2023-08-27 13:55:07
While the information concerning the family drama that shook the community of Notre-Dame-des-Prairies circulates abundantly, certain details might reach the ears of children; How then to broach such a subject with them?
• Read also: A father kills his two children and takes his own life in Lanaudière
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According to psychologist Suzanne Vallières, the best way is not to take the lead, but rather to let the children come to the adults and ask their questions.
“Often what people will want to do is to absolutely secure their child, she explains in an interview with LCN. So often what they will do is go ahead, talk a lot, explain and it’s a little bit the opposite that needs to be done.
“What we have to do is let the child come to us,” she adds. The children who live near that neighborhood, the parents surely know these people and might be inclined to explain everything to the children. We have to let the children come and ask us questions.”
Adults should be careful regarding the details they give in response to these, according to the psychologist.
“You have to answer it very succinctly because the children will always ask us questions that correspond to the information they are able to take in,” says Ms. Vallières.
“So if the child does not ask too many questions, you just have to name what he wants to hear and often following a few days he will come back to ask us other questions following having simmered those, she continues. You just have to be careful not to cause the child unnecessary anxiety followingwards.
Children might have already heard disturbing details of the drama.
If this is the case, Suzanne Vallières recommends never lying to them.
“If following the child has had information, because often we have elders who go to school, we may not have any other choice because we never lie to the child. “, she says.
“So we have no other choice than to say that indeed, it was their dad who committed this gesture, and there of course, probably this man was extremely suffering and that is what ‘we will tell the child that he was sick, that he was not well.
It is also important to reassure the child by reminding him that not all parents who are sick kill their children.
“You have to be careful what you name because it’s possible that his dad or his mom has already had a depression and we’ve already heard that so it can become worrying for the child,” she says.
“The default often in adults is that we talk too much. We talk like adults and among ourselves also regarding this subject, and that is to be absolutely avoided, because otherwise what we do is that we contaminate the child with our emotions and our vocabulary without realizing it and that’s what’s going to create anxiety in our children.”
The expert recommends that people who do not feel comfortable broaching the subject with children should not hesitate to delegate this task.
“If it really upsets you as an adult, don’t let it be you who talk to the child regarding it,” she says. We can delegate the other parent or another adult who is perhaps more solid at the time to be able to explain it to the child.
Ms. Vallières also calls on parents to seek help if there is an appearance of behaviors related to anxiety linked to such an event in the child.
Watch the full interview in the video above
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