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Peter Chilton, now 72, has spanned three decades in football
As the player with the most caps for the England national team, goalkeeper Peter Shilton was one of the most successful and famous players in the world, but off the pitch, Chilton has been prey to a lifelong gambling addiction – until his wife helps him break it down. Steve Shelton describes, in her own words and words, life with a gambling addict and how she is determined to help others living with loved ones and relatives with the same problem.
Shortly following we met in 2012, I noticed his suspicious behavior. He was walking out of the room to use his phone, and he was suspiciously discreet.
I thought there was another woman, so if you live with a gambling addict, you will inevitably feel that there is a third party in your relationship.
On his phone I saw the same number over and over, it was the phone number of a betting company.
‘I felt there was a serious problem’
At first I thought when he came out of the room to use his phone to gamble, that he was a gentleman and did not like to gamble in front of me, and that it was just a simple hobby.
And one night I woke up and he wasn’t in bed. He was sitting in front of his laptop and a betting form was visible on the screen. It was midnight and he seemed to be thinking of betting on a horse race in Australia, and of course he might gamble on any race, all over the world, any time he wanted.
photo released, Peter and Steph Shilton
Then it became clear to me that it was not just a hobby, that there was a very serious problem, and I realized beyond any doubt that he had a gambling addiction.
I tried to talk to him. I’ve worked for a long time in the healthcare sector, and during that time I saw so many addicts trying to get rid of their addiction, I knew I shouldn’t pressure him.
When talking regarding his addiction he tended to get very motivated, he was in complete denial, he said it was just something he did as fun. His addiction was mainly to betting on horse racing, he knew a lot regarding horse racing and he knew the managers and players who owned the horses, and it seemed like a way of life.
There is a widespread belief that gambling addicts are usually failures and stumbles; In fact, they are often so intelligent and successful professionally that it is difficult to imagine that one is facing a gambler. The gambler hides his addiction to a large extent. I was finding it hard to live with it because I love Peter.
He has been a gambler all his adult life, since he was 15, that is, for 45 years.
photo released, Evening Standard
Peter Chilton when he was 15 years old
He proposed to me and proposed to take me to Barbados for a honeymoon, but I told him: You are a gambler, I cannot marry you, and I am very concerned that this addiction possesses you in such a way that it is difficult to quit.
But I never gave him an ultimatum or deadline.
I have taken some measures, the first of which is that I kept my money separate from his. This is a piece of advice I would say to all those who live with gambling lovers: maintain your financial independence, and never lend them money.
I noticed that whenever he got a bank statement he would tear it up and burn it.
‘You broke my heart’
Then his bank statement arrived in the mail while he was away from home working relatively far away. I wanted to see how much money he was gambling, and I found pages and pages showing that a lot of his money went to the gambling company BetFair. He gambled regarding 18,000. British pounds in one month.
I stood stunned and felt a terrible shock that shook my soul, and I said to myself, “Oh my God, he’s so sick,” it broke my heart.
When he learned that I became fully aware of it, he got angry with me, but I told him: You have a disease, it is an addiction and you need help to get rid of it, and I am here to help you.
Then I had a miscarriage, and following that incident, he was so nice and nice to me. He never gambled, but took care of me and took care of me, and I thought, “Maybe he’ll quit gambling for me.”
photo released, David Cannon/Allsport/Getty Images
Peter Shelton maintained his international career while preying on a gambling addiction for decades
Peter’s gambling once more, but I think he’s changed this time, we’ve lost a child we longed to have and I think the loss made him worried he’d lose me too.
I felt that he was beginning to realize that he had a serious problem, and that there would be no wedding or honeymoon in Barbados.
Instead of yelling and babbling and losing my balance, I began to gradually approach the problem.
I was very afraid for his mental health, it was clear that he was deteriorating as he was addicted to gambling to the extreme.
Our relationship has always been sweet and fun, but he fell into a depressed and withdrawn state.
photo released, David Cannon/Allsport/Getty Images
Chilton has faced some of the greatest players in football history, including Diego Maradona
One of the same days he disappeared upstairs. I might hear him on the phone trying to get some money for a job he did. I told him, “I’m going to the spare bedroom, I really need to clear my mind.”
In the morning he looked awful, he had never slept.
‘A fatal feeling of loneliness’
“I know I have a problem,” he told me, “I’m going to quit gambling, but I’m going to need you to be by my side and help me.”
We hugged and it was one of the best moments of my life.
I gave up my job to help him, and he went through a very difficult time.
Peter still can’t remember the first week he quit gambling, when he mightn’t sleep, as he had to start a new life.
photo released, Mark Leech/Getty Images
Peter played in the England team before the semi-finals with West Germany in the 1990 World Cup
I was fighting a daily battle to try to distract him from gambling, to keep him calm. He yearned for betting and gambling, and within three months he had begun to calm down. He started enjoying golf, and we walked together on the beach on nice walks.
We got through this together without anyone’s help, and I had called the gambling company Betfair and asked them for help, but they didn’t do anything at all, and they didn’t put any restrictions on his account.
The whole time I was trying to deal with my feelings, and I had a feeling of deadly loneliness.
When his father died, I was afraid that it would cause him to deteriorate once more, and I had to deal with my fears, obsessions, and trust issues.
Five years following quitting his addiction, we began to hear of children taking their lives for gambling.
I told Peter he had to do something. His voice would be loud and impactful, he was very empathetic and said, “This is what I have to do, I have to try to save lives.”
photo released, Julian Finney/Getty Images
Peter and Steve at the 2018 Best FIFA Awards in London
It took a lot of courage, we did an interview in January 2020, to raise awareness of the dangers of gambling and the next morning we received messages from addicts and from people in their lives someone addicted.
The messages were sad and emotional and crying, there were addicts who decided to get help, because of Peter, and it is clear that what he is doing contributes greatly to raising awareness.
But I realized that the family and loved ones of the addict do not get any help, and this is sad, the loved ones and the parents are victims just like addicts and should not be ignored, I was Peter’s antidote and the reason for his recovery.
I got a diploma to become a therapist and spoke to ARA, which had some jobs.
I started working with the agency since last April, as an ambassador and consultant, working on their project called “Six to Ten”. This project puts family and friends at the forefront of those who need help; Its name “six to ten” is derived from the number of people affected by one person’s gambling.
It is exactly what is needed – not only the financial side but also the emotional side. There are angry people, parents who want to tell their children that they are addicted and you have to explain to them, this is not their fault, this is a disease and an addiction not unlike drug addiction.
More support is needed for addicts during recovery to give them the best chance of continuing and not gambling once more.
To anyone who worries regarding his loved ones, I will say: If your intuition tells you that something is wrong, follow your intuition, if you have doubts you should prove them right.
You have to be strong to get through it all, and be confident that there is support.
When Peter and I look back, we say to ourselves, “We’re amazing, have we really been through all of that?” It is an achievement for both of us.
Peter said he was never as happy as he is now, and when he recovered, I felt the peace of mind that he was now in, and the stability and calmness in him, he looked ten years younger and was enjoying life.
That was seven and a half years ago.
Ironically, he was one of the greatest goalkeepers in the world and I, the little girl from Essex, managed to save him.
Gambling company Betfair said it has changed its policies since Shelton’s recovery, and in similar circumstances it is suspending a person’s account and imposing an exclusion order if there are concerns that a customer is out of control.
The story as reported by Laura Devlin
