2024-02-29 16:26:00
the essentials Does your child catch you having sex? Do not panic ! If this situation obviously makes you uncomfortable, simply talking to him regarding it will ease the drama. Explanations.
Did your child come into your room while you were having sex? This happens more often than you think. “Between little ones waking up at night and the fact that children can be naturally curious regarding what is going on in the parental bedroom, it is not surprising that parents are surprised,” explains Vincent Joly, psychologist in Paris .
So, of course, “it is important to do everything possible to preserve the couple’s privacy and not expose yourself to the gaze of children”, he recalls. However, “this does not mean that if this happens, the child will be traumatized.” The reaction of the parents is then essential.
“In general, parents surprised in this way become angry, scold the child and dismiss him unceremoniously,” he describes. It’s a pretty natural reaction. However, “ideally, you should avoid scolding the child and instead kindly ask them to leave.” It will then be necessary to explain to him simply and calmly, depending on his age, what he has just witnessed. The goal is that he does not feel shame or guilt.
Adapt the reaction according to age
For the little ones, “just say that you were giving a hug like adults sometimes do. That it’s regarding tenderness and having fun together between lovers,” recommends Vincent Joly. And specify that this does not concern children. The way of dialogue depends on the age of the child but also on the temperament of the parents and their education.
The important thing is to explain and not leave the child with his questions. “He may also often think it was an argument or even some sort of fight involving violence between his parents because of the strange noises and what may seem like ruckus to him. . We must therefore defuse this hypothesis.”
Redefining the question of sexuality
For slightly older and pre-adolescent children, “the fact that sexuality is associated with pornography can make the idea of their parents engaging in it disturbing,” continues the psychologist. “It is therefore important to redefine the question of sexuality by remembering that it is above all regarding love and mutual respect.” In any case, “it’s easier if the question of sexuality has been addressed upstream,” he believes.
Adolescents generally do not surprise their parents during sex because they do everything to avoid it. They generally do not want to know anything regarding the intimate lives of their parents.
To note : It can be helpful to take this opportunity to remind people of boundaries in the house. For example, the marital bed is reserved for parents. Or at least when the parents’ door is closed, we don’t enter or we knock before entering.
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