2023-08-11 13:00:04
August 11, 2023
How to explain that some children want to follow the same professional path as one of their parents? Is it then their own choice or are they guided by the irresistible urge to please this parent. We asked these questions to Michael Larrar, psychiatrist, specialist in children and adolescents. Interview.
Destination Santé: Why do some young adults follow the same professional path as one of their parents?
michael larrar : It is quite natural for a child, when his relations with his parents are harmonious, to idealize them. Young children take great pride in wanting to be like dads, especially boys, and like moms, especially girls. They are nurtured by the likes of their parents. A parent passionate regarding a subject will bring this passion to life in their child and the child will then have every chance of developing the same taste or even skills in this area. The child also develops very early an identification, completely normal, with his father or his mother. We want to copy the parent, do like him.
So it is during adolescence that the child will, in the majority of cases, dissociate himself from his parents?
Yes, in adolescence, we normally find a de-idealization of the parents. This is when the majority of child-parent paths diverge. We no longer want to do like the parent, or even, we want to do exactly the opposite. But sometimes, in some teenagers, the idealization persists. One continues to want to follow the same professional path as one’s parent, because one considers that it has been good for him. And it’s quite reassuring to choose this same path.
This phenomenon is much more often observed in the children of artists, intellectuals, scientists…
Yes, the children keep in mind that there was something extraordinary in what the parent was doing, because he remained fascinated by his parent, because this parent spoke with great pleasure regarding his work or gave the impression that something very special was happening there, or for all of these reasons at the same time. We know that not all jobs are the same. It is more fascinating for a child to have an actor parent who is on TV than to have a father employed in a company. He leaves in the morning, he comes back in the evening, he never says that it was great. When children choose the same job as their parent, these are professions that have a strong exciting, attractive potential or bring a large-scale social dimension.
When can this mimicry pose a problem?
This will be a problem if the child fails to pull themselves up to the same height as their parents. He will feel incapable, inferior to his father or mother. It’s hard to realize that we are less good in the same register. This is why it is better to avoid doing the same thing, thus avoiding the comparison. For the children of doctors who fail the medical exam, it’s very hard. The child will never go to medicine once more, his self-esteem takes a hit and he tells himself that he is not on the level of his parents.
Is it difficult to ask yourself if you choose a job because you want to do it or because it is the choice of your parents?
It is always necessary, faced with such important choices, to take a step back and ask the right questions. Is it my choice or that of my parents? This is a question to ask. But a teenager who is not too submissive to his parents will be able to make sense of things and have the courage to oppose. It will be more difficult for a very shy and anxious child. The question that may be even more difficult to ask is : ‘am I making this choice for myself or to seduce my parents and those around me’ ? Of course, you have to try as little as possible to make big personal decisions to please those close to you, but because that’s really the professional path you want to follow.
And anyway, aren’t we always influenced by our parents and our education when making professional choices?
No choice, whether professional or romantic, is absolutely free. Whether it’s to stand out or to please, all our decisions, especially on major issues, are influenced by those around us. And that’s absolutely normal. I think you have to think regarding it when the choices made do not make you happy. If they make you happy, then you don’t have to psychoanalyze them.
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Source : Interview with Michaël Larrar, psychiatrist, Tuesday August 1, 2023
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Written by : Dorothée Duchemin – Edited by: Emmanuel Ducreuzet
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