in a Wile E. Coyote cartoon, but in this case, they weren’t chasing a Road Runner, just a good night’s sleep, and maybe a badger or two.
We find ourselves in a courtroom where a jury is slapped with the grim task of watching “upsetting and difficult” videos that involve a lurcher dog, a live squirrel, and a rather aggressive badger. Yes, the kind of footage that makes even Attenborough cringe. Det. Gda Short has been roped into the mess, having agreed with the defense that the videos were filled with “considerable good humour, laughter, and enjoyment.” I can’t tell if he was referencing the dogs or the humans—either way, it sounds like a Lord of the Flies meets a dog park scenario.
Now, the core of this matter lies in a botched trespass that resulted in the tragic and, dare I say, surreal death of Keith Conlon. Shot in the head by Diarmuid Phelan, a barrister and law professor who clearly took “defend your turf” to a whole new level. Picture this: Phelan, feeling threatened, retrieves his Smith & Wesson and, as the tension rises, he decides a quick warning shot is in order. His shooting practice, however, was more “sniper at a wedding” than “sheriff of the Wild West,” resulting in a not-so-innocent man taking the fall.
And just when you think it can’t get any stranger, the defense put forward that it was simply the unfortunate outcome of Mr Phelan trying to defend his property from men who were “coming to fulfil the threats they had made.” You see, it’s a wild ride when hunting goes awry in the suburbs! The only thing missing is a set of pathos-heavy country ballads and a group of farmers holding up “Keep Calm and Call Animal Control” posters.
But wait! There’s more! Videos from the trespasser’s phone reveal something so bizarre it feels like it should come with a content warning from PETA. In short, a cage, a kitten, and a plot twist that makes “The Hangover” look like a Saturday morning kids show. The details of how the dogs were encouraged to attack the kitten sound like someone’s wildly misguided weekend project rather than anything remotely sane. It’s like the producers of “America’s Got Talent” decided to showcase the darker side of pet training… and then the audition went horribly wrong. And yes, a bull terrier joining the circus only solidifies that idea!
Let’s not skip past the fact that during all this chaos, Mr Phelan was “shaking with fear,” which seems quite reasonable considering he was potentially outnumbered by trespassers who might have had a thing for badgers. Honestly, fighting off a badger locker room style sounds like something straight out of a dour Irish folk tale. “Gather round, children, I’m going to tell you about the man who took a shot at a trespasser and ended up in a situation that could only be described as an animal rights activists’ worst nightmare.”
As for the jury, they’ve been dragged into this surreal listing of events, and I can’t help but feel for them. “Ladies and gentlemen, you’re about to watch a real-life ‘Animal Planet’ gone wrong. Good luck, and if it gets too graphic, raise a hand!” What a way to spend your day—more bizarre than a cat video gone wrong!
The trial continues, and amidst all the comedic absurdity, there raises a significant question: when do we draw the line? Is it when a dog chases after a squirrel? When a barrister feels threatened on his own lawn? Or when we encourage a dog to attack a kitten for a laugh? Perhaps it’s time we rethink our hunting traditions and how they mix with modern-day ethics. If nothing else, this case is sure to make a riveting Netflix docuseries they can air along with “Tiger King.”
So, dear readers, grab your popcorn and keep an eye out for the next twist. This isn’t just about dogs chasing tails; this is courtroom drama at its finest. Stay tuned!
A jury has been exposed to a series of distressing animal attack videos extracted from the mobile device of a trespasser, who tragically lost his life after being shot on the farm owned by a law professor. Among the chilling footage played, the jury witnessed scenes where dogs were allegedly “trained” to launch attacks on a live kitten, captivating a courtroom filled with a palpable sense of unease.
In the harrowing video clips, a lurcher dog – fatally shot by the prominent barrister Diarmuid Phelan just moments before he described how three intruders dramatically emerged from the underbrush on his property – is depicted grappling with a live squirrel, viciously mauling a badger, and shaking a lifeless fox in its grip.
In her opening address, Roisin Lacey SC emphasized that the jury would be presented with evidence detailing how, on that fateful day, three men, including the deceased Keith Conlon and Kallum Coleman, unlawfully entered a densely wooded section of Mr. Phelan’s land under the pretense of hunting for foxes or badgers.
Mr. Phelan (56), a respected barrister, law lecturer, and farmer, has entered a plea of not guilty to the charge of murdering 36-year-old father of four, Keith ‘Bono’ Conlon, at Hazelgrove Farm, located at Kiltalown Lane, Tallaght, Dublin 24, on February 24, 2022. This unique parcel of land, formerly a golf course, is now under Mr. Phelan’s stewardship in Tallaght.
Mr. Conlon, hailing from Kiltalown Park in Tallaght, sustained severe injuries during the shooting incident on February 22nd, ultimately succumbing to a single gunshot wound to the head at Tallaght University Hospital two days later.
Ms. Lacey, representing the prosecution, informed the jury on Monday that they would soon view video evidence, with Detective Garda Mark Short set to provide insight regarding the clips that were recorded.
Ms. Justice Siobhan Lankford cautioned the jurors that the content they were about to see would be “somewhat upsetting and difficult” and advised them to communicate if they required a pause. She specified the videos would total no more than eight or nine minutes in length and reiterated the sensitive nature of the material.
The jury subsequently viewed eight separate video clips retrieved from the deceased man’s cellphone.
Under cross-examination, defense counsel Sean Guerin SC suggested to Det. Gda Short that throughout the videos, the activities were characterized by “considerable good humour, laughter, and enjoyment” among those present, a point to which the detective concurred.
Mr. Guerin elaborated that the videos illustrated various stages of the hunting process. He pointed out that successful hunting relies heavily on the terrier’s readiness to engage with and retain its quarry, whether badger or fox, emphasizing, “And equally the willingness of the lurcher to chase, catch and kill.”
The detective confirmed that animals are typically trained for these particular tasks, referencing a video filmed on Mr. Conlon’s phone from November 2021 that demonstrated this training in action.
In describing a segment of the recording that was not shown to the jury, Mr. Guerin explained how a cage placed in a van’s cargo hold contained a kitten alongside a small puppy. Multiple male voices were audible, encouraging the pup to attack the kitten, which led to a series of frantic attempts by the pup, before ultimately losing interest as the kitten rebuffed its advances.
Mr. Guerin continued to detail the scene where, following the puppy’s release from the cage, a larger bull terrier was introduced. This second dog was likewise urged by male voices to attack the kitten, resulting in a distressing display of aggression, as the bull terrier eventually mauled the kitten while further urging came from those present.
The prosecution’s account included that Mr. Phelan, revealing his fears during the confrontation, had fled, scrambling up a bank in an effort to escape. However, as the deceased man Keith Conlon and another individual advanced towards him, he perceived them to be intent on executing previously made threats.
As they neared, Mr. Phelan reported retrieving his Smith & Wesson revolver from his pocket and firing a warning shot into the air, only to be “stunned when one man went down,” as recounted during the court proceedings.
In her opening remarks, Ms. Lacey indicated that the defense’s position would claim that Mr. Phelan had the right to fire his weapon as a legitimate act of self-defense, and this action was undertaken without intent to injure Mr. Conlon, arguing that the resulting injury was unintended.
Conversely, the State contends, as articulated by Ms. Lacey, that the circumstances surrounding the third shot fired indicated the gun was aimed toward the deceased, who sustained a fatal gunshot wound to the back of the head while attempting to leave the scene.
“In those circumstances, we assert that the accused possessed the intent to kill or inflict serious harm,” counsel concluded.
The trial is set to resume tomorrow under the guidance of Ms. Justice Lankford and a jury comprised of nine men and three women.
How does the courtroom drama reflect broader societal issues surrounding hunting culture and animal rights?
D dog reportedly encouraged the bull terrier to engage the kitten. At this point in the unfolding drama, it sounds like the type of content most people would scroll past quickly if stumbled upon online. The insinuation being that what transpired was less a spontaneous act of nature and more like a choreographed production gone terribly awry.
Despite the comedic undertone that might seep into the narrative, the courtroom is filled with an atmosphere so thick with tension you could cut it with a rusty garden spade. As the jury members absorb these horrific clips, one senses the internal struggle each might be facing. Are they here to dispense justice, or merely witnesses to the grim absurdity humans can inflict upon both one another and animals?
With the defense asserting that the sequence of events stemmed from a justified response to perceived threats—three men potentially trespassing with the dubious intent of filling the evening with their own animal confrontations—it raises an essential examination of motive and rationality. Phelan’s own revelation of feeling “shaking with fear” adds another layer to the narrative. It’s difficult to discern whether his fear was of the ominous intruders or the bizarre spectacle of wild animal behavior that might ensue when one’s property is invaded.
All these threads woven together present a narrative that feels ripped from the pages of a satire, likely to prompt both laughter and outrage in equal measure. Should hunting culture allow for such liberties—or is it time to reevaluate the fine line where humor ends and humane values begin to splinter?
As the case continues, one can only hope there are experts lined up to witness the proceedings, offering insight into these practices that teeter on the edge of ethical standards. And if the courtroom drama unfolds like this, who knows? Perhaps we’ll all be seeking a front-row seat when Netflix turns this chaotic escapade into a binge-worthy docuseries to raise eyebrows and spark conversation far beyond the farm in Tallaght.
In the meantime, one thing’s for certain: As we observe this collision of comedy and tragedy, hunters, suburban dwellers, and simply curious citizens will likely think twice before laughing over a video that seems too outrageous to be real. After all, amidst the comic undertones, this trial carries with it the weight of making significant societal determinations about life, death, and the wild—and unexamined—behaviors we sometimes accept in the name of sport. Stay tuned, because the unraveling of this case promises to be nothing less than compelling.