As much to be honest right away, the author of this paper is a regular user of Tinder. But between the shitty dates, the discussions that never succeed or the suitors who look nothing like their photos, we really don’t know why we continue to fight with this dating app. And obviously, young people don’t make the same mistake as us. Because generation Z, that is to say those born between 1997 and 2010, relies more on social networks than on dating sites to find shoes that fit.
And it’s Instagram himself who says so. In a report on upcoming trends, published in december, the social network claims that “Gen Z plans to use platforms like IG for dating and hookups” in 2023. meeting is over. Will Instagram soon replace Tinder in the match race? HAS 20 Minutesas boomers always adept at raising real issues, we wanted to find the answer to this question.
Less pressure, more confidence
Even though dating apps remain the number one way to start relationships, they have lost some of their luster in recent years. Like the queen du dating, Tinder, which saw its downloads drop by 5% in 2021. Because it suffices to question a dozen users (in this case, the author herself and her friends) to understand that finding an ideal match , it’s as rare as a politician with a clean criminal record. “Everyone knows someone who has had an unfortunate experience on Tinder. There is a general posture of mistrust towards each other on these applications”, explains Florence Escaravage, founder of the company. Love Intelligencea specialist in love counseling and relationship coaching training.
And for good reason, on Tinder, rare are those who are the same on their profile as IRL – singles who are not really singles, “non-contractual” photos, profiles presented much more than to their advantage. If there are also some on Instagram, the risk of “catfishing” is still lower. “From the moment an Insta profile has existed for several years and is regularly updated, a priori, it is not fake”, continues Thu Trinh-Bouvier, expert in digital strategy. “Between the publications and the stories, we can have a more precise vision of the daily life of the person opposite”, adds the expert. Especially since unlike Tinder where we exchange with complete strangers, on Instagram, our flirts are often acquaintances or friends of friends. A big difference for Thu Trinh-Bouvier: “These are people from our second or third friendly circle, we know someone in common, it creates a bond of trust”, adds the specialist.
On Insta, the codes of “real life”
But what above all makes Instagram a good dating application is precisely that it is not one, decrypts Thu Trinh-Bouvier: “Unlike Tinder, where the type of relationship you want to have is clearly identified, on Instagram, we do not label. We do not immediately define the relationship that is being created, there is less pressure. Because we’re not going to lie to each other, successfully starting a conversation on Tinder is even harder than getting a raise at your annual interview. Difficult to always be funny, original or to make a difference. We do not recommend the joke “we might have met at the Monoprix, but it wouldn’t have a supermarket” to start the conversation, it didn’t really work for the author. And if by chance you manage to start a conversation that you like, it can end as quickly as it started.
But on Instagram, flirting takes up the codes of “real life”, according to Florence Escaravage: “We turn around, we rediscover the slowness, the latency times and a consistency in the exchanges, it’s more natural, a flirt which takes shape little by little”, she analyzes, adding: “It recreates a form of mystery, expectation, and even sometimes a lack if we have started to discuss. All of these ingredients are needed to put some magic back into dating, which apps have unfortunately lost.”
Because even for those who favor Tinder for dating, Instagram is never far away. “There is a bridge between the two applications. On Tinder, you can synchronize your Insta account, ”recalls the boss of Love Intelligence. And the links don’t stop there. The proof is, when it matches, the first reflex is to exchange your Insta (word of experience). “Besides, young people who meet in bars are almost more likely to exchange their Instagram accounts than their phone numbers. We bring the other into his personal universe,” says Thu Trinh-Bouvier.
Follow back, like et émoji flamme
More than content, Instagram has it all figured out. Unlike Tinder, there are many ways to engage in conversation on the social network. And we might even make a slogan out of it: “At each level of interaction its functionality”.
Short contact course with his crush on Instagram for the uninitiated. First there is the follow and the follow back, that is to say, the fact of following the account of the chosen one of your heart and that this last follows you in return. And of course, the more follow back faster, the more likely that person is to be receptive to your contact. Then come the likes. Obviously, they don’t all mean the same thing (yes, we know, it’s not always easy to decipher the message). There’s the one in your last photo, a good step for sure, but your brother might do the same. Or the one in a photo you posted several months ago. And there, it’s all good: it means that your crush has brought up all the publications on your profile. A good way to make a first approach and break the ice.
But, it is with the reactions to the stories that Instagram has hit hard. In addition to the like, the social network now allows you to send an emoji. You post a photo of yourself and you receive the flame or heart emoji of your crush? It’s not too risky to claim that he/she is flirting with you. Well, it’s not always so pleasant to receive, we’re not going to lie to you. Like the flame received at three o’clock in the morning by this former date who ghosted you and who hopes to put the cover back on following a year of silence. For those who haven’t understood – and Facebook boomers – the flame emoji is a bit like Insta’s poke 2.0.
Last but not least, the stories. Once once more, let’s be honest: anyone who has never looked at the list of those who have seen the stories hoping to see the name of his crush is denounced. Because, according to a legend that has never been confirmed by the highest authorities of Instagram, the names at the top of this list would be those who watch your stories most often (we want to believe it). Suffice to say that seeing the first name of our crush, our little heart is agitated. There remain the DMs – the private messages -, a last step which takes you (normally) to a higher level of intimacy. Come on, we wish you all a happy new year, but above all, may it be filled with dates and, who knows, love.
