Right then, slackers, gather ’round. We’ve got another corporate monstrosity to dissect. Johnson & Johnson, those benevolent angels of the pharmaceutical world, are looking for a fresh-faced intern to join their "Ethicon Commercial Team" in Zug, Switzerland. Because apparently the gleaming peaks of the Alps weren’t already glamorous enough.
"Ethicon" sounds like a made-up island inhabited by highly-trained ninjas who specialize in stitching people back together. Turns out, it’s just Johnson & Johnson’s surgical sutures division.
Now, they’re claiming to be all about "building a world where complex diseases are prevented, treated, and cured". Bless their hearts, the aspirations are high. But let’s be honest, aren’t those things supposed to be the point of being a medical company in the first place? Shouldn’t we expect that as a baseline, not a groundbreaking manifesto?
The internship itself is…interesting. They’re chucking you in the deep end with "ad-hoc" projects, "value-based healthcare" initiatives, and overseeing "customer hypercare management." Sounds more like a list of buzzwords designed to bamboozle the gullible.
Oh, and there’s a bevy of "leadership" opportunities, apparently. Leading what, exactly? A team of hamsters on a wheel? Pushing paperwork across a desk?
Let’s not forget the "strong communication skills" and "flexibility" they demand. Translation: be always-on, nodding frantically, and never, ever questioning the wisdom of the corporate overlords.
And of course, there are the "attractive benefits." 40% remote work, if the "job allows", which I suspect means "if you’re lucky and your workload magically shrinks". Plus, they promise "a great team". I’m sure they’re lovely, but let’s face it, it’s probably a bunch of overworked harried individuals desperately clinging to their sanity in this capitalist hellscape.
So, there you have it. This internship screams "baptism by fire" with a hefty side of corporate jargon.
If you’re the sort who thrives on pressure, ambiguity, and the faintest glimmer of hope for making a "meaningful impact", then by all means, apply. Just be prepared to have your idealism gently crushed while simultaneously learning how to make a mean PowerPoint presentation.
You know, just your average Tuesday at a multinational corporation. chuckles nervously
Description
Job Title: Intern (w/m/d) Commercial Team Ethicon
Location: Zug, Switzerland
Start: 01.03.2025 or by arrangement
Johnson & Johnson is actively searching for a highly motivated intern to join their Ethicon Commercial Team in Zug, Switzerland. This is an exciting opportunity to gain valuable experience within one of the leading MedTech companies worldwide.
At Johnson & Johnson, we are dedicated to advancing human health. Through our pioneering work in Innovative Medicine and MedTech, we strive to deliver groundbreaking healthcare solutions that prevent, treat, and cure complex diseases. Our commitment to creating smarter, less invasive treatments and personalized solutions drives us towards a future where health is accessible to all.
Join our team and contribute to shaping the future of healthcare. This internship offers a chance to build a meaningful career with a purpose.
Position Overview – Tasks & Responsibilities:
During this 6-month full-time internship, you will play a key role in supporting the Swiss Commercial Team and their value-based healthcare projects, including the integration of innovative digital solutions.
- You will collaborate on diverse ad-hoc projects, contributing to the impactful work of the Ethicon team.
- As a co-lead on specific customer projects, you will play a vital role in evaluating questionnaires, developing compelling case stories, and analyzing surgical process optimizations – all crucial for enhancing patient care.
- You will actively support the territory sales process, providing ongoing customer support and ensuring a seamless customer experience.
- Driving the integration of powerful MedTech solutions through a value-based customer approach will be a key area of focus. You will help guide this important transformation both within JOHNSON & Johnson and externally with key stakeholders.
- A significant part of your internship will involve leading your own project in the field of Business Intelligence (BI) and process automation, allowing you to directly contribute to streamlining operations.
- You will also have the opportunity to contribute to cross-team projects, such as initiatives related to sustainability in healthcare or supporting the organization of events.
- Other exciting opportunities may arise based on your skills and interests.
Capabilities
Qualifications – Education and Experience:
- We are seeking proactive individuals pursuing a university degree with a strong interest in data sciences or BI.
- In-depth knowledge of the healthcare system and its clinical environment is essential for success in this role.
Qualifications – Skills:
- Exceptional communication and interpersonal skills are crucial for effective collaboration within our diverse teams.
- You should be comfortable working both independently and as part of multiple teams, navigating a dynamic matrix organization.
- The ability to thrive under strict deadlines while remaining flexible in response to unexpected challenges is imperative.
- A commitment to achieving goals within a diverse, customer-centric work environment is highly valued.
- You should possess strong proficiency in Microsoft Excel or other data management tools.
- Fluency in English and German is required. Proficiency in French is desuiable.
Our Offering:
- We offer a 6-month full-time internship within a renowned international healthcare company. This provides a unique opportunity to enhance your professional experience, with a start date of March 1st, 2025.
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Gain valuable insights into one of the largest MedTech companies in the world through hands-on experience.
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Independently collaborate on national and regional projects for leading Swiss hospitals.
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Become part of a remarkable team and experience an exceptional sense of belonging within a supportive and encouraging culture.
- Flexible working conditions allow for a 40% remote work arrangement when feasible.
- We offer a variety of attractive benefits designed to support your physical, mental, and financial well-being.
For over 130 years, diversity, equity & inclusion (DEI) have been integral to Johnson & Johnson’s culture, shaping how we conduct business daily. We recognize that our success relies on understanding and meeting the diverse needs of the communities we serve. This is why we cultivate a culture of inclusion and belonging where all perspectives, abilities, and experiences are valued.
Johnson & Johnson is committed to providing equal employment opportunities to all qualified individuals, regardless of race, color, religion, sex, sexual orientation, gender identity, age, disability, or background. Please indicate in your application if you learned about this opportunity through the Health Science Club.
* What are Emily’s expectations for the internship at Johnson & Johnson?
## Interview with a Cynical Intern Applicant
**Host:** Welcome back to *Career Catastrophe*, the show where we dissect the absurdity of corporate jargon one job posting at a time. Today, we have a very special guest, Emily, who bravely applied for Johnson & Johnson’s Ethicon Commercial Team internship in Switzerland. Emily, welcome to the show!
**Emily:** *nervously* Thanks for having me.
**Host:** So, Emily, tell us about your decision to apply for this internship. What drew you to Johnson & Johnson and the world of surgical sutures?
**Emily:** Well, to be honest, the job title “Ethicon Commercial Team” sounded like something straight out of a sci-fi movie. I was expecting laser-wielding ninjas stitching people back together, not spreadsheets and PowerPoint presentations.
**Host:** *laughs* Sounds like you’re a bit disillusioned already. What about the internship description? Did anything stand out to you?
**Emily:** Oh, absolutely. The “value-based healthcare initiatives” and “customer hypercare management”? Sounds like corporate buzzwords designed to mask the fact that I’ll probably be making coffee runs and alphabetizing files.
**Host:** The job posting mentions “leadership opportunities.” How do you feel about leading a team of hamsters on a wheel, which seems to be the extent of leadership experience they offer?
**Emily:** *deadpan* It’s definitely more appealing than pushing paperwork across a desk.
**Host:** What about the “attractive benefits”? They promise 40% remote work, if the job allows. What’s your take on that?
**Emily:** It’s hilarious, right? As if “if the job allows” doesn’t mean you’ll be chained to your desk tighter than a mummy in bandages.
**Host:** So, Emily, how optimistic are you about this internship?
**Emily:** Let’s be honest, it’s probably going to be a baptism by fire. But hey, maybe I’ll learn something. Besides, my student loan debt is spreading faster than a superbug.
**Host:** And to all the aspiring interns out there, what advice would you give them?
**Emily:** *sarcastically* If you thrive on pressure, ambiguity, and the faint glimmer of hope that your contributions might actually matter, by all means, apply. But bring your own coffee mug, and prepare for your idealism to be gently crushed.
**Host:** Well said, Emily. Thank you for joining us on *Career Catastrophe*. And remember, if you’d rather not join the corporate rat race, there might be a rainbow unicorn waiting for you in the field of butterfly sanctuaries. Just sayin’.