Developing good character traits in your child is never premature. From the age of six, children are already beginning to have their own judgment. You will have understood: You cannot tell your child everything, even less treat or console him in an inappropriate way.
“Everything will be fine”, “it’s just a boo”, “you’re exaggerating”, are all phrases that parents tend to say to their child to reassure him, trivialize his illness and “help” him to move on. something else, all of which have negative connotations and undesirable consequences for his personality, self-esteem and self-confidence. Elias Hull Porte, an American psychologist, has erected work at the Ohio State University on listening attitudes. For the expert, it is really necessary to listen to the children to relieve them and especially to know how to listen to them in a constructive way.
Parenthood: an intellectual pleasure
Cuddle her child. Source: spm
Far from the stress of life, if you take a little time to rethink some of your reactions with your children, you may realize that they might insinuate depreciation, manipulation and control.
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We know, you’re not doing it on purpose. As a parent, you have a double life and a double hat: listen to the child in yourself and heal his ills on the one hand, while inspiring the best example in your child by instilling in him values and a critical sense. let’s face it, to be a parent is a full-time job, an invaluable responsibility but above all a pleasure following all. Do you know why ? Because your child also feeds your soul and you are lucky for that!
Knowingly giving a share of conscience, generosity, intellectuality, emotional intelligence, of “self” above all, is the best thing you can give your child, and he will never thank you enough for it.
What impact can education have on your child’s person as an adult?
Talk to his child. Source: spm
To love your child is to teach him that he deserves love, kindness, compassion…
It is to allow him to express freely his emotions, let him know that he has room for error and stupidity, to be in pain, to cry, to say no, to say yes, that he can be authentic…
It is also showing him how to assume his wrong and commemorate his victory, that vulnerability is also part of life. that it is fair humanin its purest and hardest form.
teach him that and don’t be afraid that life is sometimes hard with him, he will be able to get through it with a lot of faith and wisdom. It is well equipped !
That said, the journey to this pinnacle of freedom of expression and assertiveness does not happen overnight. It begins now, as soon as it comes to throw itself into your arms in tears to manifest an evil, to ask for your compassion or simply to have a long hug that might give him a sense of security.
The next time your child runs sobbing in your direction, don’t say these sentences to him… it changes everything in the long run!
Comfort your child. Source: spm
A child’s needs are tiny and are usually met following the first physical contact with their parents. However, we live in a time when “parental burn-out” has become a way of life, to which are added popular advice to make your child obey or to have him sober and conciliatory… A model child who does not does not whine, does not sulk, does not expose himself to situations of vulnerability and who has the mind of a precocious adult.
Your little boy or your little girl, if they find refuge in you, it is to externalize their evil, their own sadness, an injustice… or, to tell you regarding a fear, a tragic event, an innocent child’s suspicion… They expect you to show empathy, to you give them a hug, they love your soft voice, your “I love you”. They don’t expect you to bottle up their feelings, trivialize their fear, compare them to others, or underestimate them…
In tears, your child needs to be cuddled first, then reassured. Listen to him and put your finger on his pain to better help him.
How can the mother reassure her child? Just avoid these phrases:
The list is long, we will give you examples. You have already understood the philosophy of your child’s education.
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- “Everyone is suffering, be patient” : A child must be certain that he has the right to empathy and well-being. Saying these words to your child is a way of suppressing their right to happiness and not sharing their feelings.
- “Boys/grownups don’t cry” : This is the dumbest thing a child has to be convinced of. He will believe in it all his life and will end up hide his feelings and accumulate negative energy that will eat away at his soul and his mental and physical health.
- “None of that happened” : A child who is undeceived, despite his intelligence, will be an adult who will lack self-confidence. He will always doubt himself.
- “You’re ugly with tears in your eyes”: It’s a way of telling him that he has no right to feel weak or sad, that he must always be beautiful and that beauty is always synonymous with perfection.
- “Stop whining, you’re exaggerating” : A child who does not want to pass for a whiner in front of his parents, will tend to repress feelings to be appreciated. The fear of not being loved pushes adults to put up with very unworthy situations… What’s the point of inflicting all this stress on them?
According to psychologist Elias Hull Porte, you have to listen to your child without passing judgment and without giving the solution: the child will find it by himself. This is the best strategy to restore his self-confidence.
Dear parents, life has given you the best gift that can exist: a child, a blessing. You love him unconditionally and forever. You will see the world through his eyes and you will be happy to see him grow up with all the beautiful things you have taught him. Above all, do not trivialize his feelings!
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