2023-04-18 06:53:05
In our society, when we talk regarding virginity, many passions are unleashed. A certain persistent mentality associates the virtue of women with virginity. The custom (which tends to fade) wants the woman to remain a virgin until the day of the wedding. Except that the very people who deflower the girls are considered brave. What if we set the record straight? The words of Pastor Mbayahaga upset our blogger.
At around 10 p.m., I received a message on my phone from a friend: a video of the famous pastor Isidore Mbayahaga speaking regarding the ceremonies of “attraction” (raising the veil) is causing the buzz. The friend asks me to react on the speech of the “keeper of the sheep”. I’m not very keen on the idea of commenting on the words of a representative of God on earth. But the pastor’s arguments knock me out of my mind following watching the video. “Why attend the lifting of the veil when the brides are no longer virgins”, the shepherd is indignant.
In the past, several rites went in this direction. To check if his wife was a virgin, the groom would stick to the bloodstained sheets and inform his family with these words: “I think it’s a joke” (She is blank) or “I found them fighting” (She is not a virgin).
Love goes beyond sexuality
Au 21th century, digging up these traditions that demean women is unhealthy. A woman’s virtue should not be reduced to her virginity. A woman’s worth should not be assessed through her hymen, far from it. It’s frustrating to hear such disparaging and mocking remarks from a ”representative of God. “Today, all the girls had internal bleeding”, he utters in his mocking and ironic voice to ridicule the girls who do not bleed during the wedding night. Tradition is more than the sum of aged values and retrograde, no offense to those who have made the phallus an instrument of dictatorship. Aren’t the foundations of certain rituals to be questioned? For example, it is a mistake to believe that all girls will bleed the first time they have sex. The hymen (ince in Kirundi) can sometimes stretch instead of tearing, so it does not lead to bleeding. Which means that those who don’t bleed haven’t necessarily been deflowered, Mr. Mbayahaga. Even if they were deflowered, is it up to you to bring them shame?
Sheep herders who reach large audiences have a duty to weigh their words and avoid demeaning personal opinions in public (perhaps even in private). I don’t understand why insist on the virginity of the bride instead of starting with values that will help the newlyweds to keep the flame of love alive that the God of men urges elsewhere. After all, love goes beyond sexuality, that’s my humble opinion, Mr. Pastor.
Men of God preach abstinence, and I’m not going to blame them for that. But does this mean that they do not bless the union of a couple in which one of the members is no longer a virgin or a virgin?
Reinstate “ isisumanyenzi » ?
I still remember the words of a relative: “A girl must be a virgin until marriage. Apply this advice that I give you and your husband will respect you”. What nonsense! I believe that any woman or any man is worthy of respect. Why allow us to judge and denigrate others so freely, we who are also sinners? Whoever did not have sex outside of marriage may have stolen, lied or even killed Mr. Mbayahaga.
Christians no doubt remember Jesus’ response to the Pharisees’ hatred of the adulteress: “Let him who is without sin be the first to cast a stone at her. » (Jean 8)
And the men in all that? Virgins or not, they will never be singled out in this patriarchal society. Before shouting haro on the defloration of women, they should perhaps wonder regarding those who deflower them. Moreover, the sexual needs that a man experiences are the same as those of a woman.
The era of ” Igisumanyenzi » is over. In the past, girls who became pregnant before marriage were left in a pit to be punished. Would you like, Mr. Mbayahaga, to reinstate “ English » to throw those who get pregnant too? Times have changed, but it is disappointing to see that mentalities have not changed one iota as we can see through the proverbs that still have a storefront like: « One woman is a mother. » (a proverb which justifies that the man has respect only for his mother and that it is legitimate to deceive his wife). This has at least the merit of reminding us of the struggle that women must wage so that retrograde traditions give way to their rights.
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