2024-01-10 10:44:21
Caroline Fontenoy, mother of two little girls, gives birth to her third baby: a public utility book, in which she recounts her experience of prematurity.
Initially, Caroline Fontenoy did not have the ambition to publish what she wrote. Her words were addressed to Lou, her daughter, so as to never forget what they had experienced in neonatology. Two years later, the presenter of RTL Info at 7 p.m. was invited to testify at a charity gala organized by Fetus For Life, a non-profit organization which works for the benefit of mothers experiencing difficult pregnancies.
In front of this packed room, she notes that her story resonates. When she becomes pregnant with her second daughter, Zélia, and she believes that history will repeat itself, she vows to one day tell what happened to her. Four years later, Caroline feels ready.
Premature birth at seven months of pregnancy
“It is an infection, the origin of which we have never really determined, which was not taken care of in time, which caused contractions which I did not identify as such. It was my first pregnancy, I didn’t know. I am someone who takes a lot on myself. I was told that everything was fine, not to stress. Except, in fact, what was happening was not normal.”
At seven months pregnant, I would have liked to have been forced to take it easy, and maybe the story wouldn’t have been the same.
The challenges of prematurity
“I would have liked to know the issues of prematurity. I discovered them when it was already too late. I didn’t know that a baby born too early might have neurological and motor following-effects. If I had known all this, I think I would have been a little more careful. I would have taken my foot off the gas, I would have been more attentive to certain warning signs. I arrived into the unknown with, perhaps, preconceived ideas regarding pregnancy and motherhood. At seven months pregnant, I would have liked to have been forced to take it easy and maybe the story wouldn’t have been the same. I never realized what a marathon being pregnant was. It’s a factory that operates 7 days a week, 24 hours a day, in addition to everything else we have to do nearby. I find that we sometimes ask a bit much of women. There are women who have easy pregnancies, who exercise until the end, and so much the better! On the other hand, for those for whom it is more complicated, I think it is important to listen to yourself and to be able to stop.”
I suffered from empty stomach syndrome
The separation
“Even today, when I talk regarding it, it creates emotion. I remember that moment, the hospital corridors where we had to leave Lou for the first time following endless goodbyes. With Jérôme, my husband, we mightn’t even talk to each other. It was horrible to come home and see your room empty. To say to ourselves that we had left our child, certainly, to health professionals who took extremely good care of him, but that we should have been at his side. But, I was physically damaged. After the infection, the cesarean section, I felt like I needed to rest a little bit at home. Because intensive neonatology is an emergency service where everything is done for the little patient and where the reception conditions for parents are quite spartan. I quickly understood that if I wanted to reach the end of this marathon which would last two months in the hospital, I had to rest at home. This is what I did until the day Lou was able to breastfeed. There I slept with her and didn’t move.”
Breastfeeding a premature baby
“I really wanted to breastfeed Lou. I pumped for weeks waiting for her to have the strength to nurse. It was very complicated. This is already the case for many women who give birth to a full-term baby, but then, with a prema, it’s war! My determination took over. Since his intestines weren’t working yet, I fought to give him that little push and I succeeded. On the other hand, I really want to tell women to stop feeling guilty regarding breastfeeding. Children also do very well with powdered milk.”
I knew that having a second child, that having the possibility of carrying a pregnancy to term, would heal a lot of wounds.
Empty stomach syndrome
“I had gained a few pounds, my stomach was just starting to show and, two weeks later, it was completely flat once more. As if this pregnancy had not existed… And that, psychologically, was very hard. Especially since I loved being pregnant, everything was going well so far. I had to mourn the two months of pregnancy that I missed. I was infinitely sad. It will remain an eternal regret, but one that hurts me less today, that no longer makes me cry. I knew that having a second child, that having the possibility of carrying a pregnancy to term, would heal a lot of wounds. Even if that’s not what conditioned Zélia’s arrival, because we had always wanted two children. Time helps too. Seeing Lou grow up, going through all his medical tests.”
The evolution of a premature child
“Perhaps, unconsciously, I am particularly attentive to Lou’s evolution. I often wonder if she would have been the way she is today if she had been born full term? What if she’s hypersensitive because she had to fight from birth? I try to push his thoughts away, but, yes, what we experienced remains a little trauma. There are also deadlines that I dread. Statistically, for example, premature babies, when they enter first primary school, are more likely to suffer from dyslexia, dyscalculia, learning problems, etc. This is not an absolute truth, but I know that I I will pay attention to it. These are little booster shots.”
A second pregnancy following prematurity
“I am an optimist through and through. I wasn’t afraid that history would repeat itself with Zélia, even if I still had to make a few trips to the hospital. I was having contractions. I was injected with a product to calm them down, which worked very well, and I had to be put to bed. We then discovered that I had contracted CMV (cytomegalovirus, editor’s note). It was the icing on the cake! Luckily, I was past the first three months. If you contract CMV during the first trimester, the child can have serious disabilities and doctors generally advise terminating the pregnancy. After six months, the risk of the virus being transmitted to the fetus is reduced. We did more regular ultrasounds to check the progress of Zélia’s brain, which, fortunately, is doing very well. With her, I was able to enjoy the joys of ‘normal’ motherhood. A big baby weighing 3,750 kilos was placed in my arms. I was determined to make it to the end. I think my baby understood it well, since she stayed warm. For Lou, on the other hand, this second pregnancy was more difficult to cope with. I might no longer carry her or pick her up from daycare, as I was bedridden. She no longer wanted to sleep in her little bed, she rejected me. Fortunately, it’s happening. The children grow up, they understand. ”
The couple and prematurity
“With Jérôme, my husband, we have always had a wonderful bond. It’s not for nothing that he is the father of my children! This ordeal further strengthened our bond. We managed to laugh at situations that weren’t funny at all. In the evening, we opened a small beer and told ourselves that we weren’t going to let ourselves go! Jérôme is someone who takes a lot upon himself, he doesn’t let anything show. He is my pillar, he is always there. He admitted to me, when I was writing this book, that he had been very afraid for both of us. When I got pregnant with Zélia, he was convinced that I wouldn’t make it to the end. He didn’t tell me at the time, but he was very stressed, he was preparing to relive it all. There are many men who do not recover from this ordeal of prematurity, who are very affected by it. We need to talk regarding it too.”
Talking to a premature child regarding birth
“I asked his pediatrician how to go regarding talking to him regarding it. Naturally, she once asked me to show her baby photos of her. I explained to her, in very simple words, why she was fitted in these images. She still asks me from time to time to talk to her regarding her birth, and we bring out this little photo album. I don’t really know what she is aware of, but I see that her story touches her, that it has changed something for her to know her whole journey. ”
Fear in the belly, by Caroline Fontenoy, ed. Kennes.
1704888225
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