When should you tell the future dad that you are pregnant?
In most cases, it is recommended to announce the pregnancy to the future dad as soon as possible. “The sooner he is made aware, the sooner he can rejoice the news and start investing in his role as a dad”, indicates the psychologist. The main person concerned might even take it badly that a third person – best friend or mother-in-law – was informed before him!
The exception concerns women who have already had miscarriages previously, who may be afraid to announce it too quickly at the risk of disappointment in the event of another failure.
Catherine Pierrat, psychologist: When there is a history of miscarriages, not announcing your pregnancy to your partner before a certain stage is a way of protecting him, but also of protecting himself from his recurring worries and questions which can be anxiety-provoking and difficult to live with.
In the event of a miscarriage, then there is no question of keeping this grief to yourself. The future dad will certainly be better able to support and support his partner by having learned of the pregnancy at the same time as its interruption.
How to tell him that he is going to be a dad?
We do not announce in the same way a long-awaited pregnancy and one that would happen “like a hair in the soup”, when the subject has never been mentioned in the couple, or even when the partner has clearly said that he didn’t want it. Obviously, the announcement goes vary according to context.
Unplanned pregnancy in a working couple
Everything works and love is in good shape, but the subject of the child has never been put on the table and here you are pregnant without having seen it coming.
“In this case, we are not in the romantic adat the risk of exposing yourself to a disappointing reaction! You have to talk to the father quickly, so that you can make a decision right away.in the event that this is not to keep the child”, insists the psychologist. The faster we react, the less time we have to fantasize regarding a pregnancy which may not take place, and the less it will be sore.
“The important thing then is to be in communication: everyone must be able to express their desires, fears or fears. And if the decision is difficult to make, do not hesitate to call on a therapist”, recalls Catherine Pierrat. The presence of a third party can help to free up speech, and to raise questions that we do not wouldn’t have dared to approach or which we wouldn’t have thought of.
An accidental pregnancy
A one-night stand, adultery, during a separation… a pregnancy is not always desired and planned, and it can happen when you least expect it and with a man. with whom one does not intend to start a family.
“In this case, theto announce to the man supposes that one wants to involve him in the decision : either termination of pregnancy or to assume his role as father”, underlines the psychologist. Telling him is finally asking him for his opinion, and it will then be necessary to take this into account.
“Depending on the case, it is also possible to make the decision not to announce it – to abort or to keep it – without talking regarding it: each case is different, there is no rule” specifies the specialist.
Be careful, however, before going through your pregnancy alone, you really have to think regarding what to say to the future child. “It’s tricky to explain that there is a dad somewhere in nature but that he is not present in the child’s life,” she adds. And knowing his origins and the story of his birth is essential for the psychic construction of a child.
How to announce your pregnancy to the dad who does not want it?
In a couple, the subject of the child has already been raised, and the position of the partner has always been clear: he does not want it. Whether it’s because there are already several or because he simply does not want children, he has always been clear on the subject.
Catherine Pierrat: It’s a delicate scenario, because you have to tell him whatever happens and be ready to hear that he doesn’t want it, with a difficult choice at stake. The announcement must then be made quickly and without embellishment: “I know you don’t want it, but I’m pregnant”.
The man can then stick to his decision: it’s either him or the baby, leaving the mother with a difficult dilemma. But sometimes people change their minds before the fait accompli. “It’s a situation that happens regularly: the spouse can be relieved not to have had to decide, because fate has decided for him. He can even be finally happy with this prospect and joyfully invest his role of future dad”, says the psychologist.
An expected and desired pregnancy, ideas: how to announce a pregnancy to the spouse in an original way?
When the pregnancy was desired and expected, the mother-to-be often wants to mark the occasion by imagining an original way to announce it to her partner. Lacking inspiration? Here are some funny, touching or romantic ideas that are off the beaten track!
Treasure hunt or riddle
make daddy the hero of a treasure hunt, which you will have taken care to imagine, is undeniably a very original way of revealing your pregnancy! You can pick out the clues as the game progresses, in strategic places (DVD of the film “En cloque mode d’emploi” on the coffee table, small baby booties on the bed, “baby on board” sticker on side of the car keys…) until the final treasure, which might be a positive pregnancy test, a first ultrasound or even the due date written in lipstick on the bathroom mirror.
Still on the theme of the game, you can imagine a riddlea rebus or a enigmawhich will put your partner on the track of his paternity.
Mug, Tee-shirt
Classic but effective, the message gift that the future dad will be able to remember this precious moment. The T-shirt personalized according to his character or his passions (geek dad, sports dad, biker dad, etc.) always works well, as does the message mug or bracelet. Several solutions then: wear the T-shirt casually and wait for him to realize it, or even serve him breakfast in bed with his coffee in the “Super Dad!” Mug. Surprise effect guaranteed!
Poem, painting, realization
For artists at heart, what better announcement than a personal work, that the child will enjoy reading or watching when he is older? It can be a poem, a painting, a comic strip or even an embroidery, imagined for the occasion.
Romantic dinner, surprise cake, fortune cookies
Like the romantic marriage proposal dinner, you can organize a candlelight dinner to announce the big news to your partner. The announcement might be made over dessert using a personalized bean “baby is on the way” hidden in the cakeor a pacifier jewel in the bottom of his champagne flute.
The message can also be hidden in a fortune cookie : Many online sites offer to personalize the message written in these famous little crackers. The cookie can then be slipped surreptitiously into the takeaway meal delivery bag.
Baby 2: how to announce a second pregnancy to the eldest?
When there is already an elder, including it in the announcement of the pregnancy makes it possible to create a nice first memory of “family”! Depending on his age, you can: make him wear a bodysuit or a T-shirt with the message “I’m going to be a big brother/sister”, invite him to draw of dad/mom/him and his/her future little brother or sister, have him participate in your treasure hunt or even have him offer the personalized gift (Mug, t-shirt, bracelet, etc.) that you have planned for his dad.
You can also buy a book to prepare the eldest for the arrival of the secondand ask dad to read it to him.
Do you always have to make tons of them? The spontaneous announcement, sometimes the best!
The trend that exists today to always want to do more original, funny, grandiose and/or surprising, can be oppressive for some women, who prefer let their spontaneity speak.
“The most important thing is undoubtedly to make the announcement as we feel,” recalls the psychologist. And for many women, the priority is to share their happiness with their partner as quickly as possible, without thinking regarding how to do it. Very often, therefore, the spouse is aware from the first day of a late period, accompanies his wife to the pharmacy to buy a test and waits with her for the famous little band to appear!
