2023-04-20 16:48:32
It is much easier to make promising new acquaintances in the 21st century than before. Just download a dating app, sign up, do a few swipes, and there you have a new person in front of you. Or even easier! start an online video chat, and in just a few seconds, you will be chatting with a random person. Isn’t that great?
Of course it’s awesome! But why, then, are there so many single people in the world? Why in most cases online (and offline) dating leads to nothing? What is stopping you from finding happiness and finding the perfect person? Let’s try to find out!
Toxic habits: why they ruin your life and prevent you from finding true love
You’ve probably heard the term “toxic relationship”. This is the name of a relationship in which a couple does not support each other, where conflicts constantly arise, moreover often without foundation, and where lovers try to assert themselves, each showing their superiority over the other. There is nothing good in toxic relationships, and in most cases they sooner or later end in a breakup, after which everyone breathes a sigh of relief.
But there is another important concept, “toxic habits”. These are habits and behavioral norms that can really poison your life and the lives of those around you. Especially those you are trying to build a relationship with. The main problem is that often a person does not realize that he is prone to toxic habits, and that he needs to change something.
Now we want to look at seven of the most common toxic habits, and give some recommendations on how to kick them. Most of these tips will be useful not only to those who are already in a relationship, but also to those who are in the research and dating stage.
Toxic Habit #1: Comparing New Relationships to Previous (Failed) Relationships
In general, any attempt to compare a current relationship with past relationships is a bad thing. As well as any comparison of a new partner with the previous one. Until you stop doing it, you won’t be able to find harmony. You will stubbornly find certain disadvantages in your partner, you will constantly remember your previous personal experience and you will think that it might be better to stop everything…
Social psychologist Teresa Didonato states the following:
“People who constantly compare their current relationships to previous ones are often less committed to their soul mate. In addition, they are more likely to think about changing partners. They are often closed in on themselves and are not ready to work to strengthen their relationships. »
The simplest advice: do all you can to leave past relationships in the past. Delete common photos, throw away your ex’s belongings, remove from your life everything that can remind you of her or him. Believe us, it will get much easier!
Toxic Habit #2: Create drama out of thin air to shake things up
This is another common toxic habit. Some people may start creating drama out of thin air to add some emotion to the relationship and “shake it up.” It seems to them that when everything is normal in a relationship, it is wrong. That’s a sign of a lack of emotion.
In fact, it is not. A stable and calm relationship is just a sign of maturity. And any attempt to create drama out of thin air violates that stability. Any drama is very exhausting. Sooner or later, it can go from a completely far-fetched situation to a very real and extremely serious one. So relationships break down for no apparent reason.
There’s only one piece of advice here: don’t create drama out of the blue and don’t try to test the strength of the relationship. It won’t help anyone feel better.
Toxic Habit #3: Blaming Your Partner
It is sometimes very difficult to admit one’s faults and to assume one’s responsibilities. Some people can’t stand situations where they’re wrong about something. Even realizing their mistake, they will continue to insist on their own rightness and look for any means to shift the blame onto another person.
According to Susan Krauss Whitborn, professor of psychology:
“The transference of guilt is a defense mechanism of our psyche. Thanks to it, we maintain our self-esteem, ignoring our own flaws and failures. »
The key to solving this problem lies in the willingness to take an objective look at yourself and the situation in which you find yourself. First, learn to admit your guilt, at least to yourself. It will then be easier to recognize it in front of another person. Otherwise, others will always be guilty of all your ills and you will not move forward.
Toxic Habit #4: The Willingness to Blame Yourself in Any Situation
This toxic habit is the exact opposite of the previous one. There are tens of thousands of couples in which one of the people is always looking for the cause of all the problems and troubles in himself. Sometimes it goes as far as the absurd. For example, some people may blame themselves for their partner cheating on them. Or a woman may consider herself at fault that a man or spouse raised a hand on her. It’s absurd !
You don’t have to wear the hat if that’s not the case. Otherwise, you will sink into a trap that you will not be able to get out of afterwards. If you feel like you have this toxic habit and it is only getting worse over time, working with a psychologist is highly recommended. Or maybe you should even break up with a toxic relationship in which you constantly feel guilty about something. This is sometimes the most rational solution.
Toxic habit n°5: Self-isolation and refusal to discuss complex subjects
The inability to talk about problems and just difficult topics is very serious. It may seem to you that being withdrawn into yourself is a plus. After all, you’re not overwhelming the other person with your problems, becoming obsessive, and drawing all the attention to yourself and your problems. But it’s wrong !
You can’t keep everything to yourself forever. Dissatisfaction, anger, resentment, all accumulate and, sooner or later, pour out with force. This moment can be fatal in every sense of the word.
The easiest way to learn to speak honestly and openly is to communicate! You need to communicate with different people on different topics, discuss serious topics and issues, be honest and sincere. Well, the best communication “simulator” is online video chat. That is to say, a site or an application that puts you in contact with a random interlocutor.
There are many popular video chats today:
- Chatspin: a simple video chat with a gender filter and AR masks.
- CooMeet: a roulette chat that connects men only with women (with verified accounts).
- Camsurf: a video chat with gender and language filters.
- Azar: a combination of online video chat and functional messaging.
- Omegle: a minimalist online video chat with a choice of language and search by interests.
Sometimes video chat communication can very well replace working with a psychologist. You will learn to talk about what interests you and what worries you. This is the first step to kicking a toxic habit. Besides, you can also find love there, so why not give it a try?
Toxic Habit #6: The Desire to Control Your Partner’s Every Action
Feelings of jealousy and the desire to know where the loved one is and with whom he or she is spending time can show up in a relationship. Within reason, this is normal. But sometimes it turns into a fanatical desire to control literally every step. Jealous man begins to check messages on his partner’s smartphone, examines call logs, checks e-mails and instant messengers. Sometimes he comes to turn to private detectives…
Agree that such relationships can hardly be called healthy. Such fanaticism will certainly lead to no good. Sometimes a simple honest and sincere conversation can make a big difference. Discuss what worries and bothers you, what doubts you have. It is possible that all your fears are completely unfounded, and that you are ruining a relationship instead of enjoying it.
Toxic habit #7: Complaining about your partner to other people
Some people complain about their partner to others for emotional support. But this is a completely losing strategy. First, you put your loved one in a bad light in front of strangers. Second, your brain only focuses on the negative, missing out on everything good.
This same habit prevents many people from making new acquaintances. For example, you are chatting with someone on a dating app or video chat and you start talking about your ex-girlfriend or boyfriend in a negative way. You can’t even doubt it: nothing good will come out of this conversation. Your interlocutor will definitely not want to build a relationship with a person who after some time will start spitting on him in front of another stranger on the Internet.
Stay away from the negative, don’t spread it and remember less about past relationships in general. Rest assured, this will make things easier for everyone.
In summary: get rid of toxic habits once and for all!
The main problem with toxic habits is that they can stay with you for life. They can form long before the start of the first serious relationship, but if they are not eradicated, your later life with a partner can turn into a real test. Sooner or later this will lead to a breakup and a new attempt to find your happiness. And so on, like a snake biting its own tail.
We hope today’s article will help you discover your toxic habits, if any, and get rid of them once and for all. But do not forget that in some cases, outside help is essential. If you feel like you can’t get out of it, it can sometimes be very helpful to turn to a qualified psychologist. Believe us, your life could change once and for all!
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