How to Deal with Irresponsible Adult Children: A Mother’s Story

2024-03-07 08:27:56

My husband and I are the kind of parents who always tried to give our children the best. As children, we bought them everything they wanted and took care of their education.

We looked for every opportunity to place the boys in good universities. And everything seemed to work out!

The eldest Vitya went abroad and has been living there for many years. And the younger Andrey studied to be a lawyer and opened an office with a friend.

At first, things were going well, but then my son’s partner got involved with some dishonest people. I don’t really know what happened there, but in the end I had to urgently sell Andryushin a new apartment and car in order to give all the money to those people.

The son himself then hid for a long time with one girl whom he was dating at the time. Apparently, he and his friend offended some big bosses. Or bandits.

But time passed, there was no point in hiding forever. Andryusha again began to conduct a private legal practice in divorce cases, but not on such a scale.

I took on several clients and led them. Andrei had enough for a quiet, lonely life. They broke up with that girl. I don’t know why either. Well, they didn’t get along.

Since my son lost his home, we let him live in the apartment that we had previously rented out. My husband and I bought two of these when we were both still working. Small one-room apartments, but in a new house. They wrote one down for me, the other for my husband. They planned then that the eldest son would live in one, and the younger son in the other. The eldest had already sold his, but Andryushina was standing.

We wanted to transfer this apartment to him right away, because he would get it anyway. But he refused. He said that he still owed money to the banks, so they could take it away.

We decided this: the apartment remains registered in our name, and Andrey will live in it.

And the scheme seems to be good, but the son, having settled in the apartment, did not pay for utilities. My husband and I did not find out about this right away. Andrey said that he pays money according to receipts on time and in the required amount.

But at one point, part of my savings was simply written off from my bank account. I thought that I had become a victim of scammers, so I quickly ran to the bank to sort it out.

There I was informed that the money had been written off for utility debts. The apartment is for my husband and me. The girl worker explained everything to me and offered to immediately connect the card to payments so that debts would not accumulate. I agreed. I decided that I would sort things out with my son, as long as they didn’t cut off the gas or electricity in the apartment.

Then my husband and I went to Andrey to talk. We decided to take him by surprise at home and not call. In the mailbox at the entrance we saw a bunch of paper receipts. The son didn’t even deign to pull them out!

We got up, opened the apartment with our key, and went in. There is terrible dirt in the house! The floors have not been washed for a long time, the dishes are dirty in the sink. We went into the room – the bed was dismantled, the linen was stale. There are empty dirty mugs on the computer desk.

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Of all the clean things, only the suits hanging in the closet are from the dry cleaners. Ironed. To impress clients. And Andrei himself is not at home at all.

I cleaned up as much as I could. I threw out the trash. I prepared the soup, and my husband and I left. In the evening I called my son.

“So,” I tell him, “do you pay your utilities?” So are you keeping an eye on housing? I was written off such an amount for your debts!

And he answers so calmly:

– I will give it back.

– Do you have any problems? – I ask.

– No, everything is fine! I just forgot to pay.

Forgot! He didn’t even get the receipt!

Then I decided not to put pressure on my son, to wait until he gave me the money. But the next month I had money automatically debited from my card.

My husband and I took turns calling Andrei, trying to appeal to his conscience. We received the same answer: I will give it back.

At the same time, we follow our son on social networks. He regularly appeared in quite expensive places, ate obviously expensive dishes, and drank expensive alcohol. All the photos on social networks indicate that he lives in grand style.

A month ago I flew to Turkey on vacation. And the pensioner mother pays for the utilities!

Yes, the amount is not gigantic. About ten thousand rubles. But we gave him this apartment anyway! Although they could make money on it for some time by simply renting it out.

He does not pay any debts to banks, does not maintain his apartment, but at the same time goes to expensive taverns. I don’t know how to influence him. It turns out that my husband and I have been in this bondage for a year now. We pay utilities and go to put the house in order.

I think he can transfer the apartment to Andrey. Let him deal with both the payments and the maintenance of the house. And if the bank takes it away, well, that’s his problem. I should have thought with my head earlier.

This is how you do everything for children, and then you don’t understand what grows out of them.

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