2024-01-01 07:00:03
Emotional self-validation is the ability to recognize and accept how you feel without judging yourself. How to strengthen it?
Last update : January 1, 2024
In times of crisis, when negative emotions tend to take over your thoughts, Emotional self-validation can help you deal with the situation. But what exactly does this concept refer to? Validating yourself means accepting what you feel and what you think without punishing yourself or judging yourself.
This does not mean that you justify what happens to you. But that you accept the emotions you feel, whether good or bad, to become aware of what generates them and work on it. Although in practice it is not easy, there are certain strategies that help you develop it.
What is emotional self-validation?
Emotional self-validation means recognizing that all emotions – yours and those of others – are valid and have a function. Listen to them, try to understand why they appear and learn to regulate them without resistance is decisive for personal development and for coping with adverse situations.
Indeed, emotional self-validation refers specifically to the ability that allows you to accept your internal experiences, with the feelings and thoughts they encompass. This means stopping resisting, minimizing, or ignoring what you feel and working to improve it and achieve a greater state of well-being.
This is closely linked to strengthening self-esteem and self-knowledge. Marsha Linehan, American psychologist and creator of dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), emphasizes that it is a way to reduce dependence on others and learn to regulate your own emotions.
Furthermore, she adds that this requires both understanding and empathy. Far from rejecting sadness, anxiety, anger and other “negative” feelings, it is about giving them space within you to understand their origin, their function and what they teach you in the situations you face. facing everyday life.
Also read: The relationship between skin and emotions
Why Emotional Self-Validation Can Save You in Times of Crisis?
Emotional invalidation usually surfaces during times of crisis. When you are going through a difficult time – in your professional, family, emotional or social sphere – unpleasant emotions tend to arise. Like frustration, anger, jealousy, sadness, anxiety, among others.
However, precisely because of the negative connotation that we usually give to these feelings, they are minimized, denied or considered inappropriate. The problem? Greater difficulty in facing the situation and overcoming it. Finally, you might have low self-esteem and be dissatisfied with your relationships.
This is when practicing emotional self-validation becomes relevant. If you learn to recognize and validate what you experience and think, you will be able to calm down, handle it more confidently, and explore possible solutions.
On the other hand, you will strengthen your self-awareness and your abilities to manage intense emotions. For this reason, self-validation is linked to personal growth and wisdom. Developing it helps you have better resources to deal with stress, anxiety, and any overwhelming emotional processes.
How to strengthen emotional self-validation?
Learning to self-validate and regulate your emotions is not an easy process. Not only do you have to let go of the need for control. But you must also learn to be aware of the feelings and thoughts that arise from each experience. How to achieve this?
Recognize your emotions
The first step to take to strengthen emotional self-validation is to recognize what you are feeling in the present moment. Without making any judgment about it. In other words, identify this emotion and give it a name. If you’re not sure exactly what you’re feeling, try writing it down to try to clarify it.
Is it anger, jealousy, sadness, disappointment? The idea is for you to give yourself space to listen to yourself and acknowledge your emotions without minimizing or judging them. To cite an example, instead of saying “I shouldn’t feel sad, it doesn’t matter”, it is better to say “I feel sad and that’s why.”
Allow yourself to feel an emotion
Once you are clear about how you feel, the next step is to remind yourself that it is normal to feel emotions. Even if they are unpleasant. Although this feeling may be uncomfortable, accept that it is present.
Don’t try to repress or silence what’s on your mind. If it causes you sadness, tears, anger, or anxiety, let it come out. If you still have trouble expressing it, write it down or try talking about it with a loved one.
Validate what you feel
All emotions are important and occur for a reason. Beyond allowing yourself to feel them, reaffirm that they are valid and worth considering. At this time, repeat to yourself phrases such as “what I feel is valid”, “I accept my emotions”, etc.
To try to understand
Trying to understand how you feel is a key step in emotional self-validation. The idea is that you take enough time to think about anything that might trigger a particular emotion. People, situations, actions…many factors can be involved.
When building context, try to avoid pointing fingers and judging. Also try to understand the meaning of the emotion. For example, something that scares you will try to tell you to seek safety. Sadness will help you in your personal development, as will disappointments.
Identifying the build-up of emotions
Often what you feel is the accumulation of previous situations that you did not know how to handle. You may have felt the emotion in question several times, but chose to repress or downplay it. Keep in mind that only by facing it can you overcome it.
Practice self-compassion
Last but not least, try to treat yourself with kindness and compassion towards yourself. Think of the situation as if it were happening to someone you love very much.
What would you say to him, what would your advice be? Just as you are there for others in difficult times, try to be there for yourself. Always keep in mind that being vulnerable is human and there is nothing wrong with that.
Do you usually invalidate your emotions?
Finally, if you have just noticed that you tend to judge how you feel or that you are not able to accept your emotions, it is time to act. Emotional self-validation is a skill you can develop if you practice it in your daily life.
Of course, you have to be patient with the process, because it is not easy and requires a lot of listening to yourself. In all cases, once you achieve this, you will take your emotional growth to another level. Not only will you improve the way you feel, but this will be reflected in your relationships with others.
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